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Q: Western people don't say "Hi" to each other on the streets in China?
I am curious what's the reason why you guys don't say "Hi" to each other on the streets in China?
especially when you see someone who is nice , he or she's from your country? and you guys probably can be friends. I have asked my husband this question as well,his answer is,I don't think they wanna talk to me,cause he found most western people in China are pretty cold,actually,It happend to me once,an old western woman carried a heavy bag in my city here and I helped her bag from the bus and she didn't say "Thanks" to me. It's unusual.maybe she forgot or she's just being cold to me? who knows.
husband says it's not the same in his country and I agree.people will just say hello to each other.To be honest,I'd like him to make more friends,especially some western friends who's working in China.
i think it/s because,it's not really special,too see a person from a different country in our countries,so we act just the same way,as back home ,brown,yellow ,white,mixed,all the same,just not your friend so we do not make a big thing out of it
the same reason we dont go around pointing and calling people foreigner,i dont really care where a person is from, thats really irrelevant,i dont chose friends based on their nationality.
maggiegirly:
Stan,I am sorry by calling foreigners made you unhappy,you know,I have all respect for western people.That's why I married a westerner.
I just changed the title from Foreigners to western people.
Hope it fixes.
crimochina:
maggie don't apologize. that is stan's opinion. not everyone feels the same way. you meant no offense, that is all that matters. and from reading stan's post he did not seem to take offense either.
sweety. if i see someone one the street, how do i know if he is from my country? (i always explain to my friends/ gf, not every goddamn white person is from usa) even if he / she is from usa, or my country i do not know them. i do not know if they are a good person or not. (you can't tell by looking at them) i especially do not want to meet any african americans (young guys), because they all assume i would be willing to smoke pot with them.
maggie, i do not mean this in a mean way. especially not directed at you. but please understand, i am a free thinker. i am not a slave to my culture/ tradition. when i am away from america, i do not need to find other americans and surround myself with them in order to maintain the "american way of thinking"
the bottom line is this. i see people as people , a stranger is a stranger regardless of race or nationality. if the opportunity presents itself , 2 strangers may engage in a polite conversation. but in no way would i want a stranger to intrude on my peace just to make a "foreign friend" (chinese or foreigner).
maggiegirly:
Crimo, I understand what you mean.and I know you are a free thinker.
Actually,What I really mean,suppose you sit down outside or at a store taking a rest ,and you hear someone who's from your country by their accent.they talk something you are interested,for example,they talk about NBA or football,Kobe ,James ,Kevin,Messi or KAKA and You are one of their fan.I think it's a good time to say Hello to them. what do you think?
I didn't mean that you have to say hello to every western people on the streets in China,of course NOT,should be picky for friends.
When I was in abroad,I did say hello to a few strangers,and they were Chinese people mostly ,I met them at a store during shopping and some I met them when I was sitting outside,cause they talked something I was interested ,so, I said Ni hao to them.It's great and they were happy to talk to me,finally,they gave me some useful info about which place's good for shopping especially for Chinese people ,you can find the right size there and which restaurant you could find the nice Chinese food with good price something like that,it helped me a lot.
It's the same like you talk to online people,we never met each other in person, but If you are nice and you can handle a conservation well, I am happy to talk to you If I am available.
crimochina:
i guess it's a cultural difference. listening in on someone's conversation is very rude in america. if someone is talking very loud, ok then you can butt in politely. but either way, a stranger is still a stranger just because he likes the same sports as me does not make him a good guy. i like everything i like, but i'm a despicable human being 
. in china there is nothing worse than a moron that you can communicate with.
maggiegirly:
Yes,I agree with you,It's a cultural difference.
as you know,most Chinese people just like to talk loud,it would be like a miracle for not hear people's conversation sometimes LOL.
I personally don't like to talk loud at all and I am not interested in hearing strangers conservation either, But in China,it seems you can hardly avoid it.
I see many different races a home and they are just people. If I see a western in China he is just another person, unless it is a nice looking she. There really is no difference between people on the street. I don't say hello to all the Chinese I see, even the nice looking Chinese women. They often just get mad. I do acknowledge people I recognize, maybe from a store with a hello or smile.
I'm sorry, but when you go abroad do you go saying "hello" to every Asian person you see?
