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Posts: 2536

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Q: Signs it might be time to break up with a Chinese GF?

What would you tolerate?  What would you not put up with?
What do you write off as cultural annoinces and where do you draw the line?
All opinions welcome, men and women.

12 years 19 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Comments (9)
Posts: 1142

Shifu

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Cheating
Physical Violence designed to inflict pain, not show displeasure. (chinese womeen seem to have happy hands. They hit each other too) 100%
Spends your money but never buys anything for you
Wants you to 'meet her family' but you don't want to get married
Sheer Boredom. Woman has nothing to say in Chinese or English
She is too young for you and it is dawning on you only now

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12 years 19 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1911

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The first thing you need to ask yourself.... are you happy in the relationship?

If she is doing things you find intolerable, no matter what they are, it doesn't matter what anyone else will and will not tolerate. YOU are the one who has to live with your decision. Whether cultural or not, maybe there are somethings you can not live with. 

You can try to work out a compromise, talk to her.. take the time to tell her what you don't like, and let her tell you what she doesn't like. Then you have to decide together if those things will change, or if the good things outweigh the bad things.If you don't talk and work things out, and make the changes that need to be made, you will be resenting each other, and that isn't fair to either of you.

 

thedude:

You are right, communication has been an issue...thanks.

12 years 19 weeks ago
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12 years 19 weeks ago
 
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There is an old joke that went:

A man was dating 3 women and he knew it was time to settle down with just one.  So he devised a test to judge their character.  He gave each of them $100 to see what they would do with it.

The first one spent it completely on herself.  When he asked why, she said, "Because you deserve a woman who looks beautiful."

The second one spent half on herself and half on him.  When he asked why, she said, "I think of us as partners, everything 50/50."

The third woman took the money and put it in a high interest yielding bond.  She then gave the bond back to the man.  When he asked why, she said, "I think of it as an investment in our future.  You can cash the bond if we ever fall on hard times."

The man pondered the results of his test.  He then married the one with the biggest tits.

Xpat.John:

Basically, everyone is different. You put up with what you will put up with. You will tolerate what you tolerate. No one can tell you different. Just don't let her control you otherwise she will never have any respect for you and will treat you badly for the rest of your days.

12 years 19 weeks ago
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thedude:

Thanks man, that was the best laugh I have had in weeks and was well needed! The issues we are having are not about control, or how she treats me, but more about what she thinks she can get away with....boundaries....not cheating or anything like that.

12 years 19 weeks ago
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TedDBayer:

can i have the one with the small ones?

12 years 19 weeks ago
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steve0sha:

quality

12 years 18 weeks ago
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Scandinavian:

@Xpat: Why you call this a joke, isn't it just a fact of life ? (see I am working on my wumaoish by leaving out the "do")

10 years 49 weeks ago
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debbie.luo:

Hahaha, that was a good one. Gave me a nice laugh before bedtime.

10 years 49 weeks ago
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12 years 19 weeks ago
 
Posts: 47

Governor

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One girl simply told me she didn't want to be with me anymore because I moved back to America. So I let her go.

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12 years 18 weeks ago
 
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when money comes up every time you meet, run dont walk.

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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
Posts: 53

Governor

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If she thinks her family is more important than you and all your fights are her and her family and friends, you'd better let her go for good. She'll never stay for you no matter how much she says she loves you. She'll never get away from her family and friends and for sure she won't be happy with you. 

LAR:

Well said.

10 years 49 weeks ago
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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
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To me it was a VERY possessive attitude, with talks about marriage and having a kid.

I'm way too young for that.

Mr_spoon:

Oh, and the way she tried to control the money I spent.

I mean, it's money my parents give me, why would she even get involved in this matter.

10 years 49 weeks ago
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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
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When she started talking about marriage and children.

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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
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Other than the obvious cheating stuff...

 

When she's discovered to be a completely lazy slob. The last 2 girls I've dated, and all their friends, plus all of my wife's friends were frigging slobs. They basically did nothing but play video games all day. Take note, most of these lazy women will tell you they're lazy in advance. They're looking for someone to wait on them hand and foot. They will not change for you.

 

When I go to work and come home to a pig sty that I must spend hours cleaning up, despite the fact that I've asked the girl very nicely (20 damn times) to clean up, I know I'm heading into a disaster. When I have to cook, clean, do the laundry, dishes, mop the floor, etc., while she sits on her ass, it's time to go.

 

When I come home from work, I really want to relax, not spend the next several hours cleaning. I could do that on my own without a woman, but if I'm feeding her, and she's not working, and not doing anything but surfing the web and playing games, it's obvious it wasn't an actual relationship to begin with.

 

What's with all the lazy Chinese women? They aren't at all like their older counterparts. I think it's because they had everything handed to them (even the really poor girls like my wife's friends) from the beginning, and never had to work for anything, and therefore have no work ethic. Come to think of it, that sounds a lot like welfare...

 

When she's been caught in many lies. Both previous girls lied their asses off.

 

When I can't stand looking at her. It's really annoying. I couldn't even stand looking at the last girl's face and couldn't wait to get out, but she kept threatening suicide every time I told her I wasn't happy. If you care enough, you can be the worst boyfriend ever so they'll warm up to the idea of leaving you.

 

When you discover you're both incompatible. What you want may not be what she wants, and vice versa. Very few people make sacrifices for relationships these days. If you want kids, but she doesn't, then just go. Even if she says she'll give you kids as long as you stay with her, don't believe her - especially if you're against abortion. Just go. She'll hate the kids eventually and walk out (seen it happen many times to friends in my hometown). Same thing goes for women seeking guys.

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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
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It is the way they view "non Chinese" men, how they "hunt"for them, try to manipulate the relationship and present themselves on the dating sites that after a while becomes un attractive. They like to appear angelic and gentle when they first meet you, you think you are in heaven but it all changes. You really are someone to look after them. You are there to provide. Almost as if you owed them something. They grew up differently, the culture, their entire thinking and understanding of life is different. Many of the relationships no matter what we think are based on the initial physical attraction and can be tolerated due to the language barrier that manages to cover the true issues.   

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10 years 49 weeks ago
 
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