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Q: What's the strangest event you've been asked to participate/judge over in China?
It's so strange... sometimes all it takes is knowing a Chinese person for a day and they'll feel free to ask you the craziest things. I met a girl, through one of my past jobs, a while ago. A year later, I receive a call from her asking me to participate in a Christian Bible reading event o.O
She never once asked me if I was religious or not. In fact, we'd spoken maybe once or twice. Wtf...
Yeh, foreigners get asked to do a lot of strange stuff; i've been here 7 years and already been on one advert because of an impromptu street occurrence, another news story on tv and in the paper, hosted large functions and judged a number of different competitions, and that's just the stuff I accepted. I got offered to go on a game show a month ago but turned it down. Christmas before last my school had me dressed as Santa handing out goodies and treats (mostly cakes and stuff) to the crowd. I don't recommend that, I got mobbed. Santa had to fight his way through the crowd, swinging his bag and kicking everyone out of the way. Once I reached the podium I continued chucking them the goodies. I remember seeing one guy who was clearly mentally retarded in some way. I felt for the guy so I wanted to get something to him. I met his eyes, held up my hand and motioned in his direction, his face brightened in anticipation, and then I hit him straight between the eyes with a coconut muffin.
not necessarily me as an individual, but the children's school I taught at had alot of rich parents, hence alot of trophy wives. For Mother's Day they had a "Hot Moms contest".
I was once chosen to judge a Vogon poetry contest. That was painful to say the least. This was the wining entry:
See, see the eChinaCities sky
Marvel at its big worn pink depths.
Tell me, mArtiAn do you
Wonder why the kitten ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel groggy.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your laowai facial growth
That looks like
A chicken foot.
What's more, it knows
Your feegle snocker potting shed
Smells of phlegm.
Everything under the big eChinaCities sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm stinky tofus.
I must have done well because the Earth was not blown up so make way for an intergalactic off ramp.
mArtiAn:
Awesome reference?
mArtiAn thinks, your failed attempt at poetry stinks:)
An E E Cummings in your pants,
Mold fodder for the bugs and ants.
I wonder ye perhaps at heart,
Covet my fair and nobler art,
'Tis poetry sir, the wordsmith's muse,
Used deftly as a dancers shoes.
Be bitter not, it suits ye ill,
Take up your pen, or dip your quill,
And try again, (though you be trying),
At least leave not the words laid dying,
'Pon the ground of useless scorn,
But raise them up as so shall I,
And if my words offend thee friend,
Then blow me.
Xpat.John:
SIR! I will have you know that the Vogon poetry above was a product of your BBC! If it were one of my poems, it would surely involve the word Nantucket.
mArtiAn:
Yeh, well it was still bloody awful, i'd have gone with Nantucket.
