I would have to say that the people I've have been introduced to here in China, and those who have gone on to become my friends, are a pretty good bunch of folks. None have made the common assumptions that seems to cloud relationships between cultures. At least, they haven't asked a bunch of silly questions based upon "all Americans are alike," or "all westerners are the same."

They have always treated me as an individual, mainly because they are individuals. And it is this point that I try to impress upon others, in that, I am an individual, and America is not some monolithic culture, but primarily consists of 6 to 7 different cultures, with hundreds of sub-cultures contained in those structures.

Most of my "awkward" moments happen when we go out to eat with people I have never met before, but are either business acquaintances or class mates of my wife. I have been asked some really strange questions, the most recent one being, "Who would America side with in the islands dispute." I tried to explain to the guy that I am not the American government, and have no inside information into the workings of government. Like him, I am just a citizen.

Many Chinese people I've met in these situations (perhaps inadvertently) seem to want to "put me on the spot." I understand that it falls within the same category as asking other personal or sensitive questions, but I learned how to side step such questions a long time ago.

Here are some things I would like them to learn about me:

1). The rest of the world is not the same as each other, and people in those countries are not the same as others in the same country.

2). Some things are personal, and l will keep it that way.

3). You're habits are just as unusual to me as mine are to yours.

4). I don't get offended about anything, so if you do, grow up. If I tell you I don't like something about China, I'm not saying it applies to all 1.4 billion Chinese, nor does it apply "across the board."

5). If you want me to do something, let me know well in advance. I will not drop everything on the spur of the moment in order to meet you at a certain time.

6). And yes, thinking is required for our relationship to work.

I try not to generalize, but experience does have a tendency to back up some assumptions. Maybe it is just social conditioning, but when a person tells me they will be somewhere at a certain time, I expect them to be there at that time.

All in all, I try not to take things too seriously.

  I've been fortunate not to have been insulted very much by anyone in my stay here. I'm not one to stay quiet when someone insults me and will make a point of returning the favour, which may be childish but it's unlikely to change any day soon. I guess sometimes the Chinese are a little more frank than we tend to be in the west. Telling someone they are fat for example can be a matter of fact comment for many Chinese but will likely cause insult in your average westerner. One thing that does bother me is being spoken about in the third person when i'm present. This is something i've been raised to believe is very rude; and assuming the person you are talking about doesn't understand you (my Chinese is pretty good so I generally do) is not, I think, a suitable excuse to do so, though I wouldn't say i've felt such behaviour as really offensive, just a little thoughtless; i've also found it equally common of westerners to do. Similarly being treated as 'the curiosity in the room' can be a little annoying but again I have never taken insult from such attention, it just makes me feel a little self conscious. Personally I think that the main thing 'any' two cultures need to know to get along is that they are essentially the same: they all eat, shit, sleep, love, laugh, cry, bleed and die. Any differences beside are by the way.

The Chinese could answer questions when asked, pick up the bill once in awhile. One of my biggest complaints is when I want or ask for something to be done, I get '' I will ask my friend '', but not discuss with or ask me.