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Q: What's the stupidest/most ignorant question or statement you've heard from a local? From an expat?
In honor of all of the stupid questions that have been posted recently in the Q and A section, what is the stupidest thing you've heard a local say in China? Now, to be fair I should also ask the same about foreigners.
Locals: This is a toss up. There was the cleaning lady at my former employer who asked me, "How much is rent per month in foreign country?" and kept prying for a number when I tried to explain that it REALLY depends. Then there was the taxi driver who thought that America has its own language called "mei yu" and was surprised to hear that Americans speak English.
For foreigners: a couple of esl teachers who thought they hit the financial jackpot working for a decent language mill. One of them (non-sarcastically) referred to himself as "rich" for making 8,000 rmb a month with a free apartment. Another (who made 6,000/month with a free apartment) referred to the first one as "making more money than God." Trust me, they weren't being sarcastic. Yea, I'm pretty sure God makes at least 10,000 rmb per month....
So what are some of the stupidest and most ignorant things you've heard from locals and expats?
I once had someone ask me, most bizarrely and completely out of the blue, "What is time?" to which I paused and answered, "In the metaphysical reality, there is no time, it is but an invention of man with which to measure space, but within the greater reality of our multi-dimensional universe it is really a most marvelous illusion." Although come to think of it he may have just been saying, "What's the time?" Hmmm.....actually feel kind of silly now.
From a local, it's always "you can use chopsticks?"
From foreigners, I've met some German people fresh out of uni and working in China. They bragged how they make 5000 per month.
On the Chinese side, just start a conversation with anyone and you're on tap.
On the foreigners side, anyone who abides by the local shitty habits, calling them traditions and think they know better than I do because I have enough self respect not to comply. Like drinking detergent at dinners.
I remember on a trip to Shanghai of a moron explaining me that smoking 双喜 (Shuangxi) cigarettes makes you look like a true Shanghaiese. Like it's a super confidential brand that's totally not on sale everywhere. Guy had been here for 2 weeks.
I don't think God is paid in RMB as much as in sacrificed goats and other shitty animal torture.
As for your foreign couple, where were they from. That is a huge factor.
I recently was asked by a complete stranger in McDonalds 'Why do you hate Chinese food?'
I asked him how often has he seen me here, he said it was his first time seeing me there and he goes there for lunch regularly. I laughed at him. And probably still can't figure out his stupidity, I didn't tell him because I don't usually teach for free.
Can you use chopsticks? (WHILE I AM USING THEM!)
tbh66:
And add, I have probably been using them longer than you have been alive
Kaiwen:
I do the same as rasklnik when asked if I can speak Chinese "ni hui shuo hanyu ma"? I reply that I cannot speak Chinese "wo bu hui shuo hanyu". The look on their face and utter confusion is comical!
Shining_brow:
I do the "Can you speak English?", and if they answer in English "No", then I say... "but you just did!!" That would obviously confuse them more if they understood me...
Most stupid from a Chinese "Are there many people in England that speak English as well as you do"?
From an ex-pat: "Are export agencies in China trustworthy"?
From locals I think it was "I have money, I don't need to study" (in Chinese) from a rich kid who was around 20, the man had troubles counting his change after paying for a meal, it must be hard to not understand anything about your surroundings even when you have money, a life of ignorance in a box.
From expats the same as OP, those thinking that they hit the jackpot when they earn 8000/month.
I once met an American girl who thought my country was beautiful and asked how long it took to drive there. It's a well known island nation! (I didn't have the heart to tell her that as she was teaching at a university in Shenzhen and considered herself quite worldly.)
As for locals.....everytime you say 'ni hao' to a shop keeper they compliment your mastery of Chinese language "whooooa, ni de zhongwen shi hen bang!!" or if you know a city in China "ni shi zhongguo tong!!"...the list goes on
iWolf:
Come on guys, I was talking about a Nation, not a bunch of pot heads and larger louts 
royceH:
Hahahaha....I know where you come from old mate. And bloody good luck to ya!
Plenty of times with Americans. There are so many of them that have little clue about anything outside their own backyard.
iWolf:
@royceH As you know where I'm from and I'd better quit the pretense and admit that we are a nation of pot heads and lager louts. Good on ya mate!!
VoiceG:
I don't think it is stupid that you said Chinese shop keeper said your Chinese are great ,just a compliment ,they just try to be friendly
iWolf:
Thank you for your input Mr voiceG. Everyone's opinion is valued.
I think the shop keeper saying this would be like you being at home and a chinese person says "hello" and you reply "fuck me sideways mate, your english is amazing. Come back to my house and shag my sister."
From foreigner, when he saw the no horn street sign. Asked, "parades are not allowed here"
My favorite from the locals are when they ask the REALLY redundant and obvious questions.
Ayi seeing me lock my door: " Leaving?"
Ayi seeing me come back at 6:00 : " Home from work?"
Anyone who sees me eating: " Eating huh?"
