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Posts: 2240

Shifu

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Q: Should leave my ipad to my 5 yo nephew?

I have a laptop for work and an ipad for entertainment mainly. My younger sister asked me to leave my ipad to my five years old nephew to play as he likes my ipad so much. He is my older sister's son. My older sister is divorced and isn't making good money. How do you think?Should I? My younger sister is blaming me for being selfish now.

8 years 1 week ago in  General  - China

 
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Posts: 7204

Emperor

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so you want to break up with nephew ?
seriously if you don't want to give away your things that hou worked for then don't
if you want to get on in the western world you need to stop thinking the Chinese way
your cousin is only saying that because you have something she doesn't
so tell her to go get a job and save for one like you have.

Viki87:

I did. now she blamed on me. She has job just not make as much as my job does. My entire family hates my way to educate my nephew. They told me that he ia not my son. Awwww But the boy is my big fan. I taught him to not spit and not play knife. I do not wanna give him lots of money in case he becomes greedy. I refused to monitor the boy to do home work as I think he should enjoy his kindergarden not homework.

8 years 1 week ago
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philbravery:

unfortunately you can't choose your family and they will continue to think like main stream China if it was me i would limit what i tell them about my life and not flash around what i have . maybe then a harmonious life will return. like it or not you are between a rock and a hard place . you do not want to be tied to life in China and you haven't yet found a way forward . i know i give you a lot of shit ...but i do feel sorry for you ......well sometimes anyway. i wish i had a easy answer for you but i dont

8 years 1 week ago
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Viki87:

I do not want to give him iPad because it's bad for his eyes. My family never limites his time for playing iPad and mobile. He is only 5. Seriously?

I still didn't give after consideration. My whole family dislike me for my way to treat him. He is only 4 western age. My Dad gave him 800rmb as HongBao. I think that's too much as my Dad is 60 already and he isn't a rich father. But the boy's mother(my older sister) accepted the money. Lol to me,I was like wtf. That's how I throught but I didn't say it.

My Dad even blamed on me for less gift and money to the boy. I am dealing a lot of pressure from family.

8 years 1 week ago
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Sinobear:

Bad for his eyes? Do you not read anything of magical and mysterious science? An hor before bed, no TV or other device that emits light high in the blue spectrum.

 

Ignorance at its best.

8 years 1 week ago
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Viki87:

I was actually telling that I wanted to leave iPad to my younger sister as I think she may need it for switching job by looking jobs online sometimes. My sisters do not have computer even.

then she told me she didn't need iPad and asked me to leave iPad to my little nephew to play. Then I told her a NO.

I think I can pay my little nephew's kindergarden fee if my older sister is too poor to afford. But definetely not leave him an iPad to play hours by hours everyday.

8 years 1 week ago
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Shining_brow:

Holy crap!! 800RMB to a 5 year old? an iPad for 'entertainment' when the family doesn't even have a computer!

 

That's just fked up!

 

I get the 'filial piety' stuff... but 'piety' shouldn't mean 'succumb to guilt trips and completely ignore the long term consequences of your actions for short term joys".

 

Your sister, and by extension, father, are being incredibly irresponsible! And, I think, you have a duty to tell them that!

8 years 1 week ago
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8 years 1 week ago
 
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You could let him use the iPad when you visit if he's been good. Though your sisters might think that is mean. 

 

Teaching him him not to spit is great. 

Viki87:

I teach him because his mother is failed to be a good example.

She spit around before her own child. 

I taught the boy to be not like his mother and I told him that mother is dirty for spitting around.

8 years 1 week ago
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8 years 1 week ago
 
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Don't let people make claims on your property, especially family. The nephew got addicted to your iPad, which shouldn't have been allowed to happen.

As a young father, I have discovered that children learn nothing from getting what they want. Having fun motivates children's decision making, but you are under no obligation to maintain their fun.

Viki87:

The newphew got addicted to mobile once he was a baby. His mother' fault. That's why he got addicted to my iPad...

8 years 1 week ago
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8 years 1 week ago
 
Posts: 7178

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Wait a minute. You asked here months ago about buying an iPad for your side business. So you paid for 2? You have 2 identical items and use each for different things. Wow.

Shining_brow:

You're sure??

8 years 1 week ago
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8 years 1 week ago
 
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If you give it to him, you'll just be reinforcing the idea that if he wants something, then emotional blackmail is the way to get it and if he doesn't he should sulk and blame others for his own shortcomings.

 

If you really find yourself under family pressure for this I'd buy him a cheaper tablet and give it to him for his birthday or something.

Viki87:

Believe me. If I buy him a cheap tablet. I will be called selfish too.

I once bought cheap candies and got blamed

8 years 1 week ago
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Stiggs:

No offence intended to your family, but she sounds like a beggar I gave money to once. Ok it wasn't much - maybe 3 or 4 RMB - but I didn't have to give anything -  I was abused and called names because I didn't give enough.

I really don't understand where the sense of entitlement comes from. When you're asking for charity from people you don't get to dictate the terms.

 

 

8 years 1 week ago
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8 years 1 week ago
 
Posts: 1845

Shifu

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If you give in to their demands they will do it everytime your sister wants something. You earned the Ipad by working hard for it. I have a fantastic idea. Say that your sister can earn the ipad to give to her son. Have her wash your clothes and do housework to earn it. She will refuse put it is a way of laughing in the sister you hates face.

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8 years 1 week ago
 
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just to clarify when you say sister you mean cousin right?

Viki87:

No. My real sister

8 years 1 week ago
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philbravery:

really ...wow i thought with 1 child policy it wasn't easy to have siblings i know right now you don't think so .however you are very lucky to have a big family

8 years 1 week ago
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diverdude1:

it's a Western joke Viki~  

8 years 1 week ago
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philbravery:

actually I was being sincere this time . believe it or not i have some empathy for her

8 years 1 week ago
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Shining_brow:

Phil, there are technicalities, particularly amongst poorer families in farming communities. Technicalities include whether the first child is male or female, whether the parents have siblings, etc (and, of course, if people have money).

8 years 1 week ago
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8 years 1 week ago
 
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just put the ipad under your mattress for your own personal use and tell them somebody stoled your ipad, they will probably think it deserved to be stolen from you, and never mention the ipad to the family again.

 

try to enjoy what good your life has, but a little more modestly.also any parent that would let their kid become a phone zombie under the age of five should be tortured by being buried in a foxhole full of fire ants.

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8 years 1 week ago
 
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I wrote it above, I'll write it again here - your father and sister are being incredibly irresponsible parents! And they need to know this.

 

You may not get to choose your family - but you do get to choose how you interact with them.

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8 years 1 week ago
 
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Yes, Yes, Yes!!!

 

Give give give me more more more, I want it all: is an excellent quality to instill into every child.

 

Oh wait......I forgot where I am, that job has been done. Forget what I said.

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8 years 1 week ago
 
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