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Q: My thought on why the Chinese way of socializing with strangers is so 'different'(i.e. awkward)?
While it is safely assumed in most parts of the world that the normal and safest way to socialize with strangers is to talk 'with' them, it isn't the case in China where the normal way is to talk 'about' them.
In all my years in China I have only met a handful of people who deemed it as normal to talk with me from the very beginning, with the vast majority choosing to talk about me in an attempt to draw my attention and to get a response.
One thing I know is that it isn't usually malicious, those people truly want to approach you and maybe befriend you. So why are they so awkward at it? Do they expect the Foreigner to make the first step? My guess is they do. As the dominant person in a face relationship is not the one in need of the other, it is seen as a sign of submission to be the one 'asking' for friendship rather than accepting the other person in your circle.
When a simple Hello or Nihao would be so easy.
Mainalnders' background has a lot to do with this.
1. Extremely high illiteracy rate for the last half of century. Basically, nothing of educational value in their coconut. As someone in this forum has pointed out, they don't even know their own history!
2. Related to illiteracy is extreme poverty and its resulting twisted psyche; inferiority, greed, low self-esteem, anger, hatre, jealousy, cunning, deceitful, ruthless, disrespect for life - any life, using other people in the name of friendship, exploiting others' kindness, all the way from kissing asses (guanxi building) to violent robbing....you name it. In this case, race is not a factor, Indians, Chinese, no difference.
3. Political system, CCP's education. To fight, no respect for the academia, to not trust your enemy which by definition is those who is one up on you in their social class. Guess what, distrustful becomes a habit. Ask how many dalu parents really trust their children, and vice versa? How many spouses trust each other? And how many are using facades even with immediate family members?
Given this background, what good can you expect to come out of a daluren's mind when s/he talks "with" you? Plus the face thing, always trying to say the politically correct thing even among "friends", to appear "sociable". Thus, "social harmony". Truth, you step aside. The terminology is "mass relationship". This is what their grandpa / grandma still teaches their grand kids. Oh, talk about you, now that is easy. When CCP/Xi presses the "civilized" button, put on the polite facade, when CCP presses the patriotic button, attack.
Without trust any relationship is a fake. It can be financially rewarding though.
I disagree, maybe some cases they want to befriend you but 80-90% is simply just talking about you because Chinese are rude, don't see people as people, especially don't see foreigners as people or just out of plain old ignorance.
Proof, how many act spooked when they do get your attention?
Mainalnders' background has a lot to do with this.
1. Extremely high illiteracy rate for the last half of century. Basically, nothing of educational value in their coconut. As someone in this forum has pointed out, they don't even know their own history!
2. Related to illiteracy is extreme poverty and its resulting twisted psyche; inferiority, greed, low self-esteem, anger, hatre, jealousy, cunning, deceitful, ruthless, disrespect for life - any life, using other people in the name of friendship, exploiting others' kindness, all the way from kissing asses (guanxi building) to violent robbing....you name it. In this case, race is not a factor, Indians, Chinese, no difference.
3. Political system, CCP's education. To fight, no respect for the academia, to not trust your enemy which by definition is those who is one up on you in their social class. Guess what, distrustful becomes a habit. Ask how many dalu parents really trust their children, and vice versa? How many spouses trust each other? And how many are using facades even with immediate family members?
Given this background, what good can you expect to come out of a daluren's mind when s/he talks "with" you? Plus the face thing, always trying to say the politically correct thing even among "friends", to appear "sociable". Thus, "social harmony". Truth, you step aside. The terminology is "mass relationship". This is what their grandpa / grandma still teaches their grand kids. Oh, talk about you, now that is easy. When CCP/Xi presses the "civilized" button, put on the polite facade, when CCP presses the patriotic button, attack.
Without trust any relationship is a fake. It can be financially rewarding though.
