cub:

repeat my bad! sorry!

cub:

Hotwater what? your wife didnt want to have a kid? a chinese lady not married and not wanting a child or ignoring her parents pressuring her to marry to have a kid? What? is this possible can this be tue? According to sorrel and 99.9% of other experts here on this site thats impossible never happens ok? Yes go read their posts they wrote me ok? Maybe there isnt the age or green card factor or u living in the USA or a age gap like my situation with a chinese lady wanting to marry and move to my country but i knew there are chinese single ladies in china that wont be pressured into marriage just to have a kid to save face because her parents want this! i wouldnt be surprised there are hundreds of thousands of chinese ladies like your wife that dont/didnt want to be pressured into mairriage to have a kid so her parents save face!

ScotsAlan:

If you recall cub, the discussion was about you marrying a 22 year old. Please keep things in context. There is a massive difference in any culture between a 22 year old and a 37 year old.

Hotwater:

Cub, I actually agree with what Sorrel & the 99.9% of experts on this site wrote to you. The majority of Chinese women want a child. My wife is not typical, which is why I married her! My situation, as you've probably realized is poles apart from yours. I live in China and its my adopted home. I met my wife here, over coffee. We dated, got to know each other and what we both liked and wanted. We even lived together for two years before getting married. 

Very different to you "dating" online with a 22 year old green card chaser!

cub:

hotwater u must not know how many millions who ''date'' by the internet and they meet and some marry right? News Flash hotwater, this is the 21st century not the 1950s with no internet ok? U mean 15 to 30 year age difference in china marriages never have or are happening now? It is a common thing so u and scotsalan get used to it! being u see life as dark negative down in the dumps dont mean i have to be dragged down with u also! Yes there is a age gap DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!! im aware of this! Age is just a number! Again the green card thing u are obsessed about? get over it! 4 years to wait to get a green card sure makes it easy and worth the wait to get a green card right? Dating online? how about calling it getting aquainted instead? thats what it is! ''Dating'' is when 2 people are together in person not by a computer screen! What if i had told u she was 30 40 years old no kids never married? Would your negative jealous words not been said? And that goes for any naysayers here to! And scots alan i said if i would marry if it goes that far i will never say those 3 words to any lady whom i never have met in person yet and there is the chemistry there ok? Yes i know there are differences between 10 years of ladies i chat or write to! i guess its good time is on my side as in waiting to find the right lady not rushing things like u assume im doing! Alot of my questions are hypothetical what ifs Supposedly u are to give me advice in a civilized way not bash me or assume something that isnt there when all u know about my situation is 50%

SpongeBob:

Someone here has a room temperature IQ. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

ironman510:

Cub your English skills mixed with your IQ is a sign you need to be locked up, right?

ironman510:

@Hotwater, don't be attention to Cub, according to his IP address he is a previous user here under a different ID.

Hotwater:

@ Ironman510, don't worry, he doesn't bother me but his pigheadedness does deserve replies just to try and show him we're not pulling his leg over our views on his girlfriend. 

Hotwater:

@ cub, Internet dating, never heard of it!

Actually what I didn't mention above is how I met my wife. I actually met her through www.pof.com, a dating site. We then made contact on QQ and chatted for a couple of weeks.....then we met for coffee and slowly moved on from there. At no time during our online "dating" did we discuss marrying each other, just got to know a bit more via writing. 

I'd used a number of dating sites before meeting my wife & also met Chinese women in bars. I also spent time reading about cultural differences and of things to be wary of. That's why I and others on this site have warned you about your "girlfriend". You go on about green cards taking years to get. You must of read other topics on here where it's said a lot of Chinese people plan for the long term....

cub:

Yes hotwater i have been told lies about the 3 years it takes after a foriegner marries to get a green card by 6 different people at USCIS right? So they at immigration are liars when they told me this am i ight hotwater? Somehow u and others blieve that get a visa get married and automatically she gets a greencard! Sorry, it dont work that way or that fast! So a foreign lady moves to my country marries either in her country or comes over as a fiance engaged we marry then she applies for as a resident and has to wait 3 years for her green card! Now does this sound like a fast easy way to get a green card to u? And its u scotsalan and many others who are hung up on the green card chaser here u just wont let it go! Your views on my gf are just that a few views but there are others who see things as positive had success with chinese women but u never hear from them only the bad negative stories get reported and talked to death! And ironman are u misearable not happy where u are living? Going through life down in the dumps can be depressing! Yes ironman u know my IP address right? give me a break!Are u working for the NSA now?When people start nit picking and commenting about another person grammar thats a sign they have run out of arguments or words to say so u attack and spread rumors lies about me call names like a 3rd grader, way to go! Thanks for the warnings im aware of the things u and others say i also read learn about chinese their culture traditions what to look for being cautious!

