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Q: Seem like many chinese really like to ask others to treat them meals?
I am just sick of it. Like my freinds, my colleagues.
Why would I have to buy you a meal? I feel annoyed.
Why do you ask non-Chinese to explain Chinese culture to you Viki?
You are a 30 (+) year old Chinese woman.
Surely you understand how Chinese people think and act more than any of the non-Chinese posters on this forum as you have lived in China all of your life.
or is your lack of understanding of your own culture and 'traditions' on par with you inability to understand and empathise with work colleagues and other people in general?
Could this inability to connect with others be the real reason your relationships fail and you can't seem to deal with basic relationship problems?
icnif77:
You had 4 'ups' for a second .....
,
buTT ... e-Tities software got my 2nd 'up' move and deleted 
extra vote.
earthizen:
She notices the phenomena but hasn't attempted to understand WHY, ie what cause them. This in part is probably because she is brought up in a dictatorial no-why cult.
Hopefully our answers stimulate her to figure out the causes for that is critical to successful problem solving, the other being implementation of the solution generated. If you don't even know what cause a problem how can you ever come up with the right solution?
daxigua:
Viki is living in a Chinese skin, but with a Foreign brain.
This will take quite a bit of time for Viki to figure out.
A combination of some understanding and Viki bashing might be helpful!
Blondie_:
@daxigua.
if there is one thing Viki doesn't have is a 'foreign brain'.
she is still very-much Chinese (self-absorbed) in her comments and 'questions' as she shows little to no understanding of anyone she is in contact with.
yet again she is looking for someone to endorse her proposal to behave unethically (see link above) as her dictionary appears not to contain the words 'ethical' or 'unethical'.
This is a very Chinese attitude to have.
daxigua:
I concur, but still there seems much of sitting in the middle, ie; confusion, lack of direction
Blondie_:
@daxigua
by 30 years old (which is what Viki claims to be) 99.99% of non-Chinese will have figured their sh*t out and don't act like an adolescent without some kind of direction.
I don't know anyone from home who has so few friends they have to post 'problems' online, ask 'advice' or look for validation from total strangers on the internet.
i understand that Viki has been posting on ECC for the last 4 + years and is still posting the same type of 'questions'.
To me, that does not say 'confused', it says something totally different.
Cosmo Kramer: Hey, Jerry, is it all right if I put some stuff in your fridge? 'Cause mine's full.
Jerry: Yeah, sure. You don't even have a fridge, do you?
Cosmo Kramer:Well, not here.
[he goes to the hallway and returns with a giant bag of chicken feed
]
Jerry: Kramer, wait a minute. What the hell is that?
Cosmo Kramer: [forcing the bag into the fridge] Well, it's chicken feed.
Jerry: I sense something is afoot.
Most of us have probably not noticed that,,, because I don't think Chinese will ask a foreigner,,, cuz they would lose 'face'. I can barely even get colleagues to take a simple gift,,, bag of oranges or whatever,,, it seems they are nervous to accept anything from the dreaded white man!
But in your case, it sounds like they are just moochin' mooches. Tell them you will bring them back the 'doggy bag'. that should shut them up.
seansarto:
So true...Giving gifts to Chinese friends is like giving gifts to my grandma (God rest her soul)...It was tremendously frustrating
Stiggs:
The first few times I traveled abroad while living in China I bought souvenirs for everyone I worked with, not because I enjoyed wasting the last day of my holiday shopping for crap, but because I felt it was something I should probably do.
Nobody gave a shit about the cultural significance of the gift or anything like that, just what it cost and do I have another one in a different color?
I stopped buying things for people - a few good friends aside - after that.
I don't like it when people invite me out to eat when I barely know them. Like student's parents.
It's tedious, awkward and I never feel comfortable with being railroaded into a fake friendship that means I now owe them something, usually special attention for their little emperor.
Stiggs:
I know, and that's the thing, it's hard to refuse without looking like an arsehole about it.
