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Q: What does your bf/gf/husband/wife/partner do to help you in this country?

I am in need of some comforting at the moment.  I will try and be short and straight to the point.

 

I have often felt obliged to agree to things for my girlfriend even though it makes me unhappy or uncomfortable.

 

What's more, whilst she has improved in some ways, she says she cannot help me in the ways that I really need helping.

 

Helping me obtain private students, a decent job.  The list goes on, but for me, these are the two biggies.  I don't want her money that she earns.  I don't want too much else, but, as I have stayed for her, and struggled in the process with work here etc,  

 

In comparison, although my friend's wife has made a serious mistake which is likely to result in the end of their marriage, she cannot be faulted when it comes to helping etc.  Alright, sometimes, she might find out an illegal job, but at least she's trying.

 

What's more, it is now the National Holiday.  Due to the fact that it was two months ago that I was last paid by my last school, and due to forking out a fortune on expenses, despite saving money hard, I am short on money.  The reason this is relevant is because I have struggled to have the money to take her to the UK as I said I would.  Then, the other day, she said her client wants her to go with her, albeit for a leisure trip, according to her.  I felt pressurised into agreeing for her to go.  I have quietly resented this for a week or so, until it came to a head last night when I couldn't sleep because I was thinking how much I want to go home, yet she decided to go without me, and leave me here when she had said a while ago that she didn't have the money.  When we discussed going to the UK some time ago, she said she didn't have money.  Today, she said she was paid commission from her job on SUnday.

 

I feel she has used me and lied to me throughout, but rather than rush to rash thoughts as a result of being lonely, I would like to know about what you are doing together, or whether you have been left alone during this boring holiday.

 

 

6 years 25 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
Answers (11)
Comments (9)
Posts: 4400

Emperor

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  She does anything that's needed, and vice versa, just don't ask her to do housework. They say a woman's work is never done. Not in this bleedin' house it's not, lazy cow.

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6 years 25 weeks ago
 
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When in Australia I cant get by without her  she cares for me and the Kids and is my best friend . However in China I am better off on my own, She will not help me with anything that is not to her advantage or that she does not want to do .And that is why I will not go back to China  

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6 years 25 weeks ago
 
Posts: 4432

Emperor

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Good Blow Jobs are always comforting.

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6 years 25 weeks ago
 
Posts: 205

Governor

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I think its hard for your significant other to help you as much as you need when you are in China.  Even though they would like to they usually just don't have the time and energy.  At least that's my experience. 

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6 years 25 weeks ago
 
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Sorry to add a second question now, but has anyone here in China felt used by a chinese partner for whatever reason?

 

I feel as though she's done all she can to go to the UK.  It also feels bad that she has decided to go and leave me here after saying we couldn't go in November, and she said she didn't have the money to go, but miraculously hs now.

 

I want to call the immigration at Heathrow to tell them what's happened, not just today, but over time.  Unfortunately, I haven't the means to other than Skype, and it's sht and not working now.

 

I was stung before by my ex-wife.  She overstayed her UK visa.  I hate to let this one get away with what she's doing.  She does not seem genuine.  She just has an agenda, and it's people like her who make it so difficult for the genuine lovers/partners out there.

What do you believe I should do?  I am sure, if I told them the history, they would stop her entering, or at least interrogate her motives first.

 

So?

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6 years 25 weeks ago
 
Posts: 4986

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I'll leave you with this formula for a successful relationship with a Chinese spouse:

(remember, relationships are a two-way street)

1) Is she willing to make any kind of sacrifices for you? Stay. Otherwise, leave.

2) Is she willing to do what she can to make you happy? Stay. Otherwise, leave.

3) Does she talk about having kids with you? Does she want to? Stay. Otherwise, leave.

(very, very, very, very few Chinese girls don't want families. If they say they don't want kids, it's most likely that they don't want kids with YOU. Side note: if you don't want kids, stay away from Chinese girls)
4) If they say they'll give you one kid, then they think that's just their duty and it isn't love. Seriously, think about it... "I'll give you one child" sounds like a fucking trade. Where is the love in that? My wife wants as many kids as God gives us, as long as we have enough money to support them.

5) Can she/will she talk with your family? You can use webcams for that too. If she isn't willing to talk with your family, or even look at them on the webcam, she isn't serious, and she's hiding something.

6) Does she worship money? Does she want everything in sight? Leave. Otherwise stay.

 

7) Will she listen to her parents, no matter how horribly wrong they are? Leave. Otherwise stay.

 

I had a huge reply typed out... decided to write a program instead. http://pastebin.com/WpH8qAvM

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6 years 25 weeks ago
 
Posts: 4986

Emperor

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Bro, turn her in. Document everything.

 

And then, when you've finished that, forget about her.

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6 years 25 weeks ago
 
Posts: 961

Shifu

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My partner does so much for me. When in Australia I am the  provider,I work and I do all the banking, bills etc. She cooks and relaxes at home. When in China she organises almost everything, pays all the bills from her income there, translates, tour guides, cooks, we stay in her apartment etc. Her friends, family etc also look  after me in so many ways. I am quite overwhelmed at times. Of course at times I have to take a back seat when I know better. I have learnt not to argue with traditional (illogical, irrational as they may be) and just go with the flow(or go for a walk to cool off). It is a great arrangement.  

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6 years 25 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1198

Governor

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if you ask me directly i cant even say what she does for me... well love me and so?

I m very independent and i do all the work... working and housework.

yet so i know she is not abusing me to get out here or whatever, her parents also very nice to me and she doesnt care if we live here or in germany.

 

somewhat i would like to have a little more support but well we argued so many times about washing the fucking dishes that i gave in because i slept some nights on the couch just because i didnt want to wash the dishes after 10h work while she has no job and watching soaps all day

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6 years 25 weeks ago
 
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Feel for you mate. Wouldn't wish this type of relationship on anyone; it can really mess with a guys head. I can understand that you're probably quite involved with her and are looking at whether its a salvageable or not but in all honesty I really think you just have to get the hell out of dodge. There are plenty of better girls out there. Sadly, her actions (which come across as ridiculously inconsiderate) show her true colours and makes your decision a very easy one. Don't worry pal, the right ones out there for you, but she isn't it. Keep us informed and let me know how it plays out.

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6 years 25 weeks ago
 
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I'm sorry, I can't relate with you.  You are the blame for the situation you are in. It took many little steps to get to this point.  Every step along the way, there are signs as to what type of person she is.  You either ignored the signs or chose to continue anyway.  Now you are feeling the results.  I don't know how old you are, maybe you are just inexperienced.  If so, I hope you learn from your decisions.  

I had several girlfriends before selecting my wife.  If a girl did not meet my criteria, I didn't seriously consider her.  My wife will do anything for me.  Whatever I need, she will try to help.  When we first met and traveled together, she was my translator, my money saver, my cook, and my cleaner (not very good cleaner at first, but she is a quick learner).  I also took very good care of her.

Back to you.  If you had nagging doubts in your mind, you should have listened to them.  But you wimped out because you were afraid of an argument?  Deep down inside, you had to know what kind of girl you were dealing with.  But you ignored it.  Sometimes love makes us do irrational things, I guess.

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6 years 25 weeks ago
 
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