Hotwater:

You obviously didn't read the last part of my response or are willfully ignoring it. 

3 years is NOTHING when she's planning for the LONG-TERM! Okay she has to put up with you for 3 years but as soon as she has that green card....whoosh....she's gone! 

cub:

hotwater yes, i read that part but u know this from whom? Lets say for a example there are 10 ladies that have done this and there are 500 ladies that never did this ok? So which would u hear getting reported the most over and over again by the media? Yes thats right the 10 ladies that left after getting thier green card! And u and every one only hears about the 10 its a negative story even though there was 500 ladies that didnt do these things The positive marriages the ones who do work out they get no reports u never hear about them! And now it happens always a 99% of ladies do this from china right? Since u rely on what u hear by friends relatives the media thats all u hear about, then assumptions rumors and much this info how up to date is it? a year 4,5 10 years old or more? For one thing i dont own much i really dont want a kid so materially i have few possesions she could get if a divorce and she leaves happens! Do u have a crystal ball to know and predict the future? When and if a foreign lady visits me and i see any discrepencies any red flags like a lie a exaggeration she has told me or something dont ad up the relationship stops its over ok? And this is BEFORE i get engaged or married! She pays for the trip to visit me!

Hotwater:

Just read that and she never said she was married. She asked if people accept that their partners were whorish. 

sorrel:

"I only have one before marriage"

cub:

yeah sorrel open your eyes I didn't see where she was or is married! where did u read this?

philbravery:

HugeG-reaction asked

so how any partners have you had blah?are your actions whoreish?

Blah> Im am women not men, I only have one before marriage after 7 years love we broke up with my ex

Hotwater:

Apologies Sorrel....I missed that line. 

blah:

sorry, that's problely expression problem. I have one ex-boyfriend.we both was in love for many years. I was trying to say I only had one man to sex , not sex with many people. Perhaps, my ex is only one I have sex with beofore marriage.

cub:

maybe and if/when she was married it was a prearanged marriage by her parents and sometimes there isnt any papers to prove this marriage happened, maybe it was a ceremonial wedding only not recongnized by the chinese government really sorrel who cares? why does this matter? its a non issue to blahs question

xunliang:

Looks like she/he went back and deleted that sentence after you found it. What a weirdo.

cub:

sorrel she hasnt married yet she had a bf just 1 bf for 7 years hes her only one he has been with before she marries he is her ex bf not ex husband this means she hasnt married yet but your former and only bf of 7 years is your ex bf now so u have had 1 ex bf but havent married yet Am i right blah?

philbravery:

Can't even apologies to a lady when you do what you accuse her of hey Creepy

You are a real piece of work

cub:

come on dokken really? dating sites? according to scotsalan sorrel and most on this site only green card chasers dishonest greedy lying chinese single desperate women are on these dating sites Wanting to only get a green card pump ut 5 kids get a divorce take her husbands material possesions those dating sites? [sarcasm] not intended at u dokken

Shining_brow:

"Everybody needs somebody"

Not true! Some people just don't! Just like some people are completely asexual, having absolutely no interest in it. Others just don't like having other people around them.

But it sounds like the OP isn't one of those...

ScotsAlan:

Goodness me Cub. What happened to your young CEO? Have you abandoned her? Did your 419 fall through?

ironman510:

They sound like a perfect match....my my my..

cub:

scots alan are u a old gossipy biddy here? read my post again but with your eyes open this time ok? And stop trying to read between the lines assuming things that are not there! As i said any lady i chat to or write to are just friends till they meet me we see if we are commpatible have chemistry then we go forward in he relationship I also said nothing is set in stone till she whomever it is meets me face to face No mr busy body i didnt ''abandon'' her as u are hoping so u can gossip more with your biddies on this site telling me ''i told u so'' and making assumptions 2nd guessing for a juicy story just so u can feel alive again Do u think i put all my eggs in one basket?As i said to another person here before, with ''friends'' here like u and i use this word loosely who needs enemies? And i was asking blah here questions not addressing u ok? so MYOB for once will u?

