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Q: Why are there so many divorced women in China?

Been browsing through some dating sites and have realized that there are more divorced women in China. Most are with kids.

 

Has anyone tried dating these divorced women. If so, are they any better than the other lot that focuses completely on materialism.

10 years 39 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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have you met chinese men? my experience with divorced women has been good. most women in china are pressured into marriage at a young age (before 25) by their families. their entire childhood they are brainwashed into thinking their purpose is to serve and tolerate their husband and make a son.  their entire value as women is attached to these BS ideas. they are told they should marry to help the family because love fades. after spending some time as a married woman to an ape they might wake up and realize they were taught BS. but here's the catch they are stuck with a child. chinese families pressure newlyweds into having a child asap.tis puts the woman at a disadvantage. she by law is not allowed to have another child. also the man usually decides the fate of the child. he will either chooose to abandon the  child (no child support) or he will choose to take the child and cut the mother off from ever seeing the child. 

on those dating websites you'll also notice an odd number of very young divorced 20somethings. (20-23)

as i'm often told, even by victims of date rape , date rape is normal in china and it is the woman's fault. these dogs target young virgins so often times they do not know to take the morning after pill. so if it is not aborted then there will be a wedding. many times the family do not know or do not care about the rape because this is the norm. they  divorce soon after and he usually takes the kid. 

you have to remember sth, in china it is illegal to have a child out of wedlock. so you will not see single mothers (never been married) as in the states . 

i feel really sorry for the young ones because they do not get the wake up call as the older ones. their lives are rough, forever. because in china, divorce is always the woman's fault. i will give youan example . my friend's husband left her for his mistress. her family blamed her. her family demanded that she go and ask for forgiveness and beg him to take her back. yes! he had an affair, he left her. 

 

so these divorced women are essentially untouchable. it takes a lot of family maneuvering to get one married again. 

the more i think about this country the more i ..... ....... ....... ...... .......

i di not live through the stone ages i did not get to see how cavemen lived but after my time in china i have a very good idea.

xinyuren:

spot on.  I have heard this story straight from the women's mouth many times.

10 years 39 weeks ago
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crimochina:

it makes me want to round up every decent hard working single guy in the states and bring them on a trip to china. 

10 years 39 weeks ago
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GuilinRaf:

That happened to a colleague of mine. Her husband divorced her and ran off with his mistress.

My colleagues family said that if she (their own daughter!!) had been a better wife, her husband would not have "had" to find another wife. In other words, if the husband cheats on the wife, it is her fault....

10 years 39 weeks ago
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bayuvar139:

You are sooo right!

10 years 39 weeks ago
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angelina8:

It has always looked strange to me how the families are pressuring young couples into making the baby ASAP. With the one child policy, it seemed more logical for the female to get a job, travel, build a career, and then make the baby when she is in her late 20's or 30's She will be both financially and psychologically ready to raise her child. It's only one child, even a 35-year-old could give birth to one child. They can even have a white wedding and make the baby 15 years later.

 

Now I realize it's all about imprisoning the woman. Once she has a baby, she can't 'run away'. She can't have any other children (not without paying a huge fine and/or losing her job) with her next husband. The horror, the horror. 

10 years 39 weeks ago
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ravster09:

Very thorough! The more I think of this country, the less I want to do with it. I am planning on leaving soon.

10 years 39 weeks ago
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I was dating tiger once, or twice. We weren't successful with babies. No. 

10 years 39 weeks ago
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two things about divorced women:  They frequently go to dating sites because Chinese men avoid them (the ladies, not the sites).   So the percentage numbers on dating sites are not indicative of the general population.  Divorced women are more likely to approach a foreigner because they know foreign men do not have that "single and virgin" hangup.  Secondly,  divorcees are hot.  They are more confident, better at sex, and more worldly-wise (in general).  Unfortunately, many of them are also very bitter because they are no longer naive about life and men in China.

mkc05:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jMame1N6VU

8 years 34 weeks ago
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Shifu

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The answer above is correct but not sure about them being bitter - but could be. They are also looking to help raise the child they have so if you want to have a relationship with one you will have to consider the kid. The ones that are divorced and the kids are a little older want some lovin'. Some are good at it, some average. Most need instruction on kissing. I wonder why? Maybe Chinese males don't like doing it?? The kissing I mean......actually I might mean the other as well - hence the divorce??? Posing too many question here.

