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Sign up with Google Sign up with FacebookQ: Who's more of a threat when dating a Chinese girl?
The other dudes who wan't to sleaze their way in by any means necessary or the Laoma and her preferred lined up dude?
With the ma giving the daughter so much pressure, how can you easily win if you're not the favourite? (Especially if you are a foreigner)
10 years 50 weeks ago in Relationships - Guangzhou
This is the easiest question ever. The mother. Or actually more to the fact, the girls inability to ever go against her mother
i do not worry about the family. if they give me trouble , i tell her goodbye. there are too many women in this world to suffer over one. for me the biggest threat are the countless ignorant nationalist nutjobs. i do not want to go to jail in this country.
In my case, it's always been the mother. Only one girl went against her mother, and I married her. I actually almost took off because of her mother, like I did with the last ones... but something kept telling me to wait for this one and be patient. Best decision ever.
EDIT: You'll never "easily" win unless the mother dies before giving your girlfriend her opinion. Period. If you really think the girl is worth it, you'll have to fight for her. My wife decided on her own to be with me, even if her parents said no. She stuck to that promise.
:
Hey Hulk, as of your edit, what would be the main reason of it? As I said in one of my posts I avoid at any price to have a girlfriend in China. So the trouble won't be for me but still i am interested to understand what's behind this fearing-your-girlfriend's mother issue.
angelina8:
It's worse for Chinese men. I'm glad your wife had the courage to stay with you, but if a Chinese man did the same his family will be devastated. I guess families think they will lose a daughter anyway.
Hulk:
Well, her mother's reasons were all entirely selfish. "I'm afraid you'll leave me! I don't want you to leave me! Please marry a Chinese man. I'll give you 20,000 RMB to marry a Chinese man right now."
See what happens when you get stuck in a loveless, arranged marriage like her mother? She married a guy who never had a job in his life, and to this day, still doesn't have a job. He just drinks all day long, but she can't leave him. The only bit of love she got was from her daughter...
Her mother then proceeded to try and do lots of match-making, and my wife, who was only my girlfriend at the time, refused them all. "Chinese men are too irresponsible, always cheating, always lying, always sleeping with hookers. I do not want my husband to have sex with someone else. Chinese men only want a boy, but I am happy to also have a daughter."
Her mother was shocked, and kept crying. She figured if she was going to lose her daughter, she better get a lot of money out of it. Well... she devised all these schemes to get me to pay money, and my wife kept telling me she hated that, and I didn't pay anything.
Hulk:
Then... let's see here...
The one before her thought I didn't have enough money to marry her daughter. As a side note, you should always pretend to be poor around Chinese women, it keeps 99% of the diggers at bay.
And before that, well... her mother was completely illiterate, and couldn't even write her own name in Chinese. I would've left her on account of the fact that she was crazy as shit, but her mother sealed the deal. "He's a human trafficker! He will sell you into slavery! You will be forced to become a prostitute! Why would an American be interested in a girl that comes from a rural town? It's slavery! Imagine if you were sold into slavery, I would not be able to show my face in this village anymore. Everyone would laugh at me!"
So... basically these mothers all want face/money. You may have noticed that I never seem to have anything good to say about the fathers. Neither do their daughters 99% of the time.
Scandinavian:
I can only back this up. Chinese mother in laws are selfish and only thinking about what they can gain from their children. If they do something without it seeming openly selfish, you can be sure it will come back later and be used as leverage.
Chinese children are not allowed to grow up, even in their 20ies they live by their parents rule. There is a short span of some years where a Chinese person gets to be treated like an adult, before it all fails again and they get old (55) and start getting treated like children again.
GuilinRaf:
The girls father can also be a problem.
My last girlfriend in Guilin was Muslim. Her dad ordered her to break up because I was not Muslim, even though he had married non Muslims twice (my GF was from the first marriage. Mother got the baby daughter, father got the son and grandmother raised my GF. But he still called the shots).
She tried to reason with him, but it was no use. She obeyed him.
Hulk:
Yep, I think that in Islamic societies here, the men obviously call the shots. Otherwise, i think the men usually don't care too much. That's been my experience thus far. However, i wouldn't be surprised if more fathers were like that in China.
SoFresh:
Maybe the best post I've seen on here.
So true man , so true. My wifes mother is the main cause of any stress I have about my relationship. It sounds cruel but I look forward to when we move to America and I no longer have to deal with her mother anymore . Nice lady and all, but the cultural difference and pessure they put on you just ain't worth it.
For me it was to overcome the objections of the mother first. However, it seemed hopeless until the grand mother took areal liking to me and then the rest of the family fell in line also. By now I am most liked by my wife's grandmother, her father and her brother; the mother is ok because she no longer can 'fight' everybody.
Still, there were some men in the neighborhood who always 'pushed my buttons' until one day I pushed back; then they were surprised and they left me alone. However, they kept on making 'bad comments' to my wife when she was walking alone - I also stopped that!
In the (Canadian) army, we had a simple rule - never pack more (weight) than you can carry. Same applies to relationships here. If you have too much competition, if you're not the #1 with all priviledges and rights that goes with the position...find someone else.
I would say Chinese woman is more of a threat when you date one~of all the problems or obstacles I've ever seen in such relationships, bottom line it all boils down to the girl's part. If she's strong enough, no one nor her family or friends can get into her mind and change what she thinks about your relationship. But if not, you need to well armed and be prepared for all kinds of ridiculous demands from her family.
SoFresh:
I feel like China treats marriage/relationships more like a business than true love. Just my take on it.