ScotsAlan:

Ha ha cub. That made me giggle. Mind my own business.. on a public forum. Ha ha. Bit of a skirt chaser, aren't you me old Cub :-)

cub:

yes scotsalan im glad to amuse u hahahaha no, im no 'skirt chaser'' either! MYOB is keeping rude comments to yourself being u know only fragments about a person! so go ahead laugh away scotty ok?

ironman510:

@scotsAlan, At least we have some new entertainment in cub. lol. 

cub:

And ironman, u know this from? it must be quite a feat to date and get to know millions of single unmarried young and leftover age chinese women! I mean,where did u find the time? Again assumptions run rampant on this site Yes lump all women who are unmarried still single into one negative category ok? Must be nice to had dated married personaly known millions of single unmarried gf partners and exes like u have done! Wow i am impressed!

ironman510:

You should be impressed mate... Please hold the applause. 

ironman510:

Sorry doubled.

cub:

if applause u means im thowing up then u will get a lot of it ironman!

ironman510:

I'll proudly applause your vomiting, BTW what's up with your grammar man? You're not a native speaker are you? It's easy to tell, example: "u means"...

cub:

ironman it was a TYPO ok? getting grief for a typo? u must be bored! And a perfectionist at grammar? No, I am not perfect At least u read it didnt u? sheesh! Yes ironman I went as far as the 3rd grade, so please SUE ME!

DrMonkey:

The only requirement to love is to be alive. People fall in love at any age, you just have to allow yourself to be in love. For example, someone who is worried about sentimentally hurt and not very daring will reject any romantic relationship and make all kind of pretext to no change anything. If you always do the same things everyday and meet always the same people, of course, it's hard to imagine that you might love someone. But if you shake that a little, break the habits (traveling, do things you always desired but never did) and go out of your comfort zone, it's more likely to happen.

earthizen:

No one can guarantee you he is going to live till > 80+ years old, let alone being healthy enough to look after you then. This is easy to illustrate, go to the park, chat with senior ladies in their 70s and see how many still have their husband around. Many of them, now widows, had the same mentality when they got married, also pressured their daughters to get marry using that rationale! To be practical, this is particularly true with the environmental pollution in china, all bets are off.

Your mother worries about your happiness? The pressure is hidden, you are feeling it already otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it. This botherlines on manipulation, a word here and there.  Put all the cards on the table faces up, ask her to find you someone who can make you happy and guarantee he lives longer than you do, or, teach you how since she is sooooo good at doing that. If she can't, she better shut up.

cub:

drmonkey did u man its ''borderlines'' not''botherlines''? a typo?

earthizen:

Actually it can be both if you understand the gist. Do you man or mean typo?

cub:

haha it was a typo plus my keyboard keys stick a little sorry i meant ''mean'' not ''man''

SpongeBob:

Sorry I forgot to say that getting married means lots of responsibilities and a promise for the rest of your life. Blindly getting married due to the trend is extremely irresponsible for 2 of you and will usually lead to failure. If you don't feel happy now, it'll be 2 unhappy people after you get married, and 3 if you have a kid.

ironman510:

I was wondering the same thing.. Mmm.

Shining_brow:

"

blah:

I am woman, not men. I only have one before marriage, after 7 years love, we broke up with my ex."

I still see it! Are you suggesting another edit?

And, given her English, I can see how it would mean "I only had one sex partner before being married"

xunliang:

Oh, I couldn't find it. Regardless, I'd still like to know what it means. Possible she means she was with him for 7 years but never married.

cub:

sinobear, just couldnt resist could u? Does 6 ft 200 lbs sound like a short fat guy? no, didnt think so! And poor? im not broke and being poor money wise isnt a crime! Besides a man who has more wealth than a millionare is rich by what qualities he has on the iside! A man can have millions but be poor and hollow inside! FFT

xunliang:

What?

cub:

blah when/if u find a husband and marry him even if u can t biologicaly have a baby how about adopting a kid? i am sure there are 1000s to choose from an d all ages!

blah:

adopting kids is very serious thing. In the near future, I am afraid I wont consider this option. If possible, I hope that I can  have my own blood.

xunliang:

Just going to ignore my question I see.....

