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Sign up with Google Sign up with FacebookQ: What is your current level of empathy?
0 to 100% and how many years in China?
Approaching my 11th year here, as the result of a pure matter of survival, I think I'm currently at my lowest ever.....
9th year here, zero empathy, I have become the biggest jerk pokerfaced motherf*cka with every strangers out here.
You know, I'm just trying to fit in, to be more Chinese. The kind hearts will always be taken advantage of in this society, don't be it.
Two faces, one for strangers and one for the relatives, I have a kind heart for the later.
Nessquick:
I have to learn that, ninth year will be done next month..
1 month, very high.
Why is it so low?
yongge:
Don't worry, it will come down fast and then you will just create your own vacuum around you outside of which nothing concerns you. Hell, I even lost my empathy for the dogs after being kept awake by constant barking for weeks on end.
After a few months of China, it dropped suddenlyout of necessity. But it stayed on medium-low after that. I didn't let the people change me too much, but there was concession after concession, chipping away at my humanity.
If I had the education, outlook and prospects of a Chinese person, I'd probably behave a lot worse than them. My wife and kids were my stabilizer.
I still get struck by the odd "Hey, these people deserve better" but mostly it is "why don't you stand up for yourself."
9th year here, zero empathy, I have become the biggest jerk pokerfaced motherf*cka with every strangers out here.
You know, I'm just trying to fit in, to be more Chinese. The kind hearts will always be taken advantage of in this society, don't be it.
Two faces, one for strangers and one for the relatives, I have a kind heart for the later.
Nessquick:
I have to learn that, ninth year will be done next month..
Living in China is a sensory overload. There are so many objectionable things going on around you at any given time (blatant littering, dangerous driving, rude conversations, obnoxious staring, corrupt deals going on, morons who can't do their jobs, environmental degradation) that if you care too much you will lose all hope for humanity and jump off a bridge. It's impossible to have too much empathy. China breeds apathy. Just leave me the fuck alone, let me do my job and don't touch me. I'm leaving China in a few months anyway (yea, that's right).
I used to be a very kind and caring person, from a kind and caring family. I would always try to be optimistic, to see the best in people - it used to baffle me how selfish some people could be. I was an exploitable sucker, basically.
After about 7 years there, I simply could not bring myself to give a single crap about others unless they were family or very close friends.
All of my empathy was drained over the years. Helping others was out of the question if I couldn't benefit from it. Hurting other people's feelings was a breeze. Nothing mattered but my own well-being.
Now, a few years after moving back to my own country, I'm slowly "recovering". I'll probably never be the caring person I once was, but that's probably for the best. I've found a good middle ground, which I guess is the fabled "self-respect".
How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.
I hate thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling china light
For the nongs of spitting and yelling face.
I hate thee to the level of every day’s
most Chinese dirty ways, to litter, degrade and pollute.
I hate thee freely, as men strive for a fight.
I hate thee purely, as they veer and stop while walk the walkways narrow, block the exit squarely.
I hate thee with the passion put to use
from my lost days here, and with my laowai taste.
I hate thee with a hate I did not choose
Brought solely by nongmin sin. I hate thee for thou breath,
teeth, bare bellies, all your life; and, if The Devil choose,
I shall but hate thee better after your death.
{or something like that. thx Liz}
After over 10 years here I have a lot less empathy for the population in general, I think Chinese are their own worst enemy sometimes and it's hard to feel sorry for people who create their own problems.
I still feel for the individuals who you see enduring a pretty grim lifestyle, but like others here said, you sort of become numb to it all.
The other big factor in me giving less of a shit is knowing that the average guy stuck in a demeaning job where he's lucky if he actually gets paid on time every month, and he's forced to kowtow to his bosses and suck up all sorts of abuse because he doesn't have the connections to land a better job - he probably complains about how unfair life here is and he'd be right - the same guy would likely treat his employees exactly the same way if he was put in a position of power tomorrow.
I just had a test in empathy. Went to the local Walmart and saw a young child crying his heart out, probably lost. My first thought - f...it, but you have a loud voice. Just left him and moved on. In a different place and time I would have comforted him and searched for his parents.
Assuming before coming to china is 100%, after 5 years here I have to consciously make an effort to stay at 30%. If I saw a child crying my instinct is of course to walk away, but I would recall all the horror stories on TV and tell myself there could be real danger for the child...
Only by making deliberate effort can I kept some remnant of myself