Uhhh yes yes and yes. Thank you for asking.
As for laowai, as I am the smartest person in the world so i am used to people saying dumb things but I really love the people who are brutally unaware.
Foreigner " Man, getting girls is so easy! I mean i dont even do anything they just come to me!"
Sure buddy, im sure its your charming personality and your musk thats brings them in. Forget the fact that she is brutal, fresh off the bus from Hunan, doesnt shave...anywhere and you lied about your wealth with tales of grandeur of bars your going to open as soon as someone gives you a chance and the government stops messing with you personally.
Its all you.
anyone who tricks girls in poverty out of a lay and then feels proud about it is a grade A douche.
rasklnik:
My gf only shaves her eyebrows, and I spent a long time in Eastern Europe, so um...yeah. hair isn't an issue.
VoiceG:
Totally understand ,people in china we greed each other who we already know not use "how are you ?hi "But we would ask "where are you going ? Eating lunch ?going outside ,some obvious question .we do know yeah ,you are eating ,you are shopping .it is a bit weird ,but culture ah .
Sometimes the weird statements are also met with weird behavior. Like the guy that ran right up in my face, sorta planted his foot down, as if to be domineering. "Why does America always go against China?" （为什么美国总是反对 中国？）
Ah it was hard not to laugh at that, I actually gave him a dignified response saying that international politics are complicated.
From a Foreiger: You don't understand China.
Yeah, he was one of those "token" foreigner types that show up for a year, love the fact they can get easy lays, and get a bit more attention than at home.
gouxiong:
I assume with the second example on what's the weirdest thing a foreigner told you, you want to imply that you actually do know China and therefore it's so weird when someone can even thing it's not the case, right?
Well, congratulation!
I am not questioning how well you know China as I simply do not know that.
I am just surprised that some foreigner could believe such a statement about him/her should be the weirdest thing he/she heard ...
JohnathonSteel:
The most important thing I've learned about understanding China is that I will never understand China. Seriously. It's batshit insane over here some days.
jetfire9000:
@guoxiong.
You are mistaken in your assumption as to why that statement is weird. Let me explain with a non china related example, in order to remove a bit of personalized feelings. Say you're in America , and an American comes up, asks you " What do you know about America?" If you say " freedom, burgers, don't mess with Texas, and Super Bowl hell yeah" you'll get a satisfied response. If you change your answer and say " obummer, snowden madoff" you'll get the opposite response. In other words, the question of " what do you know about xxx" is a pointless and fake question if it is about something as huge as a country. Many times that it is asked the speaker is looking for some kind of validation for their own personal feelings. The " you don't know the us". Or ”you don't know china". Or even " you don't know Holland". Is a very subjective response. What you know is very different from what I know. And I cannot possibly fit everything I know into a single response. I prefer the smart answer to such a situation : avoidance. When chinese ask me, it's easy to smile and give the answers they expect to hear. If a foreigner who has less time in china than I do asks it ( which is beyond strange) then I have no idea what I will do , but the most likely thing is I'll deflect and answer back their question with the same question. Simply because I don't see much a point I. Such a question. Countries are vastly more complicated than you can sum up in a sentence - specificity is what you need. Culture, language, food, ie - what is it you want to know if I know? In the specific example mentioned, btw, the foreigner wasn't directly addressing me. It was a group thing which I wasn't a part of. However I listed it as a funny thing I heard a foreigner say :D therefore you can understand it is not a personal situation at all.
I once had someone ask me, most bizarrely and completely out of the blue, "What is time?" to which I paused and answered, "In the metaphysical reality, there is no time, it is but an invention of man with which to measure space, but within the greater reality of our multi-dimensional universe it is really a most marvelous illusion." Although come to think of it he may have just been saying, "What's the time?" Hmmm.....actually feel kind of silly now.
From Chinese
C: Are you... smoking? (offers me a cig)
Me: No thanks, I don't smoke.
C: Really? You know, only real men smoke... 
Me: ...
Foreigner: I am the only American you are ever going to be friend's with...
Translated:
"A foreigner."
Correct. In case I needed reminding.
"You so tall."
How astute.
"Your nose very big."
You're very observant, aren't you?
"You have hair on your arms!" [strokes my armhair]
So perceptive. Have a cookie, but stop touching me.
It's like walking with a 7-year-old, who points at random objects and narrates what he sees: "Bakewy. Fire hydwant. Powicecar!"
As for expats: I'm sure there are a great many dufuses out there, but I only met a few, and avoided the ones that are strange:
"When I drink a Japanese green tea smoothy, I just get so high that I want to hug someone."
I have heard a few "ex-pats" say " I am not Chinese so I dont have to follow Chinese laws".
Yup, good luck with that.
coineineagh:
I've heard some locals say: "I am from this [municipality], so I don't need to follow the rules." And they're right. Then they'll say: "He is a waidiren, not from this place, so he is rude and untrustworthy." And they're right again.
