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Posts: 165

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Q: Tiger mom vs. raising the emperor?

As an American in China, I've been introduced to two styles of Chinese parenting (mostly through my classes and the media): the tiger parent style and the raise a little emperor style.  Both seem pretty opposite to me, how can seemingly opposite parenting styles come from the same place?  Are they really the two big styles of Chinese parenting?

 

11 years 38 weeks ago in  Family & Kids - China

 
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Emperor

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In the west, the "tiger" style would be known as the disciplinarian, while the "little emperor" style" is simply called the permissive parent. I think that these two get more attention because of their extreme differences.

 

The disciplinarian tries to drive, goad, and sometimes to shame their offspring into performing at optimum level in all areas of life, the maximum being that tension and resistance builds strength. While this does prepare the child for the competitiveness of life, if not balanced with proper reward and "down time," it has a tendency to foster resentment and eventually the child starts to push back and rebel.

 

The permissive parent seeks to placate the child by letting them do pretty much whatever they want to do. By giving them the first pick and the best of everything, they treat the child like a "precious jewel," fusing over the smallest accomplishment and always promoting the child as the best and the brightest, even when this may not be the case. In short, the child becomes the center of the universe at all times and in all circumstances and grows up to be a narcissistic adult.

 

There are probably as many "styles" of raising children as there are parents. I have met  Chinese children who have actually been well behaved in public and private, mainly because both the father and mother had taken an active role in the raising of the child, being home at night (not out at the mahjong parlors and the KTV's) and the children were not raised by the grandparents. Sadly though, this seems to be the exception and not the norm.

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11 years 38 weeks ago
 
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I like those animals that eat their offspring. I have heard that some old men here sometimes eat human fetus. I wonder how true or how urban legend? Well, a Chinese lady is the one who told me anyway...  enlightened

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11 years 38 weeks ago
 
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  Giadrosich said it all, though in my experience it's not such an exception to the norm for children to receive a healthy upbringing. I think that alongside the spoilt and the over-pressured they account for as much as a third of the equation. I have had sooo many students over the years and found that the balanced, healthy parenting he/she suggested was so uncommon is not uncommon at all. I find quite an encouraging proportion of my students to be just the kind of polite, well-adjusted type of child any teacher would wish for in a classroom. In fact I would rather teach here than back home where in my school I remember teachers being pinned to the wall by students brandishing chairs, beaten with training shoes and one principal attacked with his own cane.

cooter:

" In fact I would rather teach here than back home where in my school I remember teachers being pinned to the wall by students brandishing chairs, beaten with training shoes and one principal attacked with his own cane."

 

Wow, life on Mars is rough huh?

11 years 38 weeks ago
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mArtiAn:

  Well i'm not actually from Mars, that's misleading, I apologize. I'm actually from a great deal further away. I could make jokes here about being from Uranus, but you've heard them and i'm simply not that childish. I'm actually from a far more distant planet, who's name in your language would translate to sound something like 'Myrearaches'. It's a beautiful planet but quite dangerous after sunset, which is how in fact it got it's name, but that's for another time.

11 years 38 weeks ago
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derek:

Hang on for a minute mArtiAn............if that is your real name. You have my property and I know from a few sources that it has indeed ben brandished about on the Red Planet..as they say. Porky and Bugs are not be mocked. "You stole my Space Modulator!"

11 years 38 weeks ago
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I favour the Tiger parent system as a parent, and most definitely as a teacher. Obviously as a parent you have to balance the discipline with lots of displays of love, and I don't mean presents I mean telling the child, cuddling him / her etc. I have seen WAY too many children in the UK who have absolutely zero discipline and damn all respect either for their country, the law OR other adults. The 'world owes me a living', feral family brigade (in the UK) make me want to puke, I despise them, and they are a major minority reason why we came to China. Having said that, of course there are excellent kids it is just that it is the bad ones you see the most of, both in real life on the streets and in the press.

 

As to Chinese kids, yes the 'little emperor' syndrome is well documented and allegedly a fall out of the single child policy. I do see quite a few of these in my classes but to be honest, with most of them, this has turned into pressure from their parents to succeed, but then as I teach in a private school it is likely I would see more of this type than may be indicative of the main population. Outside teaching I see more of the spoilt brats, than I care to (children of my wife's friends) and it irritates me no end. However, as the one child policy started in 1979, some of these 'little emperors' are now over 30 years old, it's the little emperors who are now bosses that REALLY  get my goat!

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11 years 38 weeks ago
 
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