Since I got sent to Pakistan to improve our business venture there, I didn’t have much time to write here. And we all know Islamadad doesn’t sound like Chinese at all. I don’t want the cat in the tie to give me scratches!

I have to say Islamabad is completely different from Beijing. Back in China, I tried to instate the “work hard, party hard” mentality with all my minions, but I faced a blatant lack of enthusiasm. It took me months before they would understand the “high five march” when finishing lunch, the minions would take weeks to get the grasp of the duck dance and it took even moar time for them to understand the correlation between dancing and moar productivity.

It was until the day I got a call from HQ back in Montana, ‘Merica. I had to go back there, so I took my Chinese girlfriend with me. She was delighted when she met Sandy, Baylee-Ann (she’s like a sister to me, would always give me pecks on the torso), Larry and Patsy - she manages a shack and cooks really well, although Sandy makes the best smoked ribs ever – and she even tried to fire Laura, my trusted .22 calibre rifle.

The big board found that I did an awesome job in China, but for that reason I was sent to Pakistan. It was really sad that I had to leave my minions that I learned to like moar and moar. Last I heard, my successor is doing an ok job in the countary, but there’s less dancing. Of course, there is less productivity too. He abolished the mandatory spin-o-rama when entering the building, and the secretaries are doing a really bad job, like they used to do before I arrived. The good thing is that he gave a permanent job to the Chinese intern, after she came back from a depression. She still screams “where’s the baby? I killed Poutine’s baby but I swear it wasn’t my fault!”… Really, Chinese really lacks a sense of humour.

Pedro, the Mexican IT guy, is doing his best to leave that place, “because it’s not the same” without me. He was really sad that my successor didn’t go on with the musical show I worked so hard on. All the minions were sad too, because they suddenly stopped talking to each other, no moar laughs and no moar surprise events. I heard it became as sad as a morgue. So Pedro is now trying to get to Islamabad too, because it’s moar fun when I’m around.

It’s been some time now, and I gotta say Pakistan is totally different, the workplace is moar fun than I could ever imagine.

When I visited the main factory for the first time, I got greeted with an amazing dance show! They were 300 people with perfect sync dancing to local music. They even had the pelvic thrust in their routine! I then tried to make the “high five run” and everybody were pushing themselves to get one!

When I go to the office, the secretary greet me with a tip of the hat and sing something I don’t understand, and everybody say my smiling chicken costume is amazing! I wear it on Fridays, and now they want to make a competition to see who can make me the moast realistic costume to replace my old one!

I instated the “dance dance lunch break” and from the feedback I got, they now work their hardest to be the best!

Oh, and did I tell you they love to call me “Milord”? I told them during an assembly they had to call me Milord, and I didn’t even have time to finish my sentence that they started chanting “Hail Milord! Hail Milord!”

And since they all know about Laura, my trusted .22 calibre rifle, they offered my a custom rifle to “express the biggest respect” they have for Milord.

I could go on and on, tell moar stories, but I have to say Pakistanis really get a grasp on what real productivity is.

My Chinese girlfriend have troubles adapting herself to this new environment, but that’s ok because a bottle of wine a day keeps the argue away. And she got really scared when Abdul, my personal assistant (he really likes to give his input on the dancing sessions) told her in Pakistan, I was legally allowed to falcon punch her whenever she’s wrong. And god knows she’s always wrong!

So all and all, this new experience led me to wonder: is Pakistan leading to surpass China? They have the attitude, the will to succeed and they do things right. Is China doomed to stall because of lack of productivity?