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Posts: 2240

Shifu

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Q: Should I leave Shanghai?

I have been in Shanghai for almost four years in searching of a white husband,but I am still being single in the end. I think I am such a loser. And I realized that I would never say hi to the guy I found attractive in real life if he doesn't start the first line because I am shy which I just can't change. Most exes I had in the past are found from Internet,the only thing good is they were in Shanghai which makes easier to meet.

I will be soon reach my 30 years old chinese age a few monthes latter which I feel freak out with horrors and depressing. I know you people will laugh at me for being so chinese. It's  easy for you to say. As a chinese woman,no matter how western my life style is. This part of me is deeply inside of me affected by the society pressure and culture which is very hard for me to change.

I am so bored of Shanghai after been here for almost four years. But I am still single and I just don't feel attracted to a Chinese man. Where should I go and what should I do?

8 years 21 weeks ago in  General  - China

 
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Emperor

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Feng Jie (Luo Yufeng) or Vicki or the same person?

 

Luo first gained attention in November 2009, after passing out flyers in Shanghai seeking a marriageable boyfriend who was required to meet excessive requirements.[1][2] For example, she specified that such boyfriend "must be an elite with a degree in economics or similar from Peking University or Tsinghua University" and "must also be 176 to 183 centimeters tall and good looking."[3] At that time, she was working as a cashier at a Carrefour in Shanghai, though she claimed she "works for a Fortune 500 company" (Carrefour ranked 25th on the 2009 Fortune Global 500 list).

 

Credit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luo_Yufeng

silverbutton1:

well, technically she wasnt lying about working for a fortune 500 company. but, IMO she was being misleading by stating such b/c it is understood to mean that you are working there in a mid to upper level position.

8 years 21 weeks ago
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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
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Posts: 2855

Emperor

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Your life, your decision.

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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
Posts: 139

Governor

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If you want different results than what you're getting, you have to try different approaches!

Sometimes it is as simple as changing your point of view, I’m not saying changing the city won’t help you, but that would be the last option!

Good Luck!

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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
Posts: 92

Governor

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You feel despressed because you care a lot what people think of you though you said you dont, you try to get attention everywhere cos you have so much free time doing nothing,keep yourself busy girl ,not online but in your real life,try to make more friends in your real life,you dont have many friends do you?

 

 

 

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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
Posts: 224

Governor

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Throwing yourself at foreign men is being desperate . Foreigners run away from people like that. It's obvious you just want a green card. 

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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
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Throwing yourself at foreign men is being desperate . Foreigners run away from people like that. It's obvious you just want a green card. 

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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
Posts: 724

Shifu

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Is your biggest fear the fear of never getting married?  Is your biological clock ticking and you spend your nights worried about never getting married or finding love and having a family? Is this the dream that you have that you feel you have no control over whatsoever? Fear actually blocks love from entering into our lives.  Our energy is one of desperation when we live in fear and that energy repels love.  Society is partially responsible for this fear, for society teaches that marriage and a family are the normal. The fact however is love comes in many forms and normal has nothing at all to do with it. When all those around you are in a relationship and you are alone, is it a reminder again to you of what you don’t have?  Do you look at it like, it will never happen to me and cause you to be more worried about never getting married?  Or do you look at it with hope, it happened for them, it can happen for me. Do you feel despair when all your friends are in a relationship and getting married but you?  Do you look at it from the mindset of abundance or a mindset of scarcity?  In other words do you see it as your chances for love are slimmer now, scarcity, or this means if they have love, there is more love and i can get it too, abundance? Coming from a scarcity mentality, again, your energy is that of desperation, and that is negative energy.  Negative energy is not going to attract love into your life.  If your mentality is that of abundance, your energy and vibration is high, and this energy attracts love in all forms. The root of the fear and why you are worried about never getting married, other than society brainwashing, is the fear of being alone.  The fear of growing old alone, the fear of dying alone. I saw a post a week or so ago about 2 older women and how one of the ladies in the group had spoken to these older women and the women shared their regret about never getting married and growing old alone.  At the risk of an unpopular opinion on this subject, I have to say hogwash. Are you telling me these women measured their value in life by their marital status?  At the end of their lives they are really living in regret as opposed to the joy they experienced in their lives?  What a sad say way to reach the end of your life, by thinking of what you lack as opposed to what you have. If marriage and a family your main purpose in life?  Is there not more to you than this.  Does weather you are in a relationship and headed for marriage define you?  Is that who you really are? When you overcome this fear of being alone, regrets will cease to exist. You will stop being worried about never getting married.  

Hotwater:

Good words....where did you copy & paste them from?

 

Vicky has two problems here. Only wanting a white guy and all the pressure, started by the all women's federation of China, of being Sheng Nv. It's almost ingrained in Chinese women know that they MUST be married (& preferably) have a child by 29 or they are past it. 

