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Q: What do you think of the tenth month thing (做月子)?

As I know,It's pretty hard for you guys to understand the tenth month thing(做月子)as there is no such a thing in western countries,But to Chinese people,It's VERY important.

My question is,will you support your wife to do it If you guys live outside China?

Feel free to share you ideas.

Thanks.

5 years 41 weeks ago in  Culture - Guangzhou

 
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Hi Maggie,

 

做月子 is "pretty hard for us guys to understand" because it's irrational, pre-scientific nonsense based on primitive men's fear of childbirth and various other superstitions from a bygone era.

 

I wouldn't support any women doing that, whether inside or outside China. That said, I wouldn't marry someone whose understanding of the world cannot extend beyond her grandparents' "wisdom".

 

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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Wht?

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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?

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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This is why more Chinese women die in childbirth, and why so many of them require a c-section (yes, most Chinese women actually require this) so they don't die in child-birth. My wife didn't do it because I educated her before we got pregnant.

 

It's dangerous. It can cause blood clots which can eventually kill you. If they go to your lungs, you'll get yourself a pulmonary embolism.

 

In fact, a pregnancy group on QQ was up in arms about me telling them how it's dangerous. Do not participate in this stupid garbage unless you want to risk your life.

 

This is why you almost never see a pregnant woman walking around in China. They're all hidden indoors. It's colossally retarded. I'm sorry, but this is one aspect of culture that I absolutely REFUSE to accept.

 

To answer your question, no, I would NOT support my wife doing something that will hurt her and our baby. She knows not to do this now. Educate your women, guys... because most Chinese are full of superstition, and they'll drag you down with them.

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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The concept is flawed. The woman will recover slower from the confinement. Moving, exercise is important to the womans health. Out into the sunshine, means vitamin d for mother and child, wounds heal faster, the moods are better. 

 

The diet restrictions in the tenth month is all carbs, no protein, no vitamin, it is the recipe for diabetes, birth depression and problems breastfeeding. 

 

If done to the fullest where the woman is actually in bed as much as possible you are also introducing the risk of blood clots in the lower part of the legs, which will then, when she starts to move, shake loose, go to the brain and cause a stroke. 

 

http://www.savethechildren.org/site/c.8rKLIXMGIpI4E/b.8585863/k.9F31/State_of_the_Worlds_Mothers.htm

 

Look at some of the numbers, e.g. for child mortality. Chinese mothers don't care for their children while they are "doing the month" And the grandmothers are, and I am going to be soft about it, F-ING useless at anything with children. 

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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"It's pretty hard for you guys to understand the tenth month thing".

 

Well, you can understand that in China, the 10th month thing is common and perceived as very important. I saw it first hand here, and in Vietnam too. Understanding is very different from accepting it. Why not accepting it ?
* It's harmful for the mother, as well explained by the guys above (blood clot formation, and slows down recovery from the birth)

* Not doing anything for 9 months seriously reduce your muscles. Less muscles makes the birth much harder, longer and painful. You would rather *exercise* during the pregnancy, to reinforce those muscles that will work hard to give birth to your child.

 

So I can understand a harmful practice, while not accepting it. I would explain to my wife that it's not a good idea. We already spoke about it before, I bring it little by little. I started to explain at what age we start potty training, at what age kids are taught to make silent night (2 months old, baby can sleep most nights without a cry, yup). My wife read some books on the topic, and sometime it bring the conversation, I try to explain my point of view.

Also, it's not that it's an old, traditional practice, that it's good. An old tradition in South of France was to throw a goat from the top of a church to bring good luck. It was old and very important to the people. But not wise...

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1633

Shifu

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Simply put: my wife exercised as much as possible, she recovered quickly and regained her figure quickly. She had energy and didn't suffer any mood swings or bouts of exhaustion after the birth. Her friends are resentful of course because she didn't follow tradition. Two of her friends that gave birth within months of our baby arriving look tired, old and ragged and wore the pajamas every time we saw them. They scoffed at us and in time we even drifted apart if you can believe that. Petty crap.

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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General

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This is one thing that's stressing me out. I do want to have children with my fiance sometime down the line, and while she's usually forward thinking and modern sadly the Yuezi bullshit is one of the few things she still believes and I haven't managed to get through to her yet about how dangerous and stupid this is :(

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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Hmmmm. This question completely ruined my sleep. I was simply pissed when I went to bed. 

As this is also a tradition that runs in my family, I have done some research on it, and I have consulted my dad, a practitioner of Traditional Modern Medicine and a high school mate who has a PhD in some nasty shit with the organs. Both were initially baffled by the fact that this is even a question. China has a better reputation out in the world than this. Similar practices was abolished at least 4 generations ago in my home country, my great grandmother did it pre WW1 when she gave birth to my grandmother, she lived in a small village, probably with slightly worse access to information than any Chinese have today. My dad said "I thought such things only happend in African villages built of elephant shit" Their medical opinion is that it is dangerous.... and they are only talking about physical health, mental health would be a completely separate concern.

