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Posts: 2488

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Q: Why am I such a dick on here?

Im not talking about the language, I use that all the time and Im kind of a dick everywhere. But why is winning an argument on a stupid forum so important to me?  Why is it that everyone on here ( including me )  such a know-it-all? 

 

Everything is in absolutes.  I am right  and you are wrong.  No one ever concedes a valid point or an argument. Everyone makes their points like they have first hand experience with the most random shit.   I understand that most people are here in education  so they are always going to be pretentious douches reading coles notes from Plato and passing it off like they are time travellers from fucking Greece. 

 

But even in China with everyone thinking they are smarter than everyone else, in person, there is a lot more give and take in a discussion. We are more willing to at least process what others have to say. Yet here,  there is no budging an inch. 

 

I find it the strangest thing. I have perhaps the best life out of anyone on this forum ( just from what I read).  I have amazing friends that love me,  a beautiful wife that wants me to be happy,  a great relationship with my family back home, and a job that pays me far too much and gives me security and a feeling of pride.

 

 Yet I will resort to verbally attacking anyone on here that would dare have a different opinion from myself.   I am always right.  I cant figure it out why I would care.  Its the strangest phenomenon  and Im not alone, I see it here everyday from almost everyone. 

 

We definatly seem to take pleasure from these battles, but where is that need coming from?   Ideas?

9 years 50 weeks ago in  General  - China

 
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Some thoughts:

when trying to argue a logical point here in China, i am faced with blank stares, confusion, "you think too much", patronising smiles, but rarely engagement or logical responses.

It can be like being ignored despite knowing that what am saying relevant and useful.

if someone says something to me, i at least acknowledge the person and give them a response. 

 

Englteachted:

Student: Chinese bodies are different, we need TCM not western medicine.

Me: But there are Chinese people all over the world, they have been there for many generations. They do not use Chinese medicine. 

Student: ....

9 years 50 weeks ago
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Robk:

I know the feeling. 

 

I am right so much I wish I was wrong so I had something to learn from Chinese. But after being here so long... the well has run dry. 

 

I can estimate with a high degree when someone is going to screw up and I can't prevent it or talk them into learning the next time. 

 

There is simply no logic and when I try to explain things it is exactly as you say. I can actually see the pain in their eyes when I make them think too much hahaha. 

9 years 50 weeks ago
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jetfire9000:

I hate that too.  The "You think too much"  or "you don't need to think too much"  That, in my opinion, is more of a roundabout excuse because they know they can't really substantiate their own opinion through arguing.  

 

There are some things that don't need to be analyzed.. But there are many more that do.   I never allow myself to accept an idea from somebody who says "you don't need to think about it so much"  and if that is their only good reason for convincing me, then nothing will amount from their discourse.

9 years 50 weeks ago
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Either you are a narcissist (a la Vicky) or you feel that you are a poseur - undeserving of your station in life and thus the strong defense to keep up appearances.

 

Either way, who cares? You're just another character on these forums who gives us fodder to get our knickers in a knot about.

 

It would be interesting to see what would happen if we were all sequestered in a room together over the course of a week (a la Survivor).

RiriRiri:

We'd boast for a while about how Chinese would already have been killing each other by now.

 

Then we'd try to find solutions.

 

Then we'd kill time.

 

Then we'd try to stay sane.

 

Then we'd kill each other.

9 years 50 weeks ago
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9 years 50 weeks ago
 
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Welcome to the Interwebs

I've a theory on that. Let me wrap myself in my toga, Ancient Greece style. On Internet , you're anonymous and it's very easy to say what you want to say. Of course, nothing stops us to use well argued, measured answers, etc. But there's something called Tragedy Of The Commons (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tragedy_of_the_commons). If we apply it to Internet discussions, we deduce that in most cases, conversation goes down to its lowest denominator. Doing efforts when there's no serious personal harm in being sloppy,  it's hard, so it does not happen. Being optimistic while not ignorant of human nature requires massive courage.

A toga is cool. I keep it.

coineineagh:

While I think most of your posts are very intelligent, I have to object to you comparing internet ranting with the Tragedy of the Commons. Where's the finite resource being depleted? You are WRONG ;)

9 years 50 weeks ago
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Scandinavian:

The cartoon appears to be about a hypothetical scenario. !!!

9 years 50 weeks ago
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DrMonkey:

@coineineagh Good point. Here, the finite resource is not objectively measurable : how much one's give up on civil behavior while on the Internet. So, ok, that's a stretch.

9 years 50 weeks ago
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9 years 50 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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Geez, every question to be asked has been asked. Several time. Now at least let us have some fun with controversies and punchlines, we've done our job already*!

 

Seriously, this is far far far from being the worst place in the Internet. If it was, quality people* such as me would be gone.

 

*Free Trolling Areas.

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9 years 50 weeks ago
 
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Maybe you're just a really bored douche-bag. Every other person on the 'net fits that description. Cheers!

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9 years 50 weeks ago
 
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Am I the only Freudian slip-victim who read "Why I am suck a dick on here?"

I think your question is a sign of self-reflection, and self moderation. Perhaps you have always been around forceful, righteous characters, and don't know any other way to interact?

