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Sign up with Google Sign up with FacebookQ: Q: Am I being stingy or is my Chinese girlfriend being excessively dependent?
I pay the rent for the house , electricity and internet bills . I pay almost for everything including the taxi and the food out .my girl friend is working and her salary is not that much , but she has saved some money already . When a couple of days ago she asked for some money I asked her where is the money you have been saving she said that she gave it to her mother to save it for her and her mother will give more once we get married !!! Anyone have this situation or my girlfriend is a gold digger ?
2 years? Wow, you're like a slot machine that keeps paying out.
Unfortunately I can't go with the benefit of the doubt since I would estimate at least 90% of all foreigner man - Chinese girl relationships are in fact not genuine. Most of the foreigner men don't even know that they're girlfriends/wives are using them simply as means to an end and nothing more.
I have a name for this, I call it Donald Trump syndrome.
If you really want to know, just cut back on the cash giving (but don't stop complete) and see if she sticks around.
I hate the "having mum to save money" for her part. If this is indeed the fact, then question if someone who is not capable of putting money in an account herself is mature enough to be called a grown woman.
As for asking you for money. I think it matters what she is asking for money for. In my mind, if she is living for free and is saving up, then she should contribute something. But remember that she will need to save up for retirement, the saving up part is not a bad thing as such.
Scandinavian:
maybe it is her mum that is the gold digger. but you will find it very difficult to separate what is mother and what is daughter if you don't already know. Some Chinese girls are so tied to their mothers that it is just sick.
Errr, you had a bad pick ? My gf (now wife) was, from her own initiative, paying for train tickets, restaurants bill, and so on, on a regular basis. Sometime her, sometime me, and we never set that as a rule or anything. She was able to save some of her modest income on her own on a bank account. Before knowing her, the others girls I had some time with were like this too. If I trusted my own experience only, I would think Chinese girls are generous. But ok, any girl that triggered the 'gold digger' or 'immature' red lights was promptly forgotten
Have you met her mother and assessed their relationship? I ask because many children are expected to give their parents their salaries and then the parents give them an allowance. It's unbelievable to us but accepted among older, conservative and traditional people. Which brings us to another point. She's living with you before marriage? So, obviously not traditional. Maybe she's giving mom the money to prove you are going to be married and not just "shacking up."
Make sure, if you get married, that your wife gets some of her money back from her mother. Her mother will most likely make excuses as to why she can't give it back. It's a control mechanism for the parents. If we could only get my wife's RMB 500,000 back from her mom.
Sinobear:
So true - been there, done that - never even got the T-shirt!
Thanks guys for your answers . She sometimes makes me feel that she is with me because she wants to depend on me not because of loving me ! BTW we have been together for more than 2 years !
not sure if she is gold digger or not,bju the act of her asking money from you is indeed unacceptable,i would never ask money from my boyfriend.i just think its not fair
2 years? Wow, you're like a slot machine that keeps paying out.
Unfortunately I can't go with the benefit of the doubt since I would estimate at least 90% of all foreigner man - Chinese girl relationships are in fact not genuine. Most of the foreigner men don't even know that they're girlfriends/wives are using them simply as means to an end and nothing more.
I have a name for this, I call it Donald Trump syndrome.
If you really want to know, just cut back on the cash giving (but don't stop complete) and see if she sticks around.
Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger (when I'm in need)
But she ain't messin' wit no broke laowai (I gotta leave)