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Q: Is the notion of 'modesty' overused in the culture here?
Along with face here, being humble and modest is a great virtue. As opposed to back in the West, where if you've done something well or you're very good at something, you've the legitimate right to pat yourself on the back and say it openly, here people naturally turn to modesty.
But how much of it is real? The whole thing seems like a sham sometimes, like culture calls for modesty, but people speak it without thinking it. It becomes acting.
Is it really so wrong to say 'Yeah, I'm proud of that, I think I did a good job', instead of saying something everyone knows you don't actually mean?
In general, perceptions are biased, because what you perceive is colored by your ideosincracy and culture, customs. You must remember that here, "face" is involved in every aspect of daily life. And, as such, in the way they act with "modesty" too.
While for you it is OK and natural to give yourself a "pat on your back", for them it is not. It is like "hugs and kisses", show affection for a loved one, even saying "I love you" frequently, there is no need for that (so they claim) because you should know it already.
Within the concept of "face", even if both sides will know that what was said was a lie, it is understood and no one will say anything about it. To us is shocking, to them is natural. As you said, maybe for us the modesty concept is overused here, but for them is their way of life.
I agree with Happy above. Modesy and demeanor are merely but part of the entire game of face. Someone told me that there is a saying in Chinese something to the effect that if you wish to make yourself higher than someone else, then you need to make yourself lower than that person. Boasting, praise, by and of one's self is not viewed favorably here.
