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Q: Why do asian people avoid saying sorry?
I mean this generally. Of course there are many asian people who say sorry often, and other foreigners who don't say sorry.
But in my experience with them in my relationships, they seem to really avoid it. I am not one to demand an apology, but I believe in an apology when one has wronged or hurt the other. It seems that they try to just have the situation be forgotten about, and they will do something nice to make up for it, but still won't accept their wrong and say so, and apologize.
Is this common with asain women?
11 years 38 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Face. Admitting fault is a loss of face. Simple.
And if they are in a relationship with you, then you can also add on the fact that some believe that if you 'love' someone, you never need to say sorry or thank you for anything.
hey i am the only one aloud to quote songs around here.
Yes,quite commom,the girls around me are like that,seldom say sorry,if they do something wrong,always find an excuse,some are really rude and impolite.I am living in a dormitory.I should say most of them are rude.Once a roomate removed my dress and rolled it into a ball,I got angry with her and told her to buy me the same one from the store if it was damaged.Then she yeiled to me:fuck your mom,you think your dress is made of gold.Also I am working and living in the downtowl of shanghai ,people spited in the street everyday,everytime I stare at them,they still do it.Everymoring I have to take the elevator to go up the 11th floor for working,many chinese just rush to it ,one time my bag was squeezed.I should say most of them are rude and impolite.I am a chinese,but I am not like them.I dont wanna lower my level to be like them.
crimochina:
stop bashing china. all countries have the same exact problems. 
Laoban:
Victoria is a racist, a chinese racist againt chinese.
What do we call these people`? Inhuman piece of smelly shit!?
LAR:
Victoria,
Regarding that female's comment about your mother,that is horrible and extremely disrespectful! I would have smacked her in the mouth! :( Regarding the idiotic comment that I just read, Victoria is NOT a racist! What the hell kind of comment is that to make?
crimochina:
how is she a racist for disliking bad behavior? would you like someone to treat your property like garbage?
siyingyuan:
it depend on how she approach to her roommate, what tone or language she used.
I've had people complaining about their kids don't talk to them, but they won't tell you they sold their kids' Christmas presents for drugs.
We need to hear from both side.
and for elevator incident, I don't see there's anything wrong with people rushing in and trying to get to work. And if I have to use an elevator with 20 other people, sorry, I won't give much attention to your purse either. don't bring that purse to work! that's another solution.
LAR:
"inhuman piece of smelly shit!?" What a crude,unkind thing to say about someone. :( Pitiful!
Victoria1987:
Everytime I won't rush to an elevator if there are lots of people wait there before me,I prefer wait and be polite.Not just one person might be late.
No matter what kind of tone I said to my roomate,she did something wrong first,she owned me an opologize.Until now,she never said sorry to me,just avoid speaking to me,what rude a person she is.
Apologize and thank you is a very good way to be polite.I never get bored of hearing thank you and sorry from people,it is a very polite way.
LAR:
It..................used." Alright, I can agree with those words to a certain extent. But, it is COMPLETELY improper to speak disrespectfully about someone's mother! :( "Don't...................work!" That is ridiculous and selfish.
pathological narcissism
LAR:
I think that you're on to something ras. It is a form of pathology and selfishness. :(
Same reason, as they don't say 'thank you' and 'please' as often as English speakers do.
'many foreigners say sorry often'? In what language, in English or in Chinese?
If Chinese say 'sorry' in English, they copy 'habits' of English language.
Personally, I often like to think about the moment or action, after which I am required to say: 'I am sorry!', and avoid it altogether.
because they are Chinese. they have different cultural background! I have had people (Chinese) complaining about me saying too much "sorry" and "thank you" because that makes my "sorry" and "thank you" less sincere; it almost like you are faking it, say something you don't mean to. And most of my friends don't like me being over polite, that keeps us distant.
Chinese people prefer to keep "thank you" and "sorry" in mind and do it in action.
Well, with the younger one-child generation, that's a bit tricky. A lot of them (I did not say ALL) being overly spoiled, they are very self-centered. those ones don't know how to say sorry or thank you, in words or action.
I used to have this kind of problem with my girlfriend ( a Chinese). Each time I told her she had done something upsetting she would simply try to do something else as 'compensation', without explicitly admitting her wrong and apologising. This used to fan the flames of anger in me....When later I let her know about it, she told me in China, generally, a girl is not expected to apologise to her boyfriend. Good thing is that after we sat to talk about the problem with that kind of thinking she changed. She would sincerely say sorry each time she knew she had upset me. Was not easy for her at first but she later got used to it.
About thanking people: My girlfriend still believes I am not supposed to thank her for anything. She says in China two people in a relationship are not expected to thank each other 'all the time', something I am yet to learn to avoid. When I am with her, I always find myself committing this grave 'sin'. Of course unlike the case with an apology, I don't mind if she doesn't thank me for anything.
My girlfriend never said sorry or even please or thank you for many months until I finally ingrained into her the importance of these this and now she is very fast to say sorry when she knows I am upset.
But if we never had those talks then there is no way she would have started.
Too many things in relationships with Chinese girls is implied..like love...and culturally they do not feel the need to say these things...they expect us to know already...and feel insulted when they are pressured to say them..at first anyway.
I ever thought 'sorry' wasn't in the chinese dictionary.
derek:
Welcome Eben...........I want to help u with ur post but.....nah....I agree with u.
