This is one part of Chinese culture that drives me mad.  Thank God, however, I don't experience it often these days -- when I was in Southern China, this kind of behavior was very, very typical.  If often reminded me of my days in Tokyo where I would encounter this kind of behavior all the time.

In Northern China, however, I have found the folk to be at least 80% direct, often overly forthright, shoot-from-the-hip-types, like some of the posters around here.  Up here, they say whatever is on their mind, or whatever is not on their mind, but usually "yes" is "yes' and "no" is "no" -- I say usually but not often.

Re your question, you are going to have learn when she is saying what she means and when she is saying an aside-to-what-she-means.  Remember the culture can very often be passive-aggressive and if you have dealt with passive-aggressive types before, you should be able to master this kind of behavior.  Also, there is a lot of guilt built in around here and making someone feel guilty is an excellent way, in their opinion, not mine, to control someone else.  Get rid of the guilt on your part, study a bit on how to deal with passive-aggressive types and let things just go when they don't work out.

welcome to marriage

just keep the florist on speed dial

and learn to say sorry sincerely even if it is not your fault however it will always be your fault because she is never wrong even if she is mistaken which she never will be unless you can prove it with supporting evidence that she will say is not relevant and you know that is true because she is never wrong............ect

 and then there is Sa jao

And this is why I Drink

Just do it.  With my friends, workmates and gf, I don't ask when they intimate/hint they may need help with something. If I am able to, I will help them without asking them if they want my help or not.  Saves face and you come out smelling like a rose.  Oh, one other thing.  Do it for them.  Not for yourself.  Cheers and good luck.

I've actually devised this helpful flow chart to help you deal with the situation.

...........................................Are you a teenage girl?.................................

................................................//...........................\\.......................................

.............................................//................................\\.....................................

...........................................v....................................v.....................................

........................................YES.................................NO................................

......................................//...........................................\\..................................

....................................//..............................................\\.................................

..................................v.................................................v.................................

.........By all means continuing to.....||||.....Be warm, friendly, honest...

.........play mind games with the......||||.....and direct with your peers...

.........people you interact with..........||||.....Even if they don't like it..........

.........as this is the proper way........||||......they will eventually come....

.........for you to behave......................||||.....expect, if not appreciate,......

.............................................................||||......it from you...............................

Good luck!

Because they like to B.S.,be passive-aggressive and are extremely prideful. YUCK!! Oh, and I forgot..watch out for the guilt-trips that they like to lay on others,acting like a child,hidden agendas,pointing the finger and being arrogant ********! Yaaaaawwwwnnnnn!  * Did I miss anything?

Have a nice evening! :)  * Damn, wouldn't it be excellent if MANY Chinese adopted New Year's Resolutions to change some of their ASSININE behavior? Natch!!

every day I learn something new about Chinese girlfriend/wife inner workings.

very beautiful but to complicated.

to bad.

life is meant to be enjoyed.

I just don't know why they just can't say yes or no.

I think if it is not working out just let it pass  .Nothing in China is as it seems.You have to hold on lightly, but don't let go.

you have to play "guess and act" game throughout your life..your time starts now..

Good answers so far.  The worst part about this kind of behavior though is that they honestly seem to think that this behavior is right and "polite" when its anything but.  Why would anyone think like this? 

Women are like this every where. Men are always wrong universally. We can ask what's wrong and hear only ''nothing''. We are supposed to be able to read their minds. I once got blamed for a flat tire and my girl friend being late for work, turns out I shoulda checked her tires before I went to work.

China was closed to the outside world for a long time. Parents were taught by grandparents and children taught by parents. old ways take a long time to change.

From what I've read a lot of it has to do with culture and face, apparently it is considered rude to ask direct questions because that may force the person being asked into refusing which is rude because the refusal may indicate you cannot comply because you don't have the means / ability which in turn would mean losing face.