3 years ago, i was 27 and in china, it's the time when a woman 'needs' to get married. i had experienced love before though things didn't work out quit well. my family set me on a blind date with Jian. Jian was 35, handsome and had a stable career, we met a couple of times, People in my and his family and our friends all thought we make a great match in every aspects. So as expected, after 6 months we got married. everyone's happy.

 Perfectly this may seemed, I wasn't crazy about Jian and life after marriage didn't change much. he was a quiet person and he seldom smile. he never said he loved me. we ate quietly together, we had ok sex, but something seemed missing. sometimes he stayed in bed the whole evening playing with his phone and messaging someone. i didn't know who he was messaging, but those were the few times i saw him smiling so happily like a child. his phone was always locked, and i never asked him who he was talking to. we never quarreled, we never had fight. life seemed overly peaceful. i never doubted about him, i thought that was just the way he was, maybe when people are 35, they become mature and lose some passion about life. 

i was trying to make him feel loved. I tried to plan trips with him, but he said he didn't like to travel and he would rather save the money. i tried to cook him the food he liked, and earned a precious smile from him. i tried to talk to him, but he was always too tired or too busy to talk. i didn't blame him, i thought it was the way he was and i could not blame a guy for being himself, maybe i was too young and maybe i was a woman, i tried to understand the difference.

Then it was like this for 3 years. i forgot how time have passed, every day i told myself, this is what life should be and i thank life for whatever i've got. last month, Jian was on a business trip for 2 weeks and i've got a headache and a high temperature so i stayed in bed for a few days, i tried to contact Jian, he never answered the call or called me back. he disappeared every time he went on a business trip and i ever since learnt how to manage my own business when he was not around. after 3 days lying in bed, finally, on 14th feburary, 2015, a friend took me to see a doctor. while i was in a waiting area, my friend said, look at that young couple. a man carrying a woman in his arm run in, i could tell he was worried the moment he stepped into the hospital. he carried this woman passed me, and tears blurred my eyes, i heard them talking, he told the doctor he was so worried about her, the doctor said it was a cold and nothing to worry about in another room. that young man, was Jian, left me and my friend in shock.

For that very moment, i realized i never really knew Jian. He wasn't quiet or emotionless in nature. he was not too mature to show his emotions or to love. maybe, he married me for the same reason that i married him. yes, i saw him, holding hands with another woman went out the hospital happily on a valentines' day. strangely, i felt numb instead of felt hurt.  i hide my face in my friend's arm to avoid unnecessary embarrassment. 

we divorced peacefully and i felt released. i am not blaming on anyone. i see the world differently now. yes, love exists and passion exists. if you tried hard and you don't feel it, it's probably the wrong person you are asking for.

Well, that's my story. A story is not always a story and i am not always me...