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Q: Sad valentine story: dating a Chinese girl as foreigner

Hello everyone,

I could need some help, especialy from a chinese girl.

I used to date a chinese girl for 3 years. She is from Shenzhen and im from Europe. I visited her in december and we had a great time and all was well and a week after i got back home she told me that she did not love me anymore and wanted to break up. She loved being with me but not forever she said. I dont think that love would be the real reason of the break up but the fact that her parents would never allow her to marry an alien. And she knew i was planning to ask her, she also never wanted to leave Shenzhen and i kinda told her a few times that i would prefere Europe (because i have a great job here)....

I kinda really want her back so i started learning Chinese like crazy and looking for a job in Shenzhen to show her I can confince her parents that im serieus and that i want to stay in china. My ex is a really stubborn girl and she can be very hard to read (i could only 100% read her mind when i saw her face) and she is giving mixed signals.

I would really appriciate some help from an asian girl specialist and if someone would offer a job near Shenzhen you can always let me know....

9 years 4 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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She doesnt like you dude.   If it was her parents that where the reason there would be weeks or months of arguing and crying about it.  for her just to call you up and be like " yo, we done"     its done. 

 

and since she doesnt love you, you quitting your great job in Europe to come here and make less money isnt going to help your cause. 

 

If you come here your going to have months or a year of money troubles , Visa troubles and all kinds of other troubles, and your going to do it alone. 

 

Think it through.   Besides the parents thing is an excuse anyways,, they might not like it, and would be wary at first, but the vast majority would accept it. your girl knows this. 

 

The only way this ends well for you is if you get off this site and get back to work. 

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9 years 4 weeks ago
 
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She doesnt like you dude.   If it was her parents that where the reason there would be weeks or months of arguing and crying about it.  for her just to call you up and be like " yo, we done"     its done. 

 

and since she doesnt love you, you quitting your great job in Europe to come here and make less money isnt going to help your cause. 

 

If you come here your going to have months or a year of money troubles , Visa troubles and all kinds of other troubles, and your going to do it alone. 

 

Think it through.   Besides the parents thing is an excuse anyways,, they might not like it, and would be wary at first, but the vast majority would accept it. your girl knows this. 

 

The only way this ends well for you is if you get off this site and get back to work. 

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9 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Mike is right, you need to move on with your life.  Three years is a long time to spend on someone, but if she can just discard you like that...

 

 

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9 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Mike is right, you need to move on with your life.  Three years is a long time to spend on someone, but if she can just discard you like that...

 

 

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9 years 4 weeks ago
 
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sorry for the multi-post. new tablet

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9 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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It's hard to comment on this because every situation is different but let me say this - uprooting your life and moving across the world for a girl who made it clear she doesn't want you is likely a very poor decision that you will regret. First of all, leaving a great job for a worse one is obviously a poor career move. Second, chasing after her like that will make you come across as a little creepy and stalkerish. Actually,  this is how a lot of Chinese men act but I just can't imagine it looking anything but desperate. I'd say just have an honest conversation with her and explain that you'd be willing to change your life and move to Shenzhen to be with her if you can find a decent job there. But chasing after her when she doesn't want you there just sounds mad imo.

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9 years 4 weeks ago
 
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yup. follow mike's advice, dude. she might have found herself another man by now, and you'll just be setting yourself up for disappointment. i was hurt before, but i moved on with a heavy heart. what you seem to be doing, is "denialist bargaining". don't get stuck there, just accept the situation and move on. puppy love hurts, my young friend: you feel you'll never meet another girl like her. you will; you'll meet new ones that are better in all the areas that matter.

did you get the impression that this girl loves you for you, not what you represent? truly, honestly? don't delude yourself. because you might just have failed to meet her expectations of being a "magical good-quality man from nice-things-land", so she found a guy who wears a nice suit every day. forget about her, and find someone with real feelings for YOU, not the illusion of you.

if you want to meet a nice girl, China has a lot of good-looking bad apples to wade through before you meet a good one. it might be worth coming here to meet a girl, but don't submit to the first manipulative one that latches onto you. i can only say, that when you get a bit older, you'll learn to recognize true feelings, and their importance.

dongbeiren:

Well said

9 years 4 weeks ago
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9 years 4 weeks ago
 
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I think it is pretty clear that she has moved on and now has a new man in her life because you are GI (geographically impossible). It is probably nothing to do with you as a person, it is just that she has found a replacement who is in China (semi) permanently who has told her what she wanted to hear.

