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Sign up with Google Sign up with FacebookQ: "No, You're really married."
I have been told this several times by Chinese women when they learn my age (32) and that I'm single. That, or they insist that I have a girlfriend in my home country. What the hrll?!
I don't understand this... at all.
Any theories?
10 years 4 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Life, as perceived by Chinese, is a predefined path, like Disneyland, with time marks and zero room for variation or subtleties.
Everyone's purpose and directions is determined either by the government or by strong social constraints. In their eyes, you cannot be single because you are already past the single-limit time (probably 30 for men, 25 for women). You cannot be single because your parents must have gotten you a girl ready to marry at home. How could it be otherwise: you are 32, unmarried, and since you are a foreigner, you WILL go back to your home country. Boxes tick in the wrong place and it's bugging out.
Do not waste your time explaining unless you know mandarin (it cuts the BS by half).
And by the way, it's like this for every single aspect of life, not only personal life. Better be ready for more of those.
Scandinavian:
I think IKEA is a better comparison. In Disneyland at least you can walk around a bit, IKEA forces you through the entire shop.
KimOnach:
The comparison is brilliant. IKEA is a perfect image of soft oppression and crowd control. I'll use it instead, thanks!
Culture difference. Thats all it is. Learn something new everyday in China.
My ayi (maid) has been confused for months that I'm 25 and not married. Every week she asks me if I'm married yet and whether I need her help with the matter. Over 30 and single in China is (mostly) unacceptable in families.
juanisaac:
Same thing with me. The staff where I work at has offered to set me up on blind dates with women.
Some guy I know drove up with a single girl and told me to talk to her.
Haha when I was 25 it was still kind of acceptable for me to be single, but as soon as I turned 26 EVERYONE from taxi drivers to parents of friends told me I need to get married ASAP
I dealt with this issue 4 years ago as well. My wife's family all were convinced that I either had a family or a girlfriend (in Canada) at the very least. They actually thought I had a girlfriend or wife even after they knew I had been in China for 4 years at that time.
come on dude, just admit it, we all know you are married back home. You came to China and left your wife and kid at home. You never talk to your wife, nor do you have any pictures of her because you do not want to be suspicious. Strangely your wife let you go to a place over run with "chickens", left over women, and college girls who think white guys are hot. How did you get your wife to let you to come to China without you?
Beautifulsoup:
lol, of all the assumptions I make, saying you are white is the unbelievable one. I have no idea about you. I was trying to be sarcastic, sorry the tone did not come across.
when i meet any new ex-pats here, there is no way of knowing their marital status or if/why they are single:
through divorce, death, break-up (good or bad), or just not having met the right person.
I keep being asked: "where is your husband?" or "what does your husband think about you being in China?"
I was so tried of answering the question one day i just said "he is dead".
that stopped that conversation.
If not are you married, I get asked when are you getting married? Like the answer will be oh tomorrow. If I answer 'oh idk hopefully closer to my thirties' I get the strangest looks. My students have flat out told me that is too old to get married.
On the other hand one of my guy friend told me his mother said that I will never find a husband because my feet are way too big (Size 8.5 USA, 40 EU).
Thankfully a qualification for being a wife back home doesn't include having children's sized feet.
I explain that American men and American women often can't stand each other in the marital context. I reveal that over forty percent of our first marriages end in divorce, and that in eighty percent of all divorces, the ladies are the ones who file for divorce. Consequently, say I, I deliberately avoided romance until I came to a country with better marriage-minded ladies who wouldn't jump ship the moment they no longer felt that sense of puppy love that they'd initially had for those first few months. "So, I really am single," I insist. "I don't have a secret girlfriend. I'm not secretly married. I'm just not into Western girls, and until recently I was in Western land."
jleav14782:
I was referring only to first marriages. Second marriages have about a 60% divorce rate. It's higher for third marriages.
jleav14782:
oddly, I don't often get that... nor do I get the women being set up with me... maybe I'm too ugly or something!
You can tell we're not married - we're not wearing a wedding ring showing our devotion, loyalty and commitment....
oh........
jleav14782:
Yeah, I'm all for not imposing our culture on them or anything, but some sort of outward sign of their marital status would benefit everyone