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Q: What would you do if your bf looked at girls' pics online in your presence?
I know Chinese men usually do it behind their gfs/wives. But what would you do or how would you feel if your bf or husband looked at girls' pics on dating sites in your presence? If you're male, you can switch roles and talk about how you'd feel if your gf/wife browsed dating sites in your presence.
9 years 42 weeks ago in Relationships - China
just saying, if every post you make is about how your boyfriend is crap it also negatively reflects on you. Perhaps you should find a boyfriend that isnt looking to replace you and who doesnt have an STD??
mike695ca:
But to answer your question, If my woman was searching for guys on a dating site right in front of me, i would tell her to buy the VIP package because shes going to really need it starting right now.
flyingheart:
I sort of like your way of trying to talking sense into people. A little hostile but that makes you sexy.
mike695ca:
wow, ive been called alot of names on this forum. Sexy is a first hahaha cheers
if your bf is looking at dating web-sites in front of you, that does not say much about the level of respect he has for you.
Dismissing it as a 'joke' is not acceptable.
Tell him how you feel - communication is the key to successful relationships.
Be assertive.
Use language such as: "When you ..........., I feel..........."
Don't use language such as "You are..........."
iWolf:
I think she should use language like "you are..." as in "you are going to get the f@#k out of my life immediately and permanently". Time for some self respect to kick in.
xinyuren:
Telling him how she feels will not change his thinking. It will only cause him to be more careful when viewing the website. The tone of the relationship is already established. She can decide if she is willing to live with it, or leave.
sorrel:
agreed,
it depends on the level of communication up to this point.
if the OP has been a door-mat up to this point, then being assertive is not going to help or change anything.
being assertive is different from being a whiny b***h: the difference between being emotional, which benefits no-one, and expressing a feeling
If he does not acknowledge her feelings about what he is doing, then sure, he doesn't care/respect her
if this is an example of his behaviour after 2 years, he is not going to change now.
Your bf is looking at dating websites? In front of you??? 
Didn't you say you completely trust him? Where did this trust come from? The purpose of dating websites is to find a partner, you are aware of this aren't you?? If he is even toying with this idea, your relationship is not serious in his eyes. Wow, I hope you aren't totally in love with him. If I were you, I'd be making an exit plan....unless you're into that sort of thing.
something tells me this guy isn't the sweet peach you think he is. Or maybe you already suspect this, which is why you post your questions here.
flyingheart:
Thanks for your concern, Xinyuren. I trust him in some ways but not all. I can't even say I'm trustworthy in all respects...how can I demand that of other people?
I'm glad he did that in front of me...not behind me. I'll be happy and wish him happy if he finds another girl who better deserves him and whom he loves more. That's what true love is supposed to be, isn't it? 
On a less noble note, I won't settle for "secondary love". I know what I want, and I'll just leave if I can't get it.
xinyuren:
I trust my wife in everything that is important. This trust has been tested and is based on experiences that we have shared. She would never have any reason to look at a dating website.
forget it, if he's looking for girls on sites, what does that tell you serously?
Say this, on your most neutral tone, with your most neutral face:
"I see you are browsing profiles on a dating site... Are you looking for a replacement for me ? Am I a temporary fix ? What I am missing here ?"
Then wait for an answer 
It's as simple as that, apart from having the courage to
1) bring the issue without beating around the bushes
2) not being the slave of your emotions. It's fine to have emotion, it is not fine to be dominated by them.
flyingheart:
Very good suggestions, Dr. Monkey, but I doubt I'll get something useful by asking him those questions.
DrMonkey:
If by "useful" means "magically fix things like you wish they were", no, it won't work ^^ But at least, you give a wake-up call and you get to know what you are dealing with. Even no answer is revealing : "lalalala I don't care about you, go get me a sandwich while I'm fapping at those girls too poor to buy clothes"
In Qingdao, every girl I meet is of strict opinion that whatever is the case an engaged male or female should not/ must not be in any relation with another person except his BF or GF
I think you shouldn't get angry at him, men are men and they have basic needs like eating, sleeping or looking with desire at hot women.
My partner is a model, she has many photos of herself in bikini and lingerie on Weibo (and probably elsewhere), she has 225142 followers right now, most of them are men and we all know what they are doing on her photos. She has a dedicated thread on CK101 a famous Chinese website full of pervs.
But honestly, I couldn't care less because I am the one sharing her bed.
xinyuren:
umm, your situation isn't even remotely the same as the OP. Were you just wanting an excuse to brag about your gf?
Inform him you've decided not to continue and if he asks why, tell him the truth. All of it.
Be strong.
For a guy to openly look at pictures of other women on a dating website in front of their spouse should definitely ring alarm bells.
Ho, by the way, your story makes me think of the Internet Husband meme
flyingheart:
Yeah, that picture says much about him, and he's not alone.
TIC, you may gouge out his eyes for such a loss of face.
I don't see the problem. Me and the wife have a look at the adverts together sometimes.
She keeps posting pictures of that Beckham guy on her wechat after all 
.
As you get older the insecurity will pass: on both sides. Then you will be able to have a relationship with the other person on equal terms rather than have hormones dictate your actions and reactions.
xinyuren:
So you and your wife are registered on dating websites? I find that strange to say the least.
ScotsAlan:
Not registered. Sometimes we look at the sample images and we discuss.
It's not unusual for people to ask my wife's family if I have a western friend for their daughter. I have even had photos of girls thrust into my hands.
My MIL is seen as the family matchmaker. It's natural that her daughter is involved.
So... if my thumb brushes a well placed "ChineseBrides.com" advert on the tablet, it's only natural I point out the amazingly young looking 50 year old non smoking social drinker to my wife.
My wife has had friends ask for her opinion about boyfriends they met on the web.
"Is he an ex Navy Seal?" I ask.
"Of course" she says.
"Trained to kill ?" says I.
"Goes without saying" says she.
"Ah... your friend has met another genuine good guy...."
Well, I don't think it is a huge deal... so I would just gently smash his face in with a tire iron.
On another note, I was talking with my Chinese friends and confirmed kind of what I already knew... they all have... xiao sans (mistresses) or pao you (screw buddies) and their wives just accept it.
Well, they don't really openly accept it but as long as everyone else plays the game of (I don't know) they go with it too to save face. I guess it is their version of an "open relationship". Will Smith and his wife actually have an "open marriage"...
So I don't know... men are men... its in our genes to want to be with many women but we usually only love one or two. What can you do?
You should be happy to see him doing in front of you = nothing at all so he worries not to scare you. If he does that behind you, it would be pretty scary.
Maybe he was just trying to make you jelous to get your attention.I did that to my ex for getting him jelous.Haha...He was so pissed off and took my smart phone and joked that he would break my phone.
I still remember the jelous and angry looking on his cute face.Oh my dear boy
Redguard:
Maybe that is why you can't keep a boyfriend. It sounds like you have little respect for him. Calling a grown man a boy probably didn't help either. Unless you are a pervert who dates children.
Victoria1987:
You weird.In western,even a old guy can be called a boy(old boy).Nothing related to insulting.Do not judge me before u know why we break up.It only makes u sounds stupid.That is one of the reasons i have no bf now,many are just stupid.That is not atteactive in my eyes
flyingheart:
Nah, Vic, now I think he just got bored and wanted to relive the moment when he "found" me. (Right my dear boy?) 
And I agree with you that there are just too many "silly boys" for us to become "high, big, and superior". Haha.
it is a disrespectful act done by that guy. i believe confronting the issue would be best before u over think about it
