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Q: Spoiled Chinese murder victims?

Yesterday, my wife told me one of her former classmates had been murdered.
A guy was murdered by his own parents. I was ready to console her about it.

But she told a story about the guy's abusive attitude, always laying blame on his parents for being poor, always demanding money, even being physically violent. Clearly he harassed them excessively. It's you're run-of-the-mill "a life for an eye" situation.

I was surprised that my wife felt the guy deserved to be killed. He had a sister, so then I said it's so sad for the sister that her parents will now be executed. Death penalty, right? Nope. Apparently only the mother gets a whopping 3 years in prison.

I don't know full details, but it clearly can't be self defense if there is a prison sentence. It can't be guanxi or bribes if these parents were truly poor, so it must be an air of sympathy and community support that the parents received from being victims of the visible harassment. But how far can extenuating circumstances go?

Then my wife draws a typical Chinese conclusion that gives me shivers: The boy got killed because he had been SPOILED too much as a child. Nice one: The parents are more criticized for their parenting than for the actual murder. It should be noted that there is no mention of bad education, disfunctional culture or a society where loving money more than family is the norm. Nope; it's solely the parents' fault he turned out bad.

I shudder to think how this simplistic reasoning will reflect on my kids upbringing, as my son Owen is in that "terrible two" phase now, where he's being very selfish and disruptive. But I see no signs of any tiger parenting attempts yet.

The conclusion is probably due to influence from the community that got the mother 3 years for killing her child. Even after 3 years of China, I'm still shocked hoe people can make bad decisions and form skewed conclusions. Can't wait to get out of China.

6 years 17 weeks ago in  Family & Kids - China

 
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No offense to your wife but many Chinese have sociopathic tendencies.

 

My girlfriend sometimes frightens me with her thoughts or reactions to other people killing themselves or things like poverty, yet she is a wonderful partner. Basically her reactions to an acquaintance killing oneself can range from "Too bad for him" to "He was a loser" but never any expression of sadness. Yet I know that inside she is very emotional, but she only breaks her iron wall in our very intimacy, never in public.

 

There is a saying that goes like "Chinese have 3 faces, one for the general public (no emotions, cold hearted, ...), one for their acquaintances (strong, no signs of weakness, ...) and one for their close relatives (emotional, show their weaknesses, ...)", the last is their true face, but sometimes they are also the second face with their very close relatives.

 

I don't know but think that many Chinese lack compassion due to the hard life they had under Mao, elders remember and they passed it onto the youth by telling stories. Back then Chinese were surviving, not living, there was no room for compassion.

 

And I must admit to have turned a bit sociopathic myself after that much time in China.

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6 years 17 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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Without knowing anything at all about this situation other than your description, I actually (mostly) side with your wife on this one.

 

Everyone here goes through the same system. I'm not saying it's great or even good but most people don't feel the need to kill their own kid after he or she goes through it. There had to be something wrong there.

 

For parents to do that - and it can't have been easy, far from it - I think there had to be a reason other than he's just angry and doesn't respect his parents. Maybe he was being overly violent in public and at home, showing all the signs of being the next nutter to walk into a kindergarten with a knife and start kiling kids or something. Maybe they were scared for their own safety, and other people's, and just acted in what they felt was for the good of society and their community.

 

The fact that the mother was given a light sentence could be a reflection of how the community felt about the son and his anger issues, and how the parents handled the problem they caused through 'bad parenting', for the good of the village.

 

 

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6 years 17 weeks ago
 
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I know what you mean coin. I have known my wife for 10 years and she still surprizes me in the same way your wife has.

For example, a noodle shop in our street closed and was converted into a fruit shop. I mentioned this to my wife, and I suggested the noodle people must have gone back to their hometown because their two kids were getting to school age.

"oh no", she replied in a preoccupied manner, "The woman threw herself from window of their apartment".

I had a wtf moment at that. I could not understand my wifes matter of fact attitude.

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6 years 17 weeks ago
 
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It is a very icy view on things isn't it?

 

Because you spoiled your child, your child was too demanding and so you killed him...

 

So the murder is a result of the former action which is being spoiled. Therefore you will be sentenced to three years for spoiling the child but not murder.

 

Even writing this hurts my head... I may black out soon from using too much Chinese logic... oh god... here comes the migraines!

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6 years 17 weeks ago
 
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No offense to your wife but many Chinese have sociopathic tendencies.

 

My girlfriend sometimes frightens me with her thoughts or reactions to other people killing themselves or things like poverty, yet she is a wonderful partner. Basically her reactions to an acquaintance killing oneself can range from "Too bad for him" to "He was a loser" but never any expression of sadness. Yet I know that inside she is very emotional, but she only breaks her iron wall in our very intimacy, never in public.

 

There is a saying that goes like "Chinese have 3 faces, one for the general public (no emotions, cold hearted, ...), one for their acquaintances (strong, no signs of weakness, ...) and one for their close relatives (emotional, show their weaknesses, ...)", the last is their true face, but sometimes they are also the second face with their very close relatives.

 

I don't know but think that many Chinese lack compassion due to the hard life they had under Mao, elders remember and they passed it onto the youth by telling stories. Back then Chinese were surviving, not living, there was no room for compassion.

 

And I must admit to have turned a bit sociopathic myself after that much time in China.

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6 years 17 weeks ago
 
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Seems to be another nail in the coffin for Chinese parenting. 

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6 years 17 weeks ago
 
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But the child was the parents property. They shouldn't have been punished at all.

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6 years 17 weeks ago
 
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Just curious, but do you know the details of how they murdered him ? Seems to me it would be "logical" to kill ones offspring with poison. Im using the word "logical" very loosely here, obviously since murdering soemone isnt too logical now is it.

 

I ask this question because I seemed to remember watching those crime investigation shows in the states, and the manner of death can profile what type of murder it was. [example:  stabbing someone numerous times is typically a passion/hate/estranged lover  type of murder.]

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6 years 17 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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It's only tragic if it happens to them.

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6 years 5 weeks ago
 
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Things never heard in China.....

 

"Today's Sesame Street was brought to you by the word EMPATHY"

 

Its a big failing in this society. Really spoils things and devalues the place.

But of course its not seen that way.

Ikea gave more in aid to the Philippines after the recent typhoon than China did.

Swedish self assembly furniture company VS the worlds biggest economy and self proclaimed centre of the world......WIN!!!!

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6 years 5 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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Like Eorthisio, I've become a proper sociopath.

 

Having said that, he clearly had it coming. How D.A.R.E. he give his parents such grief? Three years in prison for the mother? Are you kidding me? She should be paraded around the streets as a hero for upholding the one-child policy by making his sister the only child.

 

You know, that's probably why it's only three years. It's sending a clear message to parents: if you got two kids, by all means, kill one of them and you'll get a light sentence.

 

They'll probably get more money for the daughter than the son took away from them.

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6 years 5 weeks ago
 
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I figure it's a good way to counter the growing rise of unmarried men! Bump a few more off, and we'll get everyone a life-partner... and a new generation of awesomeness!

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6 years 5 weeks ago
 
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