Excellent question, Moonlake.

1. Chinese parents care more about securing money for themselves than they do about their daughter's happiness. Because they themselves live in loveless, unsatisfying relationships, the only benefit they can see in relationships is money.

2. Chinese people are slaves to social prejudice and tradition.  I suspect a lot of Chinese people would prefer to be unhappy than different. As to sacrificing someone else's happiness - that's an easy decision for Chinese parents.

3. Chinese girls don't know how much they should expect from a relationship, and how important it is to get it. They don't have the opportunity to conduct relationships on their own terms and find a mutually fulfilling one. Having been told that wealth equals happiness for their whole lives, they submit to their parents' demands about money without realising what a tragic decision they're making.

"How can a loveless marriage with a bmw and luxury flat be more important than waking up in the arms of a person who makes you feel whole, happy and loved?" - A question all Chinese people should try to answer.

Because they are slaves to every bad part of their own traditions and culture, no moral values are instilled in them from birth, the want of money, the greed and envy, they do not want to be better than everyone else, they want to be worse than everyone else.

Their outlook and preconceived ideas are - to me at least quite unbelievable. I have 3 children of my own a daughter and two sons... I would never dictate to any of them how to live their lives.They are free-spirited individuals that are in command of their own destinies,whether for the good or the bad. I will always be their father - I will never be their commander. I have shown them - what I think is the right way to be.The rest is up to them..their lives are their lives.

I am always there/here for them - to help and advise - I would not expect them to simply feel obliged to visit me each "Saturday",that is not what I want. I am happy to see that they are now 'individuals' ... free to choose their direction in life.

As for Chinese parents... Give me strength ! They are trapped in a time-warp of their own making,trapped in a world that should not exist... many of them have no understanding of the 'outside' world,many of them are 'closed' to any change imagining always that Chinese way is the right way - Thank God that they gave up foot-binding !

I personally have no time for the narrow minded,the blinkered ( by choice ). It's time for them to wake up and smell the coffee !

I see this question/position voiced so often on here and elsewhere. While I agree that today it may be a majority way of thinking, my personal experience shows that it is not an overwhelming majority.

My Chinese family, of humble beginnings, ( and I’m talking about 50-90 year old people, not just kids) has managed to view the world, as just that…. The world …. It ain’t all about China. Father-in-law did have contact with the outside world as a port authority type “cop” ( biggest Chinaman I ever seen).  I don’t know where or how he got his beliefs, but he certainly raised his 4 kids in a way that just does not seem typical to what I read on here.

I do know that he and the family have/had respect for Mao. That respect is more about “change” than it is about methods or anything else …  change for the betterment of the people and of the world.

When I speak of my new family, it is not just my immediate family ….  I have met a lot of folks in this small town in Guangdong (Zhanjiang) and it is everywhere….  The hope for change. And certainly, with regards to the question “parental control” …  I think it is more and more a thing of the past. 

Chinese parents view their children as nothing more than their retirement plan. They control it as they would any other asset - with themselves in mind.

The reason parents control their children is because of culture, history, and especially philosophy- Confucianism.  Confucianism relegates rules and duties between the family and its members.  It is the duty of those older, and seemingly wiser people, to guide the younger generation into making the right decisions in their lives. You can call it coercion or insistence.  Likewise, the younger generation must return that guidance in obedience called "filial piety."  A child's life is to keep their parents happy and the parents are to advice and guide their children.

This relationship is also seen between other Chinese.  Obligations exist between the emperor and subject, and between bosses and workers as the emperor and boss have become a sort of surrogate father and the employee or subject a child. 

Let me give you a personal experience.  When I was dating a teacher, the principal called her into his office and told her to break-up her with me. "You can teach him Chinese, but I don't want you to date him. You are one of our best teachers," he told her.  So her boss was acting like her father in advising her to leave the foreigner- me. I never thought how dating me would diminish her teaching skills.  When that did not work, her mother went on a three day hunger strike and that did it.  After avoiding me for a week she sent me a text in the airport telling me "take care."  She sent me an e-mail one week later explaining the situation: "I am sorry, but I had to give up our relationship. A daughter's duty is to make her parents happy,"

I hope this explanation helps you. 

first of all they really have no choice. mao designed this govt perfectly. govt controls the people families control the children.  this is done through the hukou book.

they can't work or legally move without this book. 

mao destroyed much of chinese culture and left in elements that were helpful to the ccp 's control over people. 

families starting with parents/ grandparents indoctrinate the children with the idea of filial piety. basically you do not live for yourself, you must do what is necessary for your family . (your life belongs to the country (ccp) , and then your family) when they enter school the school continues the brainwashing. china is perfectly designed for control. you need the relationship of others in order to survive. you need connections to get jobs, clients, your child in school and everything. have you seen how they act (fake friendships, and fake smiles) when they finish school, they can't earn a decent wage. this is by design. they must rely on their parents, family and friends (most have roommates) having to rely on others re-enforces the "cultural values" set by the ccp. they never get alone time. you know why you see so many chinese using the space in places like kfc, because that is their alone time. whne they're home they must put on a fake face (harmony), no matter what issues they are going through. sorry got a little off track. basically unless they have found a way to earn a crap load of money, they will be dependent on their family and friends. and this means they have no control over who they marry. even uncles in some families choose the husband for a woman. 

to me it is just sickening. my first 2 years here i created an atmosphere where my students can talk to me about anything. (there were a lot of student suicides in the news at the time, and i was concerned) every pucking week i was dealing with this type of situation , my/ his parents forced us to break up because of (insert bs excuse here , fat, not rich, not pretty enough, sick mother etc.) i mean this was some barbaric stuff. (not to mention the issues with date rape, harassment, stalking even physical assault) women in this country seriously have it bad. 

FYI not all Chinese are like that, for instance,my parents don't control me , they let me make my own decisions  and all they  want  for me is  to be happy and healthy 

I agree that not all parents are like that as my ex-wife's family were very supportive bar one awful aunt.

In saying this, the control by parents over their offspring is not just restricted or limited to their love lives, it's just their love lives are the most personal and important aspects of anyone's dream/s in life.

I spoke to a girl in a lift in my old home.

She said she wanted to be a dancer when she was younger but she couldn't because of her parents.  This girl was 25 odd years old.  A girl in brief conversation talking about her dream being crushed by her parents.

A couple of good responses on here, but Teggsnose is about as right as anyone can be.

Samsara you have been a long time poster that is selective in your posts (like me).

I admire your insights as I believe you have been here a long time and see things most people choose to ignore.

Yes...you are 100% right on this subject and it has caused me no end of grief...wether with me and my relationships or friends (Chinese) who where heartbroken because of the selfish decisions of the parents who care nothing about their daughters happiness and everything about their own future monetary comfort.

Their daughters are nothing more than commodities to be bought on the open market for their own gain regardless of their daughters happiness.

I blame not the parents for this selfish behavior but the government for instilling these moraless values on their people simply for the benefit of not having to support them in old age even though they claim to be be a socialist government beholden to the needs of their people.

Blame not the little people that adhere to subtle manipulation but the source of the brainwashing and manufactured consent.

14 min 26 sec ago 

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Lack of balls.