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Q: Who's spending New Year with a Chinese Family?
Spending it with my best friend's family. Who doesn't know that he's gay. Should be fun...
I am with my girlfriend's family in Hunan. It is nice to get away from the horrible pollution and food in Hebei although the one benefit of living there is being close to Beijing.
Changsha is my favourite place in China because of the food and the atmosphere. I would possibly consider living there if I could get a job which paid enough money.
My girl's family are very nice. I love spending time with them. The pollution in the north is so disgusting. I'll take being around a Chinese mother-in-law over breathing in shitty air and watching the exponentially net polluters drive by in their German luxury sedans and SUVs honking, spitting and screaming into an Iphone any day.
South China is vibrant and intriguing. Just go where the aspirational tossers ain't.
Trust me, it will be boring. Chinese new year is boring full stop... Rush rush rush.. stop. If you expect a party you will be disapointed. If you both come out they will have no comprehension of what you mean.
I'm spending Chinese New Year with my Chinese wife.......in London, Manchester, Venice, Rome & Portmeirion! I'll need a bloody holiday by the time we get home to Guangzhou!
royceH:
Mate....the stuff of dreams. Has your wife been the Europe before?
Hope you have the most fantastic time. Send pic.
Hotwater:
She's been to England & Ireland with me in 2013....but not to mainland Europe before. Pain in the butt getting two visas but she fancied Italy.
We're in Venice for 3 nights & Rome for 4. She also wants to do a day trip to Florence on the train!
BHGAL:
hope you have fun, can't imagine such a delightful tour in my near future.
Hotwater:
Why not BHGAL? Getting a UK or Schenghen tourist visa for a Chinese citizen just involves lots of pieces of paper to show they can afford it (or their husband can) & that they have reasons to come back to China. I've written detailed supporting letters each time, backed up with financial details, marriage book & reasons why we'll both come back to China.
Is he going to tell his family this big news? He should. Why not? It's his reality and they can deal with it as they like. I think they'll respect him all the more for respecting them by sharing this aspect of his life with them. And if they don't, that's their prerogative. At least he will be free.
And as for your visit to his family, make it a day trip. NOBODY can stand more than 5 minutes of CCTV SPRING GALA B/S and they'll plan on watching it for days.
Day trip only!
chened123:
a little off topic but...Although I also recommend that he "come out" do understand what he's up against.
My older cousin (4 years apart) was born in China but they moved to the US fairly early (before I was born). We always thought they were the most modern/liberal out of our ABC relatives until I went home this summer and reconnected with him.
Apparently he came out of the closet earlier last year and my uncle filed divorce a couple months ago. His relationship with my aunt is really tough and strained. She didn't take it as well as we imagined she would. I visited them over the summer and damn that household tension...
Hopefully if he does, his parents will understand...
royceH:
Getting divorced after 20 or 30 years of marriage is common, and in many cases it's positive. Your aunt and uncles's position may be unrelated to the news of their son. Or it might be a catalyst...
In the rest of the world it's 2015 but in some people's brains it's still 1968. Or 1928.
Delphine86:
Yeah, he's not ready, so I'm not pushing him. It's something that he has to do on his own time.
I'm still excited! I'm leaving tomorrow evening, I think it will be fun! He lives in Xiamen and I heard it's really nice there
royceH:
Oh, well....yeah. You're going to Xiamen. That's different. When you're bored out of your brain you can go and take the sea air. And find a place to have a drink and a conversation.
Fair enough then.
I am with my girlfriend's family in Hunan. It is nice to get away from the horrible pollution and food in Hebei although the one benefit of living there is being close to Beijing.
Changsha is my favourite place in China because of the food and the atmosphere. I would possibly consider living there if I could get a job which paid enough money.
My girl's family are very nice. I love spending time with them. The pollution in the north is so disgusting. I'll take being around a Chinese mother-in-law over breathing in shitty air and watching the exponentially net polluters drive by in their German luxury sedans and SUVs honking, spitting and screaming into an Iphone any day.