Personally, I've learned to respect others' opinons, at the very least to maintain that appearance. It encourages civil discourse rather than ranting. Acknowledging the *possibility* that another's opinion may be better, isn't necessarily an admission of defeat. Keeping the debate going is important, and this is best done by giving as much attention to your discussion partner's dignity and face, as you would to your own.
More offensive "What a load of idiotic BS. [insert retort]"
Less offensive "Who knows, you may be right. But [insert retort]"

Perhaps you recognize that you don't give out enough positive strokes. Concluding that you are "just a dick" is a form of self-analysis, but it will lead you into a negative Life Position: "I'm not-OK, But You're Worse (I-U--)"
Or, maybe the Life Position you are espousing is more like: "I'm not-OK, You're Irrelevant (I-U?)"

Perhaps you should read a bit about Ego States, Transactional Analysis, TA games and so on: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_analysis#Kinds_of_transactions
I'm of the firm belief that humanity would improve a great deal if people assumed an Adult Ego State more often. I rarely see this Ego State in China. Everything else is all too abundant: Punishing Parent, Nurturing Parent, Playful Child and Submissive Child. I guess behaving like an Adult is just no fun, cos you can't play TA games...

And the trick to ranting, is to keep it general. Attack a set of people's values and behaviour, but don't accuse an individual. When you make things personal, you break an unwritten rule, and you've basically lost the discussion already.
Less offensive: "ESL teachers salivate over BBQ and usually eat 5 kuai noodles."
More offensive: "YOU salivate over BBQ and usually eat 5 kuai noodles."

mike695ca:

jeez that one struck a cord eh? youve mentioned it numerous times. I apologize if I offended you.

9 years 50 weeks ago
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coineineagh:

There you go again. I happen to recall one of your insults, and you conclude that it must have been an effective taunt. It could equally have been such a laughably childish remark, that it really characterized you in my mind, and that's why I've paraphrased it twice (multiple times). How am I supposed to accept a disingenuous apology preceded with a suggestive remark like that? Use positive language, Dick. I mean Mike ;-) The thing about debating is, your opponent doesn't *have to* lose out for you to win. You always try to get one over on your discussion opponents. Even when you're seemingly reaching out to people for advicve.

9 years 50 weeks ago
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icnif77:

@coin: 'Does word 'dick' has different meaning if capitalized?'

9 years 50 weeks ago
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coineineagh:

I teach English to 2 Dicks, and they're not even dicks.

9 years 50 weeks ago
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icnif77:

Me on intensive English course

9 years 50 weeks ago
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9 years 50 weeks ago
 
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You can't expect Cheney will carry this title alone!

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9 years 50 weeks ago
 
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I suppose it's rather like when any sane person gets behind the wheel of a car......they change from being sane.

 

Or being in the crowd at a football match.

 

Personally, I enjoy the patter.

royceH:

Latter.  The latter you stay the more scotch I will need to have on hand.

9 years 50 weeks ago
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ScotsAlan:

Patter. It's the Scottish equivilent to Irish craic.

It's a word that never made it to Hollywood unfortunately blush

 

 

9 years 50 weeks ago
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mike168229:

Eg: yer patters' rotten

9 years 50 weeks ago
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9 years 50 weeks ago
 
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Insecurity and being in China too long. 

 

That's all it is... 

 

 

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How long is too long?

Stiggs:

However long it takes to start being a dick online...

9 years 50 weeks ago
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9 years 50 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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I like Sino Bear's answer at the top the most so far. Then the guy who gave the in-depth answer about ego's and whatnot.

I'm no shrink, but from your posts it seems you have this kind of explosive personality.  If you can't turn your attention away from an argument on E Chinacities, then its easy to believe that you'd be just like that in person too.  (Well, in your defense, most people here also can't turn their attention away from an argument and will pursue it to the extreme)

 

In their own ways... other posters will try being smart alecy or using some type of sarcasm to prove they are some all mighty brainiack. 

 

In the end you are somewhat similar to others here that just don't know how to simply "agree to disagree" ,but you just have a different style from them.  

 

Even if your material standards and emotional circumstances may all much better than everybody else's here, it seems you are drawn to these boards for some reason.  Perhaps you are bored with something?  Maybe you need to have a rumble every now and then to let off some steam?  Maybe taking up a sport could be a more fun alternative to kicking somebody's ass on the internet.

 

 

In short, these forums thrive off of interactions from different types of characters. But at the same time, if you are seriously wondering or worried about your anger management issues, it may be worth trying to keep your cool and not be just like another Chinese person when it comes to arguing or bickering.

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As Voltaire once said..'I strongly disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it'.

 

Unfortunately, as much as I may like China for what it has offered me...this is a totally alien concept !

 

Heated argument/discussion about various  issues (whatever they be..political, sexual, religious etc ) is  part of Western culture, we are generally open & engage in this.

 

However, not so here, a different 'culture' exists.

 

That's  why I do appreciate this open forum so much!

 

Cheers & Keep it up guys

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9 years 50 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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Are you?