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Because of Chinese men

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10 years 39 weeks ago
 
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have you met chinese men? my experience with divorced women has been good. most women in china are pressured into marriage at a young age (before 25) by their families. their entire childhood they are brainwashed into thinking their purpose is to serve and tolerate their husband and make a son.  their entire value as women is attached to these BS ideas. they are told they should marry to help the family because love fades. after spending some time as a married woman to an ape they might wake up and realize they were taught BS. but here's the catch they are stuck with a child. chinese families pressure newlyweds into having a child asap.tis puts the woman at a disadvantage. she by law is not allowed to have another child. also the man usually decides the fate of the child. he will either chooose to abandon the  child (no child support) or he will choose to take the child and cut the mother off from ever seeing the child. 

on those dating websites you'll also notice an odd number of very young divorced 20somethings. (20-23)

as i'm often told, even by victims of date rape , date rape is normal in china and it is the woman's fault. these dogs target young virgins so often times they do not know to take the morning after pill. so if it is not aborted then there will be a wedding. many times the family do not know or do not care about the rape because this is the norm. they  divorce soon after and he usually takes the kid. 

you have to remember sth, in china it is illegal to have a child out of wedlock. so you will not see single mothers (never been married) as in the states . 

i feel really sorry for the young ones because they do not get the wake up call as the older ones. their lives are rough, forever. because in china, divorce is always the woman's fault. i will give youan example . my friend's husband left her for his mistress. her family blamed her. her family demanded that she go and ask for forgiveness and beg him to take her back. yes! he had an affair, he left her. 

 

so these divorced women are essentially untouchable. it takes a lot of family maneuvering to get one married again. 

the more i think about this country the more i ..... ....... ....... ...... .......

i di not live through the stone ages i did not get to see how cavemen lived but after my time in china i have a very good idea.

xinyuren:

spot on.  I have heard this story straight from the women's mouth many times.

10 years 39 weeks ago
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crimochina:

it makes me want to round up every decent hard working single guy in the states and bring them on a trip to china. 

10 years 39 weeks ago
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GuilinRaf:

That happened to a colleague of mine. Her husband divorced her and ran off with his mistress.

My colleagues family said that if she (their own daughter!!) had been a better wife, her husband would not have "had" to find another wife. In other words, if the husband cheats on the wife, it is her fault....

10 years 39 weeks ago
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bayuvar139:

You are sooo right!

10 years 39 weeks ago
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angelina8:

It has always looked strange to me how the families are pressuring young couples into making the baby ASAP. With the one child policy, it seemed more logical for the female to get a job, travel, build a career, and then make the baby when she is in her late 20's or 30's She will be both financially and psychologically ready to raise her child. It's only one child, even a 35-year-old could give birth to one child. They can even have a white wedding and make the baby 15 years later.

 

Now I realize it's all about imprisoning the woman. Once she has a baby, she can't 'run away'. She can't have any other children (not without paying a huge fine and/or losing her job) with her next husband. The horror, the horror. 

10 years 39 weeks ago
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ravster09:

Very thorough! The more I think of this country, the less I want to do with it. I am planning on leaving soon.

10 years 39 weeks ago
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Completely agree with Xinyuren and Crimo.

 

It isn't until after Chinese women get married that they make a few important realisations:

 

A) Letting your traditional, uneducated, manipulative parents make decisions for you is a shit idea.

B) Material greed does not result in matrimonial happiness, whatever the storybooks say.

 

Once you experience domestic violence, constant verbal abuse and frequent infidelity, the need for social conformity becomes less appealing.

 

Most divorced women I've met have got past the social prejudices and material greed to which young Chinese women are enslaved. On the whole they are generous, good-natured, calm, considerate, and a lot more interested in finding a good man.

 

 

GuilinRaf:

ESPECIALLY since they have had the "not so good" man....

10 years 39 weeks ago
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Four things I have observed for this:

 

1- Immaturity.  Growing up young Chinese are made into machines by studying all day and not having any interaction with the opposite sex.  Young they are told study, study, study.

After they study, then they are told marry, marry, marry.  You have 25 year olds with the minds of 15 year olds.  

2- Wanting a male child.  You can get one free try in China, so couples aim for the boy.  If a boy is not born to offer sacrifices to the ancestors, some men find another woman and try again.

3- The greed of some women. They've used up one guy's money, now on to the next one.

4- Some guys live like Chinese emperors with one wife and several concubines.  I know one woman married to such a guy.  She knows her husband is cheating on her.  I can see it in her face as it gets darker every time I see her. But she stays with the guy, the guy has money.

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  Instant gratfication.    We live in a mircrowave mentality world now.    Many people want it quick and easy.     As for the mairrages.    Many people in society has accepted the divorce it has become more acceptable.    Years ago people frowned on it and it was not accepted so widely.      People see it on TV shows,  Movie stars,  sports figures, politicans.    Society as a whole has forgotten the meaning of what a mairrage really should be.      Many people now or days do not want to make long-terms commitments no more.    We are living in the last days.    The love of many will continue to grow cold.   Brother will betray brother.  Father, son.    Members of their own families will even kill each other untll the end of the age comes.    do not be surprised by these things the Word of God told about 2000 plus years ago. 