8 years 21 weeks ago
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SpongeBob:

I don't see the problem. If she wants a white guy, then passing age 30 shouldn't be the issue. Many foreigners prefer older women as Chinese women are in general more childish and men want a wife, not a baby girl. Plus there are so many foreigners in Shanghai, I know several who would lose an arm to get a wife...I'm not here for very long and I don't know many foreigners, yet I know the majority of Chinese women prefer Chinese guys or would at least make them an option. I don't know anyone other than Viki who's so into a white guy and she also believes everyone wants a white guy, it's not true. Almost every foreigner I know here who's looking for a relationship/marriage tells me it's very hard to find a nice girl. I saw there are some very good suggestions on here, instead of trying hard and approaching men in the street, Viki should try to be the right woman first, get friends, get busy, get a life, be happy...then men will want to win her as a prize. ;)

8 years 21 weeks ago
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Hotwater:

Totally agree with you! Vicky's problem is that she is desperate to marry a white guy soon and that must come across when she meets guys. She also chases the younger guys, the ones who are probably only here temporarily and don't want to settle down yet.

 

I've heard lots of stories from foreigners here who meet Chinese women on dates and by the 2nd one the women are talking about marriage and babies! That's way too soon for most western guys, they'll just run away!

8 years 21 weeks ago
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Sinobear:

Copy/pasted from: http://katarinaphang.com/worried-about-never-getting-married/

 

8 years 21 weeks ago
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SpongeBob:

Exactly, just google it, you'll find some really good answers online. After all, ecc is not a site for dating experts. ;)

8 years 21 weeks ago
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Viki87:

I didn't say every chinese woman wants a white guy. What I meant is most of them want white men but afraid to date white men. I heard a lot of Chinese girls saying how handsome white men look like. Even while I was walking on the street,I could heard girls talking.

8 years 21 weeks ago
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SpongeBob:

OK. Why is that affecting you?

8 years 21 weeks ago
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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
Posts: 186

Governor

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What's your phone number, Viki ?

 

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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
Posts: 759

Shifu

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Hmm, some-boodddys hit the wall. let me double check...she's 30. Yep, hit the wall alright. 

http://mgtow.wikia.com/wiki/Wall

 

Spiderboenz:

Wow...  Sounds like some basement dwelling virgin neck-beards took a break from D&D long enough to write this wiki.

8 years 21 weeks ago
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expatlife26:

I agree that nobody cool has anything to do with that wiki.

 

But D&D people by definition have social lives and hobbies. If you can get 5 people to come and play a game with you at your house than you have a good social life.

 

I think the people who write that stuff are people who really don't have friends, just feel really dead ended. All they have is resentment towards women and like...fantasy football or something.

 

Give me a D&D fanatic over a fantasy sports fanatic any day

8 years 21 weeks ago
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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1391

Emperor

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Yes, no.

Maybe.

I don't know.

Can you repeat the question?

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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
Posts: 85

Governor

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I think u should wait the right person at the right time will meet u not matter where u are so u should wait.

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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3868

Emperor

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Where are you going to go? You want to meet white foreigners & live a partly western lifestyle. In China that leaves you with Beijing, Guangzhou, Shenzhen & a handful of other tier two cities. 

 

Best to stay where you are but relax in your manhunt....take notice of the advice you've had on here, maybe look for a more mature guy...

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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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My advice, don't go to Suzhou. No foreign guys here.

I heard Shenzhen is the new place to go. Lots of english teachers there desperate to learn about and experience real chinese "culture"

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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2774

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Perhaps if you move your main feeding grounds out of the French Quarter and diversify your diet something good will come of it.

 

Someone once said: you will never find love while you are looking for it

 

Einstein said: the definition of insanity is when you keep doing the same thing and expect different results

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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
Posts: 267

Governor

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I doubt there is anybody else understands you better then the folks of ECC... maybe you should just arrange a f2f meet with few members and see where it goes.

ScotsAlan:

PM her your wechat. Then you will see now nasty she is.

8 years 21 weeks ago
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Karma101:

haha no thanks, I usually avoid making a comment on her post for the very same reason... 

8 years 21 weeks ago
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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2774

Emperor

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Feng Jie (Luo Yufeng) or Vicki or the same person?

 

Luo first gained attention in November 2009, after passing out flyers in Shanghai seeking a marriageable boyfriend who was required to meet excessive requirements.[1][2] For example, she specified that such boyfriend "must be an elite with a degree in economics or similar from Peking University or Tsinghua University" and "must also be 176 to 183 centimeters tall and good looking."[3] At that time, she was working as a cashier at a Carrefour in Shanghai, though she claimed she "works for a Fortune 500 company" (Carrefour ranked 25th on the 2009 Fortune Global 500 list).

 

Credit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luo_Yufeng

silverbutton1:

well, technically she wasnt lying about working for a fortune 500 company. but, IMO she was being misleading by stating such b/c it is understood to mean that you are working there in a mid to upper level position.

8 years 21 weeks ago
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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
Posts: 95

Governor

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Hey babe,

If you want to leave the you can come to Guangzhou. There are lots of jobs here and you can stay at mine until you find your own place.

Noel05:

Please accept the gratitude of all Shanghai men.

They will forever be indebted to you !!

8 years 20 weeks ago
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8 years 21 weeks ago
 
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