 

Yuezi is a harmful tradition. Embrace other traditions, e.g. I think Tomb Sweeping is the best of all Chinese traditions. How nice is it to go and remember the relatives who are no longer among us, maybe tell our kids about their grandfather etc. Yuezi... serves no purpose other than to allow mothers to control daughters and to generally prevent women from ever becoming equal to men (or as equal as nature will allow) 

 

I'll bet, Yuezi is a time where the father of the newborn has the time of his life with KTV hostesses, because at home there is just depression, ugly hair and annoying mother in laws. 

 

Yuezi is a sign that the Chinese leaders don't care about the people. If they did, they would educate the people that modern ways are better, that seatbelts save lifes and that pissing on the street spreads disease. 

 

Yuezi is the foundation of flawed China. 

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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@ Scandinavian 

Traditions are all very well, and some can be fun/meaningful: I enjoy watching the Dragon Boat races during Dragon Boat Festival.

 

But when it comes to health, and preventable problems, tradition should be questioned in the light of modern information. I have seen a healthy girl (a former post-grad student), transformed from someone very active to someone who looks much older woman after following the 'tradition'

the one child seems to take total physical energy out of women here, whereas many friends back home who have more than one child are as energetic and active both before and after their pregnancies.

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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Yuezi is a tradition throughout South and East Asia and there are some good aspects, like the mother should take time to heal and it's great to have someone around the house helping out with cooking and tidying and an extra pair of hands for the baby. However, sitting in a room with no air con and not washing your hair for a month is pointless and depressing, not to mention the other health risks it poses. 

 

Not every pregnancy is the same. Some women will need a lot of time to heal, and some will bounce back pretty quickly. I think the worst part of the whole yuezi thing is the fact that people try to control the mother, and treat her like she's incapable of even walking around outside by herself. They should let her decide for herself what she can and can't handle, it shouldn't be anyone else's business 

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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If we don't understand their traditions - does that also explain why many Chinese can't understand (accept, etc) science???

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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My wife and I have an agreement, we are not doing things the traditional way. We had a long talk, her parents are mad cause they can't control her anymore. Some traditions are good and nice to hand down from generation to generation. We Native Americans( aboriginals of the USA) have good traditions that we hand down to our children.

The good ones are remembered and kept , the ones that do not bring good to the family or community is discarded, or we just refuse to do those.

Personally it's a choice but most here in China aren't told or taught how to think outside of tradition.

I love my mom , but she does not  tell me what to do, she will give her opinion to me and let me be the adult and make my own choices.

Let the cards fall and lay where they may. 

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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Chinese society is about control. One of the means to control the masses is to keep women as second class citizens.
Women are weak. women need to retire at an earlier age because they are weak. Women should not be leaders because they are weak.
Maggie, pay very close attention to these facts.
A person carries another human being in them for 9 months. They suffer through the sicknesses that comes along with the task. They suffer through hours of labor pushing that human out of a tiny hole. Hurts like Pucking hell. This is before modern medicine and pain killers.
Does that person seem weak to you?

Another aspect of maintaining control is dependence. This barbaric tradition makes the family dependent on the grandparents.

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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I can understand that in the past, there was probably a good idea at the base of this tradition (being at home with bub in the first few weeks sound preferable than being shoved back out into the field or factory immediately) but... just sitting around the house not showering, not moving, nothing sounds like absolute hell, and as the gentlemen and Sorrel said above, it just does not tie in with what we now know about the body's healing processes. 

 

Maggie, you live in Australia, right? You will get maternity leave if you have a kid here. That's enough! There's no need to isolate yourself from your community and friends in the name of an outdated tradition.

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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Maggie. Do you happen to have a full description of what the tenth month entails, in English. I would think many on this forum don't know all the details. 

 

Also, how are your thoughts after reading these answers ? 

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5 years 41 weeks ago
 
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The physical quality of Chinese women and Western women is different. We each most of vegetable and you guys eat beef and meat, much more than us. 

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5 years 37 weeks ago
 
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Maggie:

 

In ancient Aztecan society they pulled out the hearts of sacrificial victims so that the sun would keep rising. I assume you would not support this practice now, even though you value the sun.

 

Does your disapproval for this tradition stem from the fact that A) You don't understand it, or B) It's superstitious nonsense from a pre-scientific era, long since discredited by science and rational thought?

 

Exercise, sunlight and basic hygiene are all necessary for maintaining a healthy body. We object to 做月子 because we are modern, rational people who understand a lot more about health than our fearful, superstitious, illiterate ancestors.

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5 years 37 weeks ago
 
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I think it's representative of the fact that these people are seriously retarded.  The why of it is never considered.  Because to think is an unknown concept.  The hospitals and medical professionals are happy for the status quo to continue because they are just as stupid as the populace.

This Is China.....welcome to THE DARK AGES!

And good luck with that.

But it's more than just stupid...it's dangerously unhealthy.  And really stupid, too.

My god...however did they put a man on the moon?

 

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5 years 37 weeks ago
 
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Isn't this really done to give the father a chance to get out of Dodge?

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5 years 37 weeks ago
 
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