RandomGuy:

Adopting is the ultimate act of selflessness in our world. Those who choose to adopt orphans instead of giving birth in an already overcrowded world are definitely superior to most other people. It takes going against the very reason of our existence: passing on our genes. This ability to go against nature is what differentiate humans from animals.

cub:

ok blah so what options/choices do u have? Here u are maybe not wanting a kid because your bad blood or age or u dont want to adapt so what are u going to do?

blah:

I really dont know. I just drag on time.

cub:

blah, well then look for a man who doesnt have to be wealthy and is lookng for a wife to marry maybe dont want kids and looks are not top priority age isnt a concern who is tired of being alone wants companionship no mater where she is from? u have to start somewhere if u want to get there ok?

SpongeBob:

I can totally understand, we all want our own kids, not adopted ones, because blood is thicker than water. Now let me help you analyze your situation.

You can get married ASAP with a guy maybe arranged by the family, I know lots of Chinese do that, have a baby, live with him happily till it's not, get a divorce. Young kids will usually go to the mother's side. So you can keep the baby until one day, you meet a guy who seems to be a perfect match for you...

Now let's back to reality, a single woman is easier to marry off than a divorced one, and a divorced one is easier to marry off than a divorced woman with kids. And blindly rush into marriage is the method to turn you into category 2 and 3. 

Let's look at the question from another angle. You are 36, and you say you are a leftover, so where have you been between 16 to 36? for 2 decades you couldn't find a man to get married with? I can make an assumption that there's a high chance that you are aesthetic challenged, maybe you have some personality flaws. Anyway, if there were not many boys chasing you when you were in your early 20s, chances of someone's crazy about you when you are 36 is very low and chances of a man who's handsome, tall and rich to be serious about you is nearly 0. This is due to the supply and demand has to be balanced in the mate market. You will end up with a man who's equivalent to you which means he could be old, short, bald, ugly, poor and maybe has psychological illness. 

And if I understand it correctly, to you to have your own baby is more important than a successful marriage right? As I also see you are financially stable so perhaps you are capable of raising a kid on your own.

Let's look at it from a biological standpoint. We all want our babies so that our genes could be passed on. Babies are here to replace us. Men, too, want their babies. However, it takes a woman 10 month to have a baby, and 10 minutes for a guy. If men are allowed to have multiple wives, perhaps those super stars, rich guys, handsome guys will have many wives and some men will get no wife at all. Why? Women wants to choose a better man who will give their kids better genes, so their offspring will have a better chance to survive, we are our genes. 

Now if you want to give up some rights, which is marriage/money, and you tell a guy he does not need to be responsible for the child, you will have a pretty good chance to get a man who is way better than the man who's willing to marry you, there'll be a higher chance you'll have a pretty/smart kid and if you have a child now, the risk of giving birth is lower than if you get older. And it saves trouble to get married and get divorced. Unless you now have someone ready to get married to and you think he truly loves you for who you are, this can be a good option for you.

Sinobear:

"You will end up with a man who's equivalent to you which means he could be old, short, bald, ugly, poor and maybe has psychological illness." Add a few more negatives and you've got yourself a Cub!

ScotsAlan:

Quote Spongebob: "However, it takes a woman 10 month to have a baby, and 10 minutes for a guy."

Chinese bodies certainly are different

blah:

@SpongBob  I did have boyfriend before, broke up with him in 2008.( we were classmates.) After that, I was single . In the first a few years after I broke up with him,  I did not think about dating and marriage thing. until I reached my 33, I started to realize the situation is tense.  my peers all got married and give birth babies.

My family did arrange a guy whom I blind dated with last year. The relationship lasted 6 months, No matter how we both try hard, we just do not have chemistry. 

around me , resources have already exhausted. people I know are from classmates, colleagues. No other way!  This year, I have been trying marriage agency. But, people are not easy to fall in love. 