I wager you do not.
maggiegirly:
No,I don't
Only if he or she seems nice and they talk something I am interested,I will probably say Ni hao or hello to them.The location should be at a store during shopping or sit down outside taking a rest,if they walk,I won't say anything.
This is a good and valid question. Some of the non-Chinese that I come across will exchange greetings; others will not. I couldn't say that there was a general patter to exchanging greetings amongst foreigners In the mid-sized city where I live.
In the US at least, we are taught from a very young age "Don't speak to strangers". For a lot of us it seems very uncomfortable and unnatural to just say "Hello" to strangers on the street.
If your husband is into running/long walks/drinking beer, see if there is a chapter of the Hash House Harriers in your area. It will be good exercise and a chance for him to find new friends. At least this is what I did when I moved to China and it was really a life saver for me. I am still very good friends with many people I met there.
Or, if he is into sports, he can go to any of the expat bars that show sporting events (such as the World Series in baseball) that is going on. It will be really easy for him to strike up conversations with strangers in a comfortable atmosphere.
It is tough to make friends anywhere (local or expats). China forced me to be a lot more outgoing than I ever was. That is actually one of the best things I learned in China.
I wish you and your husband luck.
maggiegirly:
XpatJohn,Thanks a lot for your kind advice.
well,My husband is into sports, but he's conservative compared with most western guys I saw in China. He's not an English teacher either,So, he did not get a lot of chances to make friends in China,Plus his Chinese is not good.
Xpat.John:
I understand completely. I was not an English teacher either and I was the only non-Chinese in the company I ran there so I didn't have much contact with expats either. For almost my first year in China, I had no foreign friends at all and I was very shy when it came to meeting new people.
It took me over 8 months to find an expat bar. I would go there just to hear other people speaking English. The first non-Chinese friend I made in China was through a web site just like this. Your husband may want to see if there are any expat websites for the city you live in. That way he can go to that website, participate and make some friends slowly. Then when he feels comfortable he can meet them in person.
maggiegirly:
I will forward your advice to my husband.Thanks.
Actually,we live in Guangzhou,many western people here,but you know,it's hard to meet someone who has a lot of things in common with you.But We are gonna try.
For me and I think a lot of other 'foreigners' it's simply because we grow up in a society that's very diversified. In America where I live it's not uncommon to see white people, black people, asian people, mexican people, indian people, etc etc all at the same time all day everyday.
I think because of this people don't stand out to us as much based on their race, we simply view them as another stranger. Nothing more nothing less.
Let me ask you this maggie....do you often go around stopping random Chinese strangers in hopes to make friends with them? If the answer is no then it's because of thes ame reason foreigners don't often stop other foreigners. They don't stand out to us, there us nothing 'special' about them that attracts our curiosity or desire to know more or get to know them
With that said.....when I first moved to China I would stop foreigners more often but that was simply because English was the only language I spoke and I didn't have many friends. I was simply craving to be able to talk to ANYONE at all. Now that I have friends in China I have no desire to stop some random stranger just because of the color of their skin.
Basically I think you need to remember that a lot of foreigners, at least western ones grow up in more diversified areas..... whereas Chinese people typically only grow up around other Chinese people. So for a Chinese perosn a foreigner stands out more, it perks their curiosity and interest more, for us foreigners though it doesn't
maggiegirly:
No,I don't.
like above I said, if we both sit down outside or at a store taking a rest , and he or she seems nice and talk something I am interested,I will probably say hello or Ni hao to them.If they are walking around ,I won't say anything.
I am picky for friends.
Depends where I am.
In Beijing, Shanghai or Guilin, there are so many of us that I do not even notice them. However, if we cross paths or I must pass by their table, I will say hello.
If I am in a small town, and we happen to cross paths, again, I will say hello.
To cross a street just to greet a fellow foreigner, would just be creepy.
Friendly note to our Chinese friends: Just because we are foreign or even of the same country, does not mean we will be friends. Personality and compatibility are what tends to define whom I will and willl not hang out with.
