By continuing you agree to eChinacities's Privacy Policy .
Sign up with Google Sign up with FacebookQ: Is there a word for casual dating in Chinese?
Does the concept even exist? I tried to explain this to my Chinese friends and they told me that there's no in between stage- you go from friends/ no relationship to girlfriend/ boyfriend very quickly.
Have any of you experienced this when dating Chinese people?
I don't think it exists. At least not in the mind of a Chinese woman. They seem to think you are 2 dates away from marrying them after you first meet. In my experience it goes from "hello" to super serious in 1 day. It even happens when you are not trying to date a woman but simply be friends.
Eorthisio:
Couldn't agree more, I had no intention to date this girl but only to make some local friends as I was new in the area. On our first meeting we been to eat pizza, she was getting very... close to me by then, one hour and half later we were in the same bed. Two days later she was talking to me about our marriage. I was like "ehhh, wait, you are a very kind and beautiful lady, but I don't want to get married". That didn't prevent us to have more casual dates.
flyingheart:
@ Eorthisio: Two days! Well, that's a record even by the Chinese standard. I wish you could have met me, who doesn't want to get married with a man I've been exclusively dating for two years. In my mind anyone who wants to marry you sooner than three months is fishy.
I've heard that dating multiple people at once does happen. I even read a story where someone (female Chinese) was dating other guys right up until the wedding... 'just in case' sort of thing!
However, no, I don't know any terms for it in Chinese.
I usually make it quite clear that I don't want a girlfriend, although I like some of the 'benefits' that can come from some friends of the opposite gender
Chinese women can and will go out on multiple dates, that's just to choose which guy's best suited for husband material. If she catches a foreigner, then she has landed a big fish. As far as I know it, the moment you jump into bed with her, you are caught...hook, line and sinker. So be careful with these girls, especially if they are of marrying age, i.e. between 22 and 25. If you are caught two timing her, you'll end up paying her a "breaking off" fee - which is ridiculous, I've not heard of that till I came to China. There's no casual dating in China. If she goes out with you on a date, it's a date and with marriage in mind. Once she shows you off to her parents (whether you've bedded her or not), you are considered hers. The western concept of dating doesn't apply here.
flyingheart:
Now I have a "big fish" in my net. What am I supposed to do? Sleep with him and leave him just because I grow tired of him? That's western dating, no?
louischuahm:
It depends on how you feel. You feel you want to walk down that path till the end? Then marry him. It also depends on what he wants, does he want to marry you? Yes, no? Search your heart.
the period of time( 24hrs if you are lucky) before you are married
In most cases I agree, but what about the girls that are dating a guy but constantly trying to find replacement boyfriends on wexin or muo muo? They have like 5 guys going trying to decide which one will buy them the most shit. While they have the one poor sap on the side that is her " boyfriend".
Shes obviously not serious about the guy, its her fall back incase these online guys arent super rich like they claim. Isnt that casual dating?
The chinese have one phrase that is very suitable 骑驴找马 ( qi lv zhao ma) which means, riding a donkey while searching for a horse. Really cool, really chinese way to say casual dating in that sense I guess haha. Hope that helps.
humbug:
Haha that's brilliant... I've asked Chinese friends more about this and they said basically you have a boyfriend/ girlfriend but anything before marriage is pretty much ok...
There is 'doing the splits' which means balancing two boyfriends at once whilst trying to work out which one has the best prospects. Also, I've met a fair few post-90s girls who have had a couple of 'paoyou' (fuckbuddies) in the past. I'm not sure there is quite the word you're talking about though, there never seems to be that prolonged period of courtship.