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Q: What are the biggest challenges to raising a child in a Chinese-laowai couple?
I am wondering what those who are in a serious relationship with a Chinese (and have kids - or have discussed having kids) think the biggest challenges are to raising a child in a cross-cultural couple?
I am thinking about all these stories about tiger moms and wolf dads, and wonder what people think.
12 years 19 weeks ago in Family & Kids - China
For us its easy as we decided to raise the kids In Australia
the enviroment is better for them
I think Identity will be a chalange as they go through their pre teen years
We visit the family in China as much as posibale but not being a part of every day life could confuse them
are you Australian or Chinese?
Australia isn't a problem as nobody cares less
But China as you know can be very narrow minded.
I ask a Q the other week aimed at mixed race adults to get their thoughts but didn't get much responce.
hope this dosn't add to the confustion and look forword to see the responce you get
I have three year old twin boys here. The biggest problem here is getting them to finish their dinner. :)
Actually, the biggest issue is schooling. But since my wife and I agree on that, it is pretty simple.
If you ask my boys, the bigges problem is all the attention they get no matter where they go. The constantly have people trying to touch them, take their pictures, talk to them, etc... They have actually become quite shy because of it.
The grand-parents. Most will ALWAYS know better than you, and when you're coming from 2 quite different social environments, there's going to be some doozy arguments and fights! Quite possibly the MIL won't approve of you, and the children will get really confused about who they should respect more.. especially as it's often the grandparents who give the kids more of what they want - so the child's loyalty gets easily bought. This will all be especially true if they are more blinded by their own amazing culture and society (ie, they didn't really want you marrying their little precious, and you're not good enough for him/her!!)
Xpat.John:
I was very lucky with my wife. Her brother already has lived in the US for many years so the mother has no problems with having a laowai in the family. But she also lives with us and while I don't have any arguments with her over care issues (she always gives me my way), my wife will fight a lot with her. Kids are smart, they know who they can manipulate into giving them goodies and who their parents are that they need to respect.
Definitely schooling and deciding where to live. I agree that identity will be a big issue too. In my case, having grown up bilingual (2 European languages), it will be hard to teach the kid to learn three languages fluently all at once. Also, since I relocated to another country as a kid, I tend to adapt the culture and customs of both countries. If the kid is to add Chinese customs to that, then that'll be really confusing. I'm afraid he/she will not be able to embrace all three cultures.
Shining_brow:
Actually, Coffaholic, I will disagree with you on a couple of points. Firstly, language. Research indicates that your kids should be tri-lingual fairly easily if the 3 languages are used regularly. The only issue will be with vocabulary and 'style' - if they only hear (for example) Chinese used in domestic situations, then they'll only develop a domestic version of Chinese... so won't have any work related vocabulary. That sort of idea. But, if Chinese gets used in all manner of ways, in different topics with different people in different situations, it'd be fine.. Same with the others. Culture... that depends on whether the child is brought up to be 'themselves' or tries to fit into other people's shoes. People are people - NOT a culture or society. Your children will be a mix, so they shouldn't be trying to fit into one mould only. They may find that other kids won't accept them (sometimes) It's only other people's expectations that make us feel bad or confused... they'll be happy to just be who they are. But if your kids are strong and independant and self-assured, they'll be fine :)