Interesting question, and I do think a lot of people have at some point thought about it in China. Even though most of "us" come from diversified countries, once you're in china it is very likely you will only see a couple dozen foreigners each day. (In second and third-tier you might go days without seeing any.) In some way there's a connection, we can safely assume that we weren't born in China, so that binds people. But apart from that? Still strangers. I would talk to someone with a football before I'd talk to someone with my skin color, if I were to talk to a stranger. Then again, I'm in Beijing, so for second- or third tier it might be different. I have had a guy come up to me randomly at a cinema to talk about being laowai, and I can't say I cared for that conversation when I was out to enjoy a movie. Just being laowai isn't really a conversation thing, especially not when you got so many people working here now. It's not that special and there are a lot of flavors. Just like in my home country I wouldn't just randomly approach people on the off chance we have something in common. If you do feel like making new friends your best bet is through your hobbies. Sports, photography, movies, reading, there are clubs and groups for anything. I'm sure there even is a Chinese birdspotting club somewhere.
Having only lived in cities where foreign faces are few and far between, I do acknowledge foreigners. Not to say I march towards them with my hand out and a Cheshire Cat smile on my face, but rather I raise my eye-brows, almost unnoticeably in fact. I do counter the subtlety of this action however by thrusting my arms down the front of my trousers, crouching into a bold squat position and dancing sideways like a space invader whilst squawking loudly. You know......... just so they know they've been noticed. I don't want to appear rude afterall.
When I see a fellow 'foreigner' (which is very rare in Nanning) I will attempt to make eye-contact, if it is returned I will nod and / or say hello. If the eye-contact is avoided, I will ignore the person. I most certainly won't start a conversation with a stranger in the street or on some off chance occasional happening.
In the 'west' there is this idea of personal space, I've always extended that from the purely physical to the psychological and starting a conversation with a stranger, just because we appear to share similar skin tones, would hugely violate my sense of personal space.
Don't you think it's, you know... kinda gay?
I mean, nothing wrong with that if you're a gay lifestyle or whatever but I don't want to be all sayin hi to dudes.
People with nothing up their ass usually say hello.
Helanren:
And then? What is your aim when you say hello? Do you greet all foreign-looking people? Or only those with your own skin-color? What about ABC's, do you say hello to them? It just seems weird, doesn't it? If I'm greeted by a total stranger at home, my first instinct is he's either dealing or lost. Now if you're lost then it's okay to approach people and ask for directions, if you're dealing then I'd say get lost. Beyond this, what is there to it? Go to Sanlitun and you can spend hours hello-ing people. What real difference is there in other places? So what is this acknowledging thing then? Like a gang-sign? Maybe we can put a finger and thumb on our forehead, shaped like L for Laowai? "Yo, brother, peace." I don't see the need for that kind of shenanigans. Acknowledge friends, acquaintances, co-workers, neighbors, the owner of your favorite small store, the guard, etc. Don't just go about greeting your own race in the street, that's weird. And a bit socially desperate, which is not gonna be solved by saying hello to people who happen to lack pigment. That is not to say you can't start conversations if it actually is about something.
snowballeffect:
What kind of stuff do you advocate sticking up your ass?
mArtiAn:
Snowball: I think the reference was being made to people with or without a stick up their arse. And Helanren, I agree, in a city with as many foreigners as Beijing has, it is a little odd to go around saying "hi" to all of them, though I might be interested if I thought they were dealing.
LAR, I'm sure I'm not the only person who would love it if you left China and eChinacities. My posts are intended for nice people, Sorry,Not YOU.
You're a racist and rude. The kind of person that lets humanity down.
What could LAR stand for?
Loud Arrogant Racist.
Ps Sorry,guys for being aggressive, this guy is so frustrating.
If you don't live in one of the bigger cities and live somewhere where the majority of Chinese people live i.e. a non-'big city' then foreigners are often few and far between. Where I live I have only ever seen 1 other 'waiguoren' out and about and if I hadnt have been right in the middle of a sparring session I would have said hello and spoke for a bit. I think if you didn't it would be a bit weird. But yes, in bigger cities where its crawling with 'waiguorens', then I definitely wouldn't.</p>
I live in a small city too ............ met an American the other day, first white guy I've seen here in a year........... talked a bit and carried on with what we were doing............. wish I had got his name/number .... oh well .. there will be another english speaking person in the neighborhood someday.
snowballeffect:
lol, might be another year, you never though, they might be on here.:)
maggiegirly:
Nice to hear that and I am glad you made it. Keep going .man