SpongeBob:

2008-2015, 7 years and you found no one?! You seriously need to adjust your expectations, maybe require less chemistry in the relationship, remember, you are the one who's willing to get married as soon as possible, if you want to sell something sooner, you lower the price, in your case, you lower your standers so you can have more choices. Even the Cub guy on the site is still looking for a 20 year old beauty, so you should target guys in their 60s or 70s and see if you get any candidates, not the 40 year old successful handsome men, or you'll just be as confused after another 7 years...

blah:

@SpongeBob  I do feel I have no time to be picky person. But, I wont let this worries to disturb my normal life. I do not want to lower my expectations. I wont marry with a man who looks like my dad. If i cannot find some one I like, I would rather be single. Finding a rubbish man is not cost effective, marriage wont be good, will end up I looking after him in the marriage life. I am calculating!

from you suggestions, I knew you dont  treat man and woman equal. 

cub:

no spongebob, my search or interest isnt just for 23 year old chinese women i can have a relationships with because 30 40 year old and up to my age i dont mind ok? i am not limiting my choices just to 20 year old women! It just im interested in the current lady who is 23 as of now and again nothing has been set in stone yet!

cub:

@blah this marriage agency, is it also a dating agency thats for locals only or is it known worldwide?What is the name of this agency if u can are allowed to tell me or say it on this site? There are a lot of marriage/dating sites out there! Some are good some are bad!

blah:

@cub  It is called “真情在线”，which located dongdaqiao ,near dongdaqiao subway station, in Chaoyang district in Beijing. the service offered is on 10th floor of 蓝岛大厦.

I am afraid it does not offer worldwide service.

blah:

I mention financial situation just means I wont be a burden on somebody. No other meaning!

ScotsAlan:

Lots of divorced people in China now. Mid 30s to 50s. The old traditions are not as strong as they were.

expatlife26:

don't forget to check in every morning with SAFEA!

They appreciate your calls!

cub:

@scotsalan, i think in america we had a period that single unmarried women were called or shamed by calling them ''spinsters'' or ''old maids! kind of the same, maybe around 1860s to 1950s maybe

cub:

@scotsalan yes, i have read about when chinese women who when drinking the ice water would have dire consequences! How did this start? very strange

ScotsAlan:

But to use the word "spinster" was not an insult. It is a reference to maritial status, same as bachelor surely? "Old maid"....not really an insult. Probably to do with retired house servants. Maybe not allowed to marry and stay in service ? "left over woman" is a bit insulting. Implies unwanted.

cub:

scotsalann, are we splitting hairs here? those words were still a negative view on a unmarried lady by society they still carried a stigma! maybe not as harsh as the meaning of leftover The words spinster or old maid were still not a good thing @ coine are u like scotsalan saying to not judge but by saying this u assume and u are now judging me?

cub:

coin how about the unmarried single ladies keep thier legs closed say no and the guys keep thier pants on and zipped up? What? u mean no pregnacies or diseases? Its amazing how this proven method of birth control and disease control has never been tried before! By doing this its a 100% garantee they wont get/have unwanted babies and STDs but not counting rape Or act like animals convince yourself we are animals act like sluts and suffer the consequences Having a unwanted pregnancy and getting diseases are a judgement of thier own!

cub:

has any one heard of STDs? no, condoms are not 100% fool proof either no garantees! And with pills its easy to forget about using them when supposed to and if forgotten then its ''oops'' pregnancy time! But then again thats why china has abortions available right? i could say harsher things but u get my drift!

ScotsAlan:

Ha ha cub. China has abortions because of it's one child policy. Also, they don't have bible bashers saying it's a sin.

coineineagh:

cub: Ignorance and judgementalism INCREASES the risks and spead of STDs. When people are afraid to ask about them, unable to take precautions, and unable to get the support they need after contraction, everyone suffers. Piety is also not a fullproof defense against STDs. Does contracting AIDS mean someone has done something 'bad'? If people want to be accepted in a community, they will lie about their promiscuity (which can either be result of their own sexual desire, greed or poverty prostitution), lie about being healthy, and even lie about their knowledge of pregnancy and disease. It's typical that you judge people for wanting different things, rather than allowing them the leeway to safely do what they want. We need to stop reacting emotionally, and start responding with common sense.

cub:

whoa scotsalan did i ever say i was a christian here? NO! i didnt see, u are now assuming and judging me as a accusation! Nice PC label ''bible basher as though to sham a person! just like the word leftover a negative word nice job scotsalan!

