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Q: Why do we always say that most women here are gold diggers?
Ok, this is a sensitive question which most of us undoubtedly have different opinions about and probably some strong reactions to. In most cases, we tend to generalize but we all know there are exceptions. Many of you are married to your dream partners while some are obviously thinking it was a mistake. Whatever the case, at some point or other, we would've met some women who fit the bill as a digger or was totally not driven by materialism. I tend to think that the latter would be few and far in between. In my experience, it's a question of how far a local woman would go to ensure her security with her man while not being labeled a digger. I've met some outright examples while there were others who were more subtle but diggers nevertheless. I've lost count but I can count how many who were totally not materialistic. What about you? Did you have something similar?
10 years 4 weeks ago in Relationships - China
I don't think most Chinese girls are gold-diggers (in the sense of putting on the charade of a relationship to get a man's money), but their priorities are way off. Material security is a more important concern than compatibility or intellectual/emotional stimulation.
In their souls Chinese women need companionship and stimulation just like everyone else does. But all their lives they are told that their duty is to latch onto someone with enough money to support the girl's parents.
In my experience, Chinese women develop somewhat obsessive attachments to foreign men because the emotional sustenance they get is something they never experienced before. Even if they get into a huge relationship-destroying drama because of their greedy parents making demands for money, they will find the withdrawal from emotional support extremely difficult.
Gold-diggers don't have emotional investments.
Englteachted:
I do not need to post an answer, this nailed it. Chinese women have no experience with emotional attachment. They are property of their parents, property of their husbands, property of their govt, property of their employer. When they get a chance, they try to grasp something for themselves, but they don't know what is out there. So they go with what they know material comfort. When a woman here gets treated as an equal and experiences true emotional bonds they will do anything to keep it.
I don't think most Chinese girls are gold-diggers (in the sense of putting on the charade of a relationship to get a man's money), but their priorities are way off. Material security is a more important concern than compatibility or intellectual/emotional stimulation.
In their souls Chinese women need companionship and stimulation just like everyone else does. But all their lives they are told that their duty is to latch onto someone with enough money to support the girl's parents.
In my experience, Chinese women develop somewhat obsessive attachments to foreign men because the emotional sustenance they get is something they never experienced before. Even if they get into a huge relationship-destroying drama because of their greedy parents making demands for money, they will find the withdrawal from emotional support extremely difficult.
Gold-diggers don't have emotional investments.
Englteachted:
I do not need to post an answer, this nailed it. Chinese women have no experience with emotional attachment. They are property of their parents, property of their husbands, property of their govt, property of their employer. When they get a chance, they try to grasp something for themselves, but they don't know what is out there. So they go with what they know material comfort. When a woman here gets treated as an equal and experiences true emotional bonds they will do anything to keep it.
I tend to agree with you after experiencing a relationship I had in the past. She would still drag her feet back after a HUGE fight, looking sorry and wanting to be back. It's true that they will never experience the depth of a relationship with a local man since both would be equally materialistically driven. Sometimes, I think that parents are somewhat ruthless in demanding for money through their daughters and if it's not forthcoming, the threats of forcing their daughters to marry someone else richer through match making inevitably happens. It's no wonder that the divorce rates are climbing.
I don't think the majority of Chinese women are gold diggers , quiet the opposite, I get crap for spending money. I have only met one. I find Filipinos are very much gold diggers.
skunkman:
Maybe because you spent all your time hanging around the red-light district of Ermita...hehe!
TedDBayer:
no, Angeles, never head of Emrita, sounds like you know the place better
iWolf:
I agree with you Ted but back in the day.... when I was single, there was a significant number of "food diggers" that were always keen to go to an expensive restaurant (and for me to pay, of course).
My wife is so frugal.
i have observed the behaviour of Chinese women around the male FT's here.
Even the married women become obsessed by and jealous of these guys even though there is no question of anything happening.
The girls become possessive despite the fact some of the foreign guys are in relationships.
Even when i talk to any of my foreign colleagues, this draws death looks from the local women, especially in the campus restaurant we would meet in.
it could be the inability for many of them to comprehend different kinds of relationships that are possible 
It is because you sometimes get stopped by a girl whose 3rd sentence to you is "I really hope to find a foreign husband", I may be bad at reading women, but I'd say that is a come on to what is generally perceived as being a wealthy person (my white face) Of course doesn't have to be gold digging, but the priorities are certainly off.
Spiderboenz:
A friend and i did a social experiment a few weeks ago. Didnt shave for 2 weeks, then put on our best "hobo (read, dressed lije homeless people) gear" and went to the local bar district. no women bothered to speak to us. After an hour, we went home. Changed into nice clothes, shaved, then headed out again to the same bar. Suddenly we were popular, go figure.
Maybe an other factor... The girls who are not in gold digging are less likely to attract the attention of a foreign guy ? They dress in a very ordinary way, and show no sophistication, so it might go under the radar of some guys "no way she speaks English", "she's going to be super shy and won't handle the cultural gap", etc.
