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Posts: 85

Governor

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Q: What should I do to help my wife prepare for life outside China?

For those who have made the move back to their home with their spouse...

 

I'm from the US, but I'd love to hear some stories and perhaps avoid some of the problems/difficulties others have faced.

 

I have 5-year period to get everything in its "right place". I will be with her in China for about 5 more years (doing the immigration paperwork in the 4th/5th year).

 

Any stories, tips, thoughts... 

 

Her background:

-beginner/early-intermediate English (getting better every day)

-undergrad degree from Xuzhou

-grew up in 3rd tier city

-mid 20s

 

 

 

11 years 2 weeks ago in  General  - China

 
Answers (11)
Comments (7)
Posts: 703

Shifu

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In addition to improving her English, you can try to inspire her to get in the habit of using websites that are in English for news, entertainment, etc. She will learn more about other issues/places/people associated with America for improved future conversations and knowledge.

Five years is a long time, maybe a trip to America or Australia in that time would be nice too if possible.

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11 years 2 weeks ago
 
Posts: 5732

Emperor

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as bad as the hurts me to say it, get her drivers license in china , in the us the paperwork between immigration and state government makes this a pain in the ass. her first license has maiden name for initial green card , then you have to it again after interview and new card, most states will give written test only with a foreign license, road test have to scheduled in many states.

she want learn to drive in china but at least the document will be easier to get for id, everyone has to show id in america everywhere. the green card gets lost , all hell breaks loose to get another one , better to show a license and keep green card in safe place.

crimochina:

to avoid the mess it is best to have her keep her family name

11 years 2 weeks ago
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11 years 2 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3318

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Id' start the paperwork now. The earlier the better. 

 

She also needs to start considering her career and start looking into it an making contacts in the US now. 

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11 years 2 weeks ago
 
Posts: 5539

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teach her english

online job training courses

teach her not to cut in line

teach her not to blindly run after a bus as if it was a life or death situation

teach her not to stand close to people

teaCH her not to bump into people

teach her not to stair(stare i need coffee) and point

 

 

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11 years 2 weeks ago
 
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my wifes english was pretty good when we met. However watching tv was a great help to get the processeing speed up.As for a carreer path the Australian goverment had many collage programs that were free to help people in her position

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11 years 2 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2494

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Have a talk with her and let her know what she can expect to experience there before she gets to your place in the states. That also let her know to not freak out when she see's all of the discounts on clothing that you can get in the stores. She may want to stay there forever and shop until your bank acct. runs to 0 or below. 

 

Just have a talk with her and prepare her yourself. It comes first hand from a trusted source you!

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11 years 2 weeks ago

There are cookies, bookies and too many rookies for me to sit here trying to be a hooky! Looky Looky don't call me a wooky. Touchy Touchy Feely Feely Spicy Spicy Nicey Nicey & that's what the doctor Ordered!!

 
Posts: 1876

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Explain to her the cost of living in the area where you'll be settling down. The fact that you cannot go out for dinner thrice daily and the limited availability of "delicious" foods will be something she's not used to.

 

Taxes, prices and cultural norms are also topics to be covered. You'll have to decide on what's fair concerning long-distance phone calls and visits home.

 

Expectations, constraints, choices and problem-resolution will have to be discussed.

 

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11 years 2 weeks ago
 
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As you probably know where you will settle down in the US you also know what friends and family will be near. Educate those who will be your immediate network that you will be bringing her and that they should just treat her completely normal as part of the family/group. 

As others say, help her learn English. Once in the US, maybe find some classes, if she is interested, as a way of helping her build a network of her own (meet people and such)

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11 years 2 weeks ago
 
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Laptop computer for your in-laws with a webcam, plus an internet connection. Though in my case, they'll use those items to curse you constantly... make sure you have a good relationship with your in-laws. I know most old Chinese are incredibly stupid and ignorant, but take my advice... don't fight back. Their stupidity gets even worse when you do that.

 

If there's something she won't like, start talking about it, in passing, now and then. It's best to plant some seeds so it wont be a total surprise to her. My wife is a little reluctant to go to America, but she knows this is no place to raise a child.

 

If she's a hardcore nationalist who is ignorant of the bad things in China, start showing her bits and pieces of info that can be gleaned from the unrestricted internet. If she shows immediate opposition, just brush it off and change the subject. Bring it up now and then, until the scales fall from her eyes. She'll begin to realize the truth after a while...

 

Bring up issues like pollution, food scandals, etc, and how they're virtually nonexistent in the west, unless they come from China (tainted toothpaste, dog food, candy, etc). After a while -- when her eyes are opened, and she sees this place for what it really is -- living in the west will sound much better.

maggiegirly:

lol yeah,that's what I will do when I leave China for Australia,leave my pink mini laptop for my parents ,so they can do cam with me whenever I miss them.

 

11 years 2 weeks ago
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mikael84:

I don't think trying to show her how terrible China is is a good idea.

Let that come naturally after moving.

 

My wife always got angry and defensive when I brought up such topics, but after being in other countries for a while she soon realized some flaws of her beloved home country.

11 years 2 weeks ago
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Hulk:

That's why you break it non-chalantly. Show her news, etc... and be like "wow... this is horrible," even though you expect it. Introduce it gradually.

11 years 2 weeks ago
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11 years 2 weeks ago
 
Posts: 614

Shifu

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I agree with everyone said above.Communication is very important ,so,at least ,she should be able to communicate with people in English there as you can not be around her all the time.let her more about your culture,religion and others.I am sure everything  will be fine eventually.

Myself,a Chinese woman who married a western guy too,we are working on the  Immigration right now. I don't have any language problems and I am pretty open minded ,but still,I got a lot of stuff to learn especially after I paid a visit to Australia( husband's country), it's just so different compared with China. I have been working on It, what's more,I enjoy learning new stuff all the time. I joined this website in September last year and I have learned a lot of things from people here which's great,Now I have a better understanding of western culture and people.

I appreciate everyone here especially the ones who helped me,you guys are just awesome.

woody:

Your English is very good. Sure a few mistakes but the way you write is very natural. Less formal may be a better way to describe it. Where in Australia are you going to be living? My partner is an Aussie PR and she has settled in very well. She has been here a long time though.

11 years 2 weeks ago
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maggiegirly:

Thanks for your compliments,Yeah,I make mistakes sometimes,just can not help it. sometimes I make mistakes in mandarin too even I am a Chinese hehehe

It has become a habit which is hard to change,I am trying to Improve ,anyways.give me some time lol

I will move to Sydney BTW.

11 years 2 weeks ago
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11 years 2 weeks ago
 
Posts: 544

Shifu

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May I ask whereabouts you'll plan to be moving? I imagine living in the suburbs of California would be different from rural Utah. 

FruitIsGood:

As it is 5 years off, I'm still a little fuzzy. The tentative goal would be a city where I can get a job related to w/e skills I can build between now and then. 

 

My own plan will be to either get better at front-end web developing or get the ever so costly MBA. Either way, hopefully making me competitive for wages that can cover the costs of a family in a city.

 

California or Wisconsin have family... Wisconsin would pretty much just be Madison or Milwaukee. California obviously has more options. Other large cities in the midwest would also be okay if I can land a worthwhile enough job.

11 years 1 week ago
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11 years 2 weeks ago
 
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