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9 years 50 weeks ago
 
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I have a long-winded post here, since I have a lot of experience in dealing with people who act like this every day. My thoughts (and I could be wrong, so don't get mad lol):

 

"I have perhaps the best life out of anyone on this forum ( just from what I read)."

 

I honestly really doubt it. I know several people here in real life. 

 

"I have amazing friends that love me,  a beautiful wife that wants me to be happy,"

"a job that pays me far too much and gives me security"

 

What scares me is this question: if you were to lose this job/money, would those friends still be your friends, and would your wife still stay with you? You started out badly: when you're poor, you can attract the right woman much more easily. All the worst people are attracted to rich people. You came here with that job, you found friends and your wife while having that job. Now, I'm not saying your friends and your wife are bad, but... this brings me to my next point.

 

All of this seem to stem from severe insecurity. Judging by your posts (I could be wrong), it seems like the only thing going for you is money, and you feel that if you lose it, you lose everything else.

 

"a great relationship with my family back home,"

Now this one I'm actually jealous of. My family sucks. Other than my wife and daughter, who are totally awesome.

 

Anyway, you always seem to mention how good your life is in China. You want everyone to know how you're doing "real work," and how awesome your job is, and you often denigrate people for being "lesser" than you. It seems to me that you're insecure and scared, and have a slight touch of narcissistic personality disorder.

 

Source: I know a lot of people with narcissistic personality disorder. They brag about the same things (look at Vicky for example) as you, and more often than not, they aren't true. They act the same way, though some are worse than others. Finally, I honestly doubt your life is even half as good as you say it is. There are several people here on the forum who have much better lives than you describe, who very likely make more money than you, and who don't brag about it.

 

But it's good you notice this. The first step to recovering from narcissistic personality disorder is to recognize that you have a problem. You need to actively combat those thoughts. Back in the old days, we just called this "pride," "haughtiness," "arrogance," etc. Now there's fancy psychiatric names for it. It's just something you need to work on. The first step is admitting you have a problem. The second step is to work on changing... that is, if you want to.

mike695ca:

you know, generally when people  say shit about me i could care less. Im awesome, so less awesome peoples opinions mean jack, but I do take offense when people talk shit about my family.

 

you have no idea about my situation , you are guessing and generalizing based on your own experiences.

Your wife couldnt afford food, now she has upgraded to barely being able to afford food, thanks to your mom , not you.  

 

For the record, I am a teacher like everyone else I did not move here for this job, I earned it , my wife was there well before i changed positions. I did not pick up my wife in a rice field such as yourself. I did not knock up the first girl i came across that needed a passport and then asked my mom to support us.  My wife comes from an educated wealthier family. She doesnt  doesnt need my money  and if i thought for a second she would leave me if money was tight i wouldnt of married her.

 

My friends by the way were also close before new job opportunities and have managed to keep pace or surpass me in that regard so yeah im pretty sure about that too.

 

any judgements about me though ill leave alone, your entitled to that. 

9 years 50 weeks ago
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Hulk:

Not on my own experiences, no. I think people are only with you because of your money. Your attitude speaks for itself, nobody's going to put up with that unless there's money involved.

 

I doubt your wife comes from an educated wealthy family because I'm sure she'd see through your narcissistic fraud, either that or she cheated on every assignment.

 

You are responding to every bad point as if you were desperately trying to make it not true. I don't believe your responses. You're also deflecting your anger by making things up about my wife, in hopes that others will forget about your shortcomings.

 

You imply that your wife is better than my wife, because she's "educated" and "comes from a wealthier family," while mine comes from a "rice field." Honestly, nobody would want to be with someone like you unless there was a lot of money and/or face involved.

 

You're a male version of Vicky, and a classic narcissistic. Have a great day, mate.

9 years 50 weeks ago
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Shifu

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-I'm a unpleasant lapsed Catholic with religious melancholy, and a terrible relation with the folks in the USA. I have a purely objective view of morality and see the government as morally evil. I have few friends, and certainly no long term friends, having moved around the world since 22, and in addition having hated most of my friends from university, who have embraced immorality, slackerism, pot, or other problems.

-and with all that I still think I'm less irritating than you...

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This is hilarious. You ask why you're a dick online, then say you're 'kind of a dick everywhere.' So you're a dick, a narcissistic dick who wants anonymous people to ponder why you're a dick. 

 

mike695ca:

While everything you say may in fact be true, you seem to have missed the point. I wasnt referring to myself so much as most people here in general, including you. I was merely mentioning that I do these thing as well so as not to keep an accusatory tone. The topic wasnt about what you feel about my personality but as to why your a dick as well. It is funny that you dont see how ironic it is  that your being a dick  in a posting about why people are dicks on the internet.

9 years 50 weeks ago
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bill8899:

I tell it like it is. Sorry I missed the metaphor! I guess it was right after you call people in education 'pretentious douches'? Not that one could call that accusatory. Was hilarious, now hilariouser.

9 years 50 weeks ago
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I try to be consistent on the internet as I do in real life. I try not to use vulgar language on here or anywhere else in my life. I try to be respectful to all no matter where or how I meet them.  

I have my moments when I strongly disagree with people on here, but I do not take it personal.

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