I mean, you can't just say no I'd much rather not be your 'friend' and have to deal with the subtle rules and obligations that can come from being treated to dinner, because then you just come across as arrogant and unfriendly so you end up going and really wishing you hadn't.
This is a common abuse tactic low lives use on those they envy and hate.
Food is not their prime interest, they are not hungry, it is extorting you and snatching something off you that gives these sadists their pleasure. Expose their darkness right in their face. Call them out. If you don't they will keep doing it because it is what gives them pleasure. They are evil, in short. China is filled to the brim with these low lives, this we all know.
It's a southern thing, northerners are far better than southerners (still mainlanders but better)
icnif77:
It looks, they are just jealous of your tits size ..... 
in grams.
... all this 'down-ers' .... 
It must be an enormous weight no. when expressed in gram-ers.
They aren't aware that you can also use your bra as tent at natural disasters .... i.e. my-bra-community-resource.
I had one unused 'up' .... LOL
I feel like it should be us asking you - the Chinese person who presumably understands the culture much more than we do Vicki. I know guanxi and dinners etc are a big part of Chinese culture but so often they just seem like a sneaky trap to me, even when they're well intentioned.
I was watching Trump's visit to China just now and it really made me think of a time I was invited to dinner by the parents of a student.
It was awful. I didn't speak much Chinese and every time I tried to everyone would either laugh at me or assume that because I could parrot a few phrases I was fluent in Chinese and I'd be asked things I had no way of understanding or answering.
There were people there I'd never seen before, other family members I assume and one was filming me literally the whole time with a video camera, the others were just staring at me.People at other tables were staring and taking pictures too. Yeah that was really comfortable...
Every time a new dish was brought out people would shovel some into my bowl while I was thinking WTF is that? I don't want to eat that, but the whole table would stop and stare at me while I tried to get a few mouthfuls of whatever it was down my throat without gagging. I couldn't even wash it down with a swig of beer because then the whole table had to drink together which was even more awkward for me. Then someone would give me more from the dish while I tried to say noooooo more!
Someone forced their 6 year old kid to talk to the white monkey because he probably had a weekly English lesson at his public school so he would ask what's my name again and again while the adults there all watched, filmed and had him do it again. He couldn't understand any English at all and any conversation was impossible but it didn't stop them from expecting an English performance from us even with all the awkward silences and blank looks from both of us. It's hard to pretend to be impressed by someone's English ability when he can only scream the same question at you then run away sniggering.
Then there was the baijiu toasting ( I can't stand baijiu, not even the smell of it) and speeches and limp clammy handshakes from really intense dudes who wouldn't let go of my hand.
People would keep trying to give me a cigarette even though I kept saying I don't smoke, really thanks but I don't smoke...I really don't want to have 'just one'... the only English speaker at the table was saying that the guys wanted to smoke to show they liked me and I should accept to show I 'liked' them too even though by now I was starting to downright hate people. When I eventually caved in and had 'just one' everyone was happy because I presumably liked them too even though they seemed determined to make me puke.
I know their intentions were mostly genuine, everyone was being friendly and hospitable in their own way but it really felt like I was put on display for their own reasons and people were oblivious to the fact that it was all just making me feel super uncomfortable. Or maybe they just didn't care as long as they got their video to show off and everyone in the restaurant saw them entertaining the laowai. Either way I spent the evening praying for a massive earthquake or fire or something to end it and telling myself I'd never put myself in that situation again.
earthizen:
"I know guanxi and dinners etc are a big part of Chinese culture"
Correct, bribery has been a big part of the chinese culture, still is.
" but so often they just seem like a sneaky trap to me, "
You nailed it. Buying you anything from socks to meals is bribing you in a non cash manner.
Have you heard of a washing machine being delivered to your home all of a sudden. Your bewildered wife open it only to find it was filled to the brim with cash inside? I have. Unlimited creativity chinese have in this subject, and cunningness too.