 

Give her a point for just breaking it off and not stringing you along as many would do.

 

Chances are, after her latest ATM goes belly up you will get an "I miss you" wechat message out of the blue.

 

My advice, for what it's worth, is to move on and find someone else more amenable to your situation. There are lots of great girls in China if you can find them.

Shining_brow:

In all likelihood, she has been stringing him along for a while...

9 years 4 weeks ago
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iWolf:

I agree, I just didn't want to crush his heart completely. That said, there is no cure for stupidity

9 years 4 weeks ago
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9 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Mike is right, it's not her parents, if it was the case there would have been arguing and young urban Chinese girls nowadays (especially in Shenzhen and Shanghai) don't need their parents appraisement to love or even marry someone, they can bypass it easily, they are more open than the previous generation.

 

Don't come to China for a girl who obviously doesn't love you, IMO she only wanted to spend time in Europe but I might be wrong, or maybe she was expecting a well off European man and you are not rich enough for her expectations.

 

You need to understand that many Chinese ladies are still looking for a rich man above a handsome or a nice man because of the massive wealth gap in this society and the running inflation, basically they are looking for security. If she looks really good she might have found a wealthy Chinese guy out here and between money or kindness her choice has been made quickly.

 

Chna has many good ladies but also many bad apples, most won't show their true face until they feel that they have complete control over the man's feelings. How to spot the bad apples is easy, they always talk about money and have an orgasm whenever they see a nice car.

 

You can come to China, there are truly nice ladies out here, but don't come for this girl.

ScotsAlan:

Also, they want to be sure the baby will look good. There are a load of old tales here about big mouths, eyebrows that meet in the middle etc. Chinese culture is based in the future, not the present.

9 years 4 weeks ago
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Eorthisio:

Eyebrows that meet are god damn ugly, it's a turn off for me and I totally agree with Chinese on that one. Especially it can be easily and definitely fixed with modern hair removal methods, it's a one time process and it's cheap, no excuse.

9 years 4 weeks ago
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9 years 4 weeks ago
 
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marry an alien, strange choice of words, must be a europe expression?

Eorthisio:

In some countries it's actually an official name for foreign residents, when I lived in Japan I had an "Alien Resident ID Card", this card is for every foreigners with a 1 year or more visa, it is the source of some lulz among expats there, just like many Engrish translations (Japanese equivalent of Chinglish), sadly you must hand it over when your visa expires and if you don't you might get in troubles next time you go to Japan.

9 years 4 weeks ago
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9 years 4 weeks ago
 
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I don't know what is worse this type of BS post or the morons who fall for it hook line and .... 

 

I'm European? seriously?

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9 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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Well Vlad, Romania, its kinda in Europe but not. Maybe she didn't want to live on a caravan site, or drink peoples blood. Chinese girls dont dig moustaches so much either, even if there damn sexy! Impale some b***ches from back home instead!

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9 years 4 weeks ago
 
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See. You stated the problem, right at the beginning! She is from Shenzhen, and you are from Europe. I would elaborate on the difficulties that being from these specific geographical locations entail, but my AGSC (Asian Girl Specialist Certification) ran out last year, so you will just have to take my word for it and move on to greener pastures!

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9 years 4 weeks ago
 
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You prefer Europe, she prefers China.

 

You see, I think there's a problem right there!

 

Anyone who would prefer China to Europe is crazy!!! (well, ok, I know there are some countries in Europe....).

 

Anyway - the chances of you being alone and lonely for the rest of your life are extremely slim. You will, soon enough, find some other girl to give your heart to, and it'll be like Chinese girl was just a dream. (I give it less than 3 months... although, given you're looking to move to China to convince a girl who dumped you that you'd move to China for her.... perhaps a bit longer. Girls don't like desperation! And yes, you're coming along as seriously desperate!!!)

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9 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Dude theres far too many smoking hot single Chinese women to cry about one.....move on.....

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9 years 3 weeks ago
 
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1. Never quit your job

 

2. Work hard at your job

 

3. Earn more money / get promoted into the management level

 

4. After a several years, change your company that will relocate you to China.

 

5. After you work in China as an Expat whom is relocated by the company in your home country with high salary, your materialistic Shenzhen girl will come back, or other beautiful hot Chinese girls will chase after you!

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9 years 3 weeks ago
 
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