I saw lots of guys running after the girls in fancy dresses and with fancy make-up, and it's all trouble and drama, money money, etc. I go for the ordinary looking girl, who turns out to have some personal fantasies and pursuits. Much less trouble and drama, and money is completely out of the equation, every time.
louischuahm:
I agree that those who dress up to attract are far less capable of dealing with relationships as compared to those who don't. However, I do find that those who don't dress up are far more affectionate when you finally get to know them better and they tend not to focus on materialism.
I think that “gold diggers” are mostly a thing of the past. We foreigners are not so financially well-off and loose with our money compared to the up-and-coming middle class Chinese men who are more than willing to pay for the privilege of having a coveted mistress.
What does still exist are passport hunters and mercenary daters.
The passport hunters are after any foreigner that can be strung along until the woman can get the coveted green card or permanent residence in another country then ditch their mark. My ex-wife was such a person. Hid her intentions perfectly throughout our dating phase then dropped all pretensions of a harmonious partnership after the wedding papers were signed…she desperately wanted to go to Canada with her family in tow. She didn’t realize two things: that Canada doesn’t recognize marriage as reason enough to grant citizenship and that dropping your pretensions before you get what you want is not a good idea. Hence, “ex-wife.”
The mercenary daters are those who are considered “too old” or too financially well-off and/or educated beyond the prospective husband to be considered marriage material. I had ongoing communication with a woman close to my own age, in a neighboring city, who seemed to be relationship material – never previously married, no kids, good education, and employed. I met her in person and over the course of one afternoon all was made clear. She never previously married (or even had a serious relationship) because her family came first. AS she was advancing in age, her position in her company suddenly was becoming tenuous. Her parents were advancing in age and it didn’t look like she could adequately provide for them. Solution? Get married ASAP to someone who could foot the bill.
Another relationship prospect: on the second date, she turned off all electronics in the apartment and physically confronted me (I got screamed into a corner…fearing that the neighbors would think I was inflicting physical violence on her person, I was trying to be as pleasant as possible whilst considering how much of a kick would send her out the window). She asked me, “Okay…we’ve had two dates…when can you decide when we’ll get married?” No further dates occurred.
Having spent at least 12 years teaching college-aged students in China, I’ve seen my share of those who have “rich uncles” pick them up in their BMWs and Mercedes on Friday evenings. There’s more than enough evidence on this site alone which deals with the mistress culture. I think the only real threat is the passport hunter and to a lesser degree the mercenary daters.
Cause you guys just meet those gold diggers,there's still plenty of girls are NOT.
If I was a guy,I would not give a chance to a girl who's a gold digger,It's obvious that she's into money,not into YOU.If you still can not help falling in love with a gold digger,that's your problem.
I am glad that I am not a gold digger as well as most of my friends.
everyone has shovel, the women are gold diggers, but the men for their BS
As Sinobear mentioned above, it's not the gold diggers who are the problem, it's the passport hunters.
They are usually secure money wise, or at least the family are. They perhaps lack the required skill and experience level to gain a work permit for a foreign land.
Their family put pressure on them to marry foreign, and emigrate together with selected members of the family.
It's often about getting the family members and family money out of the country to distant lands.
ScotsAlan:
I have seen it a few times Hotwater.
I don't blame the women. For many it's their only avenue out.
A young girl living in Manchester might have dreams of living in Spain when she grows up. She might spend all her teenage years learning Spanish and dreaming of living and Spain. Then when she is old enough she can go.
That's not really an option here.
I don't think there are that many, as a proportion of the population, who want to go to live abroad. It's just unfortunate that because of the immigration policies of the countries involved their best bet is to marry a foreigner.
And of course, it also means that the average foreigner meets more women who have that dream. That's a shame because it leaves many foreigners thinking that all Chinese girls they meet only want a passport.
As Mrs Merton said to Debbie Magee......
JacobJohn:
ScotsAlan, that's something new to me and it makes very much sense, indeed.
Most women are gold diggers to some extant regardless of culture. This is due to evolution. Women have evolved to seek security for their selves and their offspring. In todays world, money equals security. Even in modern times where many women are able to support themselves, rarely do they date less well off men because they want to maximize that level of security. Men on the other hand have no problem dating a girl who is dirt poor as long as shes young and attractive.They have evolved to seek out mates who will provide them with the healthiest offspring thus passing their genes along successfully. Both behaviors will be amplified in a developing country because women need more security and men are allowed to act like men.
juanisaac:
Good job harpo in explaining the ABC's of male/female relationships. It is all about genetic programing here.
Harpo:
Thanks man. I expected my answer to be collapsed by now because its not exactly gender PC, but I think its the truth.
From my experience in China, sure, you've got some gold digger women in china but if you travel around in other countries you'll see the same. I spent few month in Thailand you can see plenty of women like that too.
The point is foreigners will attracted a kind of woman in the world. It can be for bad reasons like gold diggers one or for good reason which are not especially link to money and settle down outside china (Visa).
Foreigners should not be too naive when they arrive a new country and new culture. You can see quickly if women around you are nice with you only for materialistic reason or not.
In France we have a proverb about chinese: if you're in China and you have got 10 rmb in your pocket, better to say you have 100rmb, but a french will say he has got only 1rmb.
Why? because for us money and working are not at all the aim in life but it's more about human values. In that way, you can see quickly, if the people around you are interested to you for who you're or not!
