I do have the same problem as you, but not for the same reason.  I am very picky of what I eat, and for medical reasons I can not eat spicy food at all.  I do not advertise this, but when I go out to eat at restaurants, I do sort of taste a little of each plate first, ignoring those dishes that are spicy.  Then, of course, everyone else sitting at the table feels obligated to place those spicy things onto my plate.

As I understand it, it is the Chinese way.  They wish to insure that all share in the food available.  But to me, it sure is a problem.  

I have had partial success by asking my GF to inform others at the table not to do it, since for medical reasons I might not be able to eat all the food brought to the table.  But still, once in a while, someone will ignore the warning.  So, what I do if I know is spicy is to pick it with my chopsticks and transfer it from my plate to the spit bowl.

Funny do, my GF will do that with her daughter all the time, always taking items and depositing them at her daughter's bowl.  But she always keep at the table an extra set of chopsticks for that, never uses the ones she is eating with.

Its viewed as super polite in Chinese culture. Wives will do it for husbands as a sign of love or whatever, if its people you've met for the first time its a sign that they are welcoming you.

I hate it too but its like when a Chinese guy gives you a cigarette,  you're supposed to accept it even if you dont smoke, out of respect.  If you tell them to keep their dirty chopsticks away from you obviously they will get offended,   and saying: "its ok thanks I can get my own food" is bascially the same.

where did you grew up man, that you have never gotten someone else germs you never shared ice cream or candy or kissed a girl smoked a cigarette or joint passed around a beer, just shug down some strong rice wine man kills most of the bad stuff. plus you are not even supposed to finish your plate so just say they were so generous that you could not finish gives them more face, I had to write an article about earth week ended up on a hippy bus for 2 days.  Between all the beer, wine, food and joints that i had to put in my mouth even if I did not inhale or care to, and sleeping on a bus a guy shares with his dog I felt like a petri dish. But I went with the flow and got to have a fun time with a bunch of girls who did not mind striping half naked in the middle of the night to go swimming in the frizzing cold, some crazy guys and a lot of material. So in short there are ways of saying no or just not eating the stuff so try not to miss out on a good time because you think there chopstick are going to kill you.

Not to add to your fears but, do you have your Hepatitis inoculation?

haha..i have a idea,you dont eat the food that others put in your bowl,or  you can put the food you like in your bowl at the beginning,then not eat them.choose the food you like  by your chopsticks. where will they put the food in?but  they just want to tell you they are welcoming you.im a chinese,i know if old people do this,that means he/she likes you very very much.and young people dont do this now.i hope it can help you.

it is the culture difference,chinese people,especially elderly people do this to show their hospitality to the guest because "humble and modest"are chinese traditions,pepole think u are shame to help yourself  the first u visit them.

i can understand,if u really don't that,just tell ur fellow friends or let your fellow friends retell their parents or grandparents to stop doing it,i think your friend won't mind if he knows the difference of culture or table manners

listen when you make the decision to come to china understand you are choosing to come to a country where the people are thoroughly de-educated. that means they dont know anything about preventing the passage of diseases. and in all seriousness if anyone has trouble with an act that is done in  kindness and hospitality, you should seriously re-think staying in china. with all the rude behavior, this is something i could never be upset with. it not like they know they are putting you in danger and are still doing it.

Get a life, the Greeks, the Italians and many other Mediteranian countries do the exact same thing for the same reasons, the difference is, they use their fingers to give you the food.

Agree with the above 2 comments.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

I suppose coughing in your face is also super polite too huh.  I feel very warm and welcome when someone coughs in my face.  Uneducated is right.  Did you know they sell a woman's placenta after she gives birth to someone who will cook and eat it?  Chinese people will eat other people's flesh, blood and organs because they think it is healthy.  Not kidding.  Haha!  I laugh because there is a health reason why most civilized societies don't allow cannibalism.  It's not just a moral issue, its a health hazard.  Allow me to explain.  Can you catch a cold from a dog?  How about a cow?  Although some diseases and viruses have been known to jump species,  there is a natural barrier between two species that blocks the transfer of diseases and viruses to another species.  However, you can catch a cold or the flu virus from another human.  STD's, blood born pathogens, etc, etc.  It is extremely risky to consume flesh or blood from another human.  I don't care if the protein in human meat most closely matches the protein of my own and gives me ease of digestion.  I'm worried about all that other stuff I can catch from consuming someone elses blood and flesh. 

When the doctor came into the room with a bloody grocery bag filled with my wife's placenta after giving birth,  I was shocked.  He walks up and says, do you guys want to take this with you?  WTF?  No! Throw it away!  Well they just turn around and sell it out the back door for a hefty price.  My friend is a bio-chemical engineer that works for the State Dept. back home.  It's pretty interesting to hear what he has to say about this kind of stuff.  Filthy, just like the streets are filled with human waste. 

I asked my Chinese friend if he would eat someone's amputated leg.  How about someone who freshly died, would you harvest their organs, their brain in order to cook and eat it?  F*cking savages. 

You came to a different country, when in Rome, you do as is custom, if you want what you like, go home, other wise learn to live and do get your hep a and b shot.

Yes, it is an old custom and it is supposed to be an honor to have it 'done'.

However, if the person is not family, he/she is supposed to turn around their

own chopsticks to serve you, but not with their 'eating end'.