Samsara:

Yes. All these flashing lights and fast cars are pretty scary, huh? You probably should go and hide under a blankey and wait for the "end days" to pass.

 

Getting to the point:

 

If a woman is being beaten, verbally abused and cheated on frequently, what’s wrong with divorce? Why should a fictional book (not a very good one at that) written thousands of years ago by ignorant people from a primitive culture change her mind?

 

10 years 39 weeks ago
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My Wife’s Divorces and Her Family’s  Perseverance Story

·         Born 1966 to a small town, low class family …. Second daughter.

·         1989 – Knocked up, married and had a daughter.

·         1999 – Pressured by his VILLAGE   and his family, the husband was “forced” to leave to pursue a son.

·         6 years of raising the daughter alone … not really alone, lots of family support.

2005

·         Introduced by a friend to a promising single man.. 2 month fling and remarry.

·         3 month marriage ends when this promising guy tells her to disown the 16 year old daughter.

·         Family helped her to get rid of him.

·         Another 3 years of desperation and single motherhood.

2008

·         I met her and many other Chinese women online.

·         Truly a wonderful person is what I saw ….  We met and married in 2009

·         Her father died in 2010.. All 4 of his kids happy and with good prospects for their future.

A very typical Chinese story, except for her family.

She has 2 sisters and a baby brother (36). Her parents kept having kids until they had a son. 

Wife’s older sister (49) works property management in Hong Kong. She and her husband escaped mainland China in the mid 80’s when they were starving. He is an electrician, working in the construction industry in Hong Kong. Homeowners in Hong Kong.

My wife (46) and I remain in her hometown. I am retired and happy to help her Mom and “our” daughter (23). Daughter is now studying and working in Shenzhen. Mom is aging and the wife and I are the only remaining immediate family left in the hometown.

Younger sister (43) recently left mainland China (2011) with her son (17) to further his education. The father remains here, working hard, for his son.

The baby boy (36) is a fine young man, and is very well looked after and appreciated by his older 3 sisters. Last year he bought an apartment in Guangzhou, and then soon found a wife. He is already complaining that his wife is no match for his sisters.  We will all be training her in the coming months and years. She is your very typical little Empress. He is a marketing guy for Toyota (Japanese) in Guangzhou. Glad it’s him, not me.

While this was not her “dream” nor mine. I am very happy that my government refused to allow us to live there together as a family. I now have a new family and quite content to enjoy life in China with my dear wife, daughter and family. My son (21) back in Canada is a bit of a “pain in the ass”, but he will grow up too I hope.

I remember well, on my trip here to marry her, the joy she expressed as we walked by the old folks dancing in the park. She was so happy that she would not be alone anymore and that her daughter would be able to get more of an education. (Even though not in Canada). Smart young girl – no Empress here.

Now, today and every day, the gratitude and graciousness and love that she bestows on me are something I cherish and often just don’t believe I am worth it. Actually it does get to me sometimes; I can do it myself, dear!!! Every man’s dream???

RRoy:

Very touching.... wish you and your family all the best!

10 years 39 weeks ago
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crimochina:

 "3 month marriage ends when this promising guy tells her to disown the 16 year old daughter."

 

you have no pucking idea how many times i've heard that. and many women actually do it, because their parents want them to remarry. i met 2 massage girls who were given up this way. (sold to the owner of the massage parlor)

10 years 39 weeks ago
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For every divorced woman in China there is a divorced man...so 

crimochina:

but the reasons and future prospects are very different

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Shifu

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More of a problem with the sample size. Obviously divorced women are more likely to use dating sites, especially ones that target foreigners.

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My landlord was a huge bitch, but I finally figured out why after just trying to be nice to her... I still don't like her, but still.

 

She told me the story of how her husband completely abandoned her after she gave birth to a daughter. Instead, he went to Shanghai and slept around with his new playthings. He never sent money back home. He kept putting pressure on her to work hard and make more money so she could earn his respect, and that maybe he'd return. WTF?

 

In fact, my apartment complex seemed to have more than a few single women. I almost never saw any grown-ass men, but I saw plenty of mothers there... all alone, with no guys in sight. Only a few buildings had men...

 

Chinese friends tell me stories of being beaten by their husbands for misbehaving, or watching/hearing about their sister getting beaten.

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Shifu

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Yet, my wife says all Chinese men are money making princes, that treat their wives with respect and work every waking hour just to support their family, honey, if you are reading this blog, I call you out, Bull Sh*t

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https://metro.co.uk/video/man-crashes-small-plane-house-fight-wife-1744420/

 

ok,ok, divorce, fine, don't fly off the handle and do something stupid, come down from the clouds, never mind, too latecrying

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