"even when they're well intentioned."
No such thing as well intention with dalu chinese. It is always business behind their facade. They are takers. When they give they already calculated what they get from you far exceeds what they pay.
Being used as a trophy is the least harmful of all, but your loss (happiness) far exceeds your gain ('free' dinner).
Dalu scums' coconuts are filled to the brim with these shits 7/24. The more I know about mainlanders the more I agree with those among the Japanese who say china is cursed. Although I am not a christian I know which direction Cain headed, and what he carried with him......jeolosy, bitterness, anger, deceit, to name a few.
Stiggs:
@ earthizen. Yeah there's an element of just wanting something from you for sure, it happens. A lot.
I don't believe that everyone has those motives though, there are friendly, good natured people in China just like anywhere else. I've met them and had great nights out with them with no uncomfortable bullshit or feelings of being used somehow. In fact I've actually felt ashamed of myself a few times after getting home from a great night because I went expecting my hosts to be trying to use me somehow and they were nothing but nice, genuine people.
The other thing I came to realize is that even when people are just trying to wine and dine you because you might be able to do something for them, it's not necessarily a sinister thing. They're doing what we'd call networking, and inviting us to be part of their network. Maybe we could be mutually helpful to each other one day. I don't pretend to enjoy it at all - I hate that sort of thing but I do appreciate the invitation I suppose, it's just that it's not my scene.
earthizen:
What is norm in developed, civilised countries becomes exceptions in prc, vice versa. The key lies in percentage.
It is better to feel arkward afterwards for being onguard than regret for being offguard with mainlanders, because chances are you are dealing with facades hiding filthy motives.
To me, social networking or guanxi building are merely cover up words for sales people, pretending to look for friends but actually business. It is a milder form of dishonesty but still dishonesty. True friends neither need nor want anything from each other, yet both have much in common.
Why do you ask non-Chinese to explain Chinese culture to you Viki?
You are a 30 (+) year old Chinese woman.
Surely you understand how Chinese people think and act more than any of the non-Chinese posters on this forum as you have lived in China all of your life.
or is your lack of understanding of your own culture and 'traditions' on par with you inability to understand and empathise with work colleagues and other people in general?
Could this inability to connect with others be the real reason your relationships fail and you can't seem to deal with basic relationship problems?
icnif77:
You had 4 'ups' for a second .....,
buTT ... e-Tities software got my 2nd 'up' move and deleted extra vote.
earthizen:
She notices the phenomena but hasn't attempted to understand WHY, ie what cause them. This in part is probably because she is brought up in a dictatorial no-why cult.
Hopefully our answers stimulate her to figure out the causes for that is critical to successful problem solving, the other being implementation of the solution generated. If you don't even know what cause a problem how can you ever come up with the right solution?
daxigua:
Viki is living in a Chinese skin, but with a Foreign brain.
This will take quite a bit of time for Viki to figure out.
A combination of some understanding and Viki bashing might be helpful!
Blondie_:
@daxigua.
if there is one thing Viki doesn't have is a 'foreign brain'.
she is still very-much Chinese (self-absorbed) in her comments and 'questions' as she shows little to no understanding of anyone she is in contact with.
yet again she is looking for someone to endorse her proposal to behave unethically (see link above) as her dictionary appears not to contain the words 'ethical' or 'unethical'.
This is a very Chinese attitude to have.
daxigua:
I concur, but still there seems much of sitting in the middle, ie; confusion, lack of direction
Blondie_:
@daxigua
by 30 years old (which is what Viki claims to be) 99.99% of non-Chinese will have figured their sh*t out and don't act like an adolescent without some kind of direction.
I don't know anyone from home who has so few friends they have to post 'problems' online, ask 'advice' or look for validation from total strangers on the internet.
i understand that Viki has been posting on ECC for the last 4 + years and is still posting the same type of 'questions'.
To me, that does not say 'confused', it says something totally different.