South China is vibrant and intriguing. Just go where the aspirational tossers ain't.
This will be my 3rd CNY with the wife's family. Although I don't have anything against the in-laws and the extended family (the MIL is a little intense sometimes), I am not really looking forward to it. Like the years before, I'm expecting to sit around while they play cards, until it's meal time, and then more cards, then another meal, rinse and repeat.
I think what bugs me the most is that no one wants to do anything else. I can't convince my wife to call up some friends and make a day trip anywhere. It's always the "well this is what everyone does here..."
BHGAL:
just being together with family seems to be the extent of what my Chinese family likes to do to. My home will be full of family, dinners out and yap yap yap. All good and I know they have a sincere love for each other and enjoy giant dinners ... us westerners are goofy, you know, lets go do something, have some fun. do something we never done before, something stupid, (in their mind) .... adventure, and not just baking bread!!
dongbeiren:
sounds a lot like my wife's family - except its mahjong and not cards. I'm bringing work to do to keep me busy between meals.
3rd CNY with the wife's family. It will be mostly staying home, visiting relatives, seat, eat, play card, eating peanuts/sunflower seeds, read books or tinkering on my computer. The CNY TV show in loop for days. It's like staying at the hospital, but with less showering and dressed like for a polar expedition the whole time, even indoor. We might visit the uncles living in the deep countryside, which seems to be quite a bummer for my wife. The in-laws are nice, MIL is adorable. Last time was 4 or 5 days, this time it will be more than a week. I can't say I'm filled to enthusiasm, I would like to keep it for 2 or 3 days and enjoy my flat's comfort... But it's family, I have to endure it.
This time, it will be a bit special, because we will leave to France a few days later. It's not the big departure for the rest of our lives, we will come back to China for months-long stays on a yearly basis. Nevertheless, I expect some tears, unspoken feelings and so on. They are very sedentary people.
I'm the 3rd person in a row to say it will be my 3rd chunjie in a row with my Chinese family.
It's not the most exciting of festivals I know, but it gives me plenty time to be with my kids. I miss them when I/m working in the city.
About the gay thing: Are you his BF? Are you a girl he's bringing along to suggest you two are dating?
I have nothing against gays; my best friend is one too. But coming out to a Chinese family seems a bit cruel. Filial piety is taken so seriously here, and one child policy is a stopgap solution for this culture's tendency to rely on the next generation as a sort of pension plan.
Chinese are myopic, inconsiderate and greedy. But despite all their flaws, they still don't deserve to be told their pension plan is gone. If he comes out, expect arguments and perhaps violence.
Your actions are not spearheading the Chinese gay rights movement, if that's what you like to tell yourself. You're just hurting an uneducated family for shock value, sensationalism and gratification.
Keeping private life private is not always oppression. You shouldn't be telling a Chinese family their son sleeps with men and will probably never give them a grandson, any more than I should go around announcing to people when a Chinese girl gives me a blowjob.
royceH:
And I'll be the 4th in a row, although we don't actually spend this time with the family; and thank you darlin for that small mercy....
And, Coin, good sir, call me insensitive, or just plain simplistic, but I disagree with you on this one.
I lost count... I think this will be my 5th - 6th time spending it with the family.
Each time it does get a little better in some ways. Just can't stay too long or I go crazy.
Chinese New Year is the worst. The city (doesnt matter which one) gets even more polluted, if possible, because of fireworks 24hours not stop. Which by the way will make it impossible to sleep during the night. Or at any time. If his family is a traditional one then you will be eating and drinking and playing Majiang. And they will force you to eat, and ask you lots of question, and drink baijiu and so on. And then don't forget to bring gifts do don't look unpolite. And then only a lot of chatting with old chinese people. But I mean, it will be fun to know that it will finish in only one week.
just for you Mojot ..... back home, I always have had the greatest respect for the elders.... the same respect should be here. and it is from most people ,,, RESPECT