ScotsAlan:

Great reply to cub there coin... But way over his head.

cub:

yeah scotsalan he upped me on that one! scotsalan, hehe Are u in 3rd grade now? Assuminng things calling names labeling makin up things i never said! way to go scotsalan good job! NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do u know we judge everything in our lives? Did i judge any one here by words? no! Yes thats right there isnt anything thats right or wrong these days is there? So please stop assuming thiings i never said!

coineineagh:

cub's first comment talked about STDs and pregnancy, with a mocking tone implying I somehow overlooked this issue. But the issue has more to do with education and access to health care, than it does to promiscuity or 'virtue'. It's sort of disingenuous to make these sarcastic insinuations finished with "you get my drift", and then call me out for hypocrisy because I NEVER SAID THAT R U IN 3RD GRADE? STOP ASSUMING THINGS I NEVER SAID!!! It's so obviously two-faced.

cub:

coin, i never said u said i was in 3rd grade! 3rd graders call names like scotsalan did! l was addressing scotsalan about thiss not u i was refering to him! And when u talk about sex pregancies wanted or unwanted obortions birth control methods sleeping around STDs u need to put ALL OPTIONS out there to choose from! IS killing a unborn baby wrong a sin? yes it is Why not ask the baby that as aborted if its right it wasnt allowed to live? When u dont call something wrong then u are condoning it! When morality knowing right and wrong is ignored or laughed at then there are many consequences u have to pay for! So yes coin u overlooked the issue about no sex eqals no babies no STDs because u never mentioned it! Doing what they want? thats the problem when any one every one does what they want! Do what they want and there are consequences to pay like STDs divorces affairs pregnancies then abortions that are the answer! OK coin lets say that anyone everybody can get free acces to birth control methods medical help and ''health care'' advice and are being educated about it So will this stop STDs and unwanted pregancies from happening this all disapears, now abortions are never needed? U and i know that STDs unwanted pregnancies will still happen if this utopia was here and do u know why? because of pride lust and people doing what they want Also being too proud to admit thier mistake admitting they were wrong! The ''u get my drift'' comment was i could said harsher but true words but i didnt did i coin So now im being judged

coineineagh:

I guess I should complain about my highschool crush and all the other girls who did't let me make them pregnant: They prevented the creation of babies who would have been loved and had every right to exist. If I ever meet an attractive Christian girl, I'll use it as my emergency backup pick-up line. People will always do what they want. Trying to control people, limit their freedom, will only lead to the powerful doing what they want with impunity while the common person gets judged and punished for the same thing. Freely available birth control and treatments will greatly diminish abortions, unwanted children and unnecessary disease spread. But it needs a regulated healthcare system that isn't operated by greedy pill peddlers generating scarcity for profit. It needs universal education that doesn't restrict discussion of important topics out of prudity. People need values that SOLVE problems, not create more. Do your values solve problems?

cub:

yes coin they solve problems only if they are used not laughed at made fun of not scorned and actually used not swept under the rug now coin, if we are talking about a country so open as china where everyone freely admits thier problems opens up and admit thier mistakes appologises this would be great wouldnt it?

coineineagh:

China wouldn't be so hard to change. The people basically do what the gov't dictates, so if China stops teaching ignorance, Chinese people would know a lot more about sex education. They don't have values that prevent birth control or abortion, and since families are so important, better knowledge would make a big difference. The hospitals are the bigger problem in China; too much fake & dangerous pills being peddled, making anticonception unreliable and potentially hazardous.

cub:

yes coin i agree that china is corrupt and fraud abounds! i have read and heard of this! But then again whaat do u expect fom a communistic country and government? Here in USA it used to be the parents that explained about ''the birds and the bees'' to thier kids i mean they still do this but with all the info we have about this they learn it from many places! A person would think in this day and age the chinese parents discuss sex to thier kids also and if not by now u would think they are doing this Like they say knowlege is power!