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Q: Respecting elders for show or obligation?
A question about leftover women got me thinking about the nature of Chinese society. Mainlanders value static appearances above all other things. They value beauty and childbearing in a woman. The appreciate youthful energy. They want money an power.
They don't care about building up experience. It's almost like they don't believe that people's abilities can increase from more training or experience, or they perhaps don't have the patience for it.
They hang around QQ, WeiBo, WeiXin and all those other social media, mesmerized by the opinions of youthful,inexperienced people. These youngsters are young and attractive, so I can fathom why you'd want to peruse their holiday snaps. But why would anyone give a toss about what comes out of their mouths?
Just look at what makes the news in China: Guo Meimei, a greedy prostitute passing herself off as Red Cross employee. The Uniqlo "scandal"; just a vulgar sex tape that should have been deleted and forgotten, but China is very juvenile about sex, so this is amazing - a scandal!
A lot of stories in China are nothing more than secondary school gossip. Not really worth such attention from adults. But they keep making the news. Of course, it's part of the government's plan to keep people disinterested in socially relevant topics by distracting them with sex and religion* and TV.
* Mainland Chinese beliefs qualify as a cult.
My question: Do Chinese people REALLY respect their elders and ancestors?
Somehow I think the average Mainlander has more respect for an attractive, youthful idiot, than they do for an elder.
Elders seem to be used as trump cards: They are convenient shields in a discussion, because one cannot contradict them. They are the figurehead of a family, but are often neglected when inconvenient. They may choose to get hit by a car for damage claims, if they see no other way of being useful to their family.
Chinese often lie: Saying one thing, then doing another. Deception is a young person's definition of smarts. It takes time and experience to unmask a shifty, untrustworthy person, and since experience is disregarded, deception is the norm.
So, when Chinese claim to respect elders, and criticise the West for neglecting elders in retirement homes, are they just being massive hypocrites?
8 years 40 weeks ago in Family & Kids - China
Chinese treat their elders like they treat children. Not as a person with thoughts and feelings.
Chinese treat their elders like they treat children. Not as a person with thoughts and feelings.
As Scandi said plus the elders are their "ticket"...they have the savings and the property that they hope to inherit.
Many of the current generation were raised by their grandparents, so there is a lot of respect and genuine love there.
It's the 40-60 set that are the obnoxious and embarrassing group.
Scandinavian:
I think often the respect skips a generation. E.g. if woman was brought up by grandmother, she might respect her more than grandmothers own daughter. I've seen several cases of old geezers with crappy kids (that is grown up kids) but where the grandkids are genuinely compassionate.
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coineineagh:
Explain 40-60 please. Is it about the "Mao was 40% wrong, 60% right"? Or just an age range?
Sinobear:
Age range. I find those over 60 to be quiet and reserved. The 40-60 set are totally obnoxious and never STFU. Never! That's why we've got the dancing ayis...loud music, in-your-face, "we-do-whatever-in-the-f@ck-we-want-to" attitudes.
I really wish that the Logan's Run concept of ditching those those over 31 would come to pass (and yes, I'm over 31).
ScotsAlan:
I totally connect with scans comment above. My wife was brought up by her gran and there is a lot of tenderness there. My wife and her mum are close, but it's not unusual for them to fall out and not talk for a few days. In fact, the MIL bought some big bannanas at the weekend and spent a whole day going on about how delicious they were. She would not shut up. And guess what.. my wife HATES big bannanas. So... they had a fight, mother disowned daughter (over a big bannana tastes better than small bannanas fight !!), MIL has not talked to the wife since. Awkward seeing as MIL lives with us. But my wife would never argue with her grandma.
BHGAL:
I have the greatest respect for both my Chinese family elders and my Canadian family old folks.... (almost all of them).......... and not just family, those that have endured and smile....those are the folks I respect.
ScotsAlan:
Honestly.. my MIL wants a big bannana... my wife prefers small bannannnnanaaas. Cant remember the name... plantin? Plantine? Maybe similar to tomatoes... I like small tomatoes... the wife wants to buy big tomatoes. Go figure... :)
Shining_brow:
Plantain... and that's just figgen weird! To not talk over bananas!
Well, ok, we all know the real reason is that someone didn't just automatically agree with the other... and both of them want to get the basic respect of "I like what I like - you like what you like - and it's ok to be different!" With a little bit of 'face' - "oooh, look what I got!!!"
Respect if they got cash or power. Cash is king. At my work there is an old ayi. The other workers yell at her. They often make her refill the water cooler. They stand by and watch as she struggles to lift the ten litre bottle up onto the stand. I couldn't believe this when I first saw it. The ayi now knows to come and get me and I will lift the bottle for her.
