Stiggs:

I think it's mostly to do with the hive culture, there are no individuals here, everyone is part of the collective.

"There is no 'I' in team" and all that.

I sort of understand how that evolved but from what I've seen the reason for all the personal questions now are so they can gossip about, bully and ridicule people. Oh and if the person happens to be higher on the social ladder than them it's so they know whose arses to kiss and be subservient to.

diverdude1:

Yeah,,, 'Hive Culture' really says it all.  Funny I was photographing bees the last few months and never thought of that expression.  

Example for lack of privacy:  (kinda gross though)  The way the guys carry-on with their conversations and bull-sh*t sessions in the latrine. Stinks to high heaven, and wouldn't that be the One place where u would want privacy?? Yet they are in their yelling and smoking and havin' a grand ol' time.   Must admit still freaks me out after years here...

icnif77:

Stiggs:

So is making up a story about people and then it becomes 'true'.

Not in a village, but in a new community I had just moved into....

I was walking past a gaggle of old ladies and they all stopped talking to stare at me as I went past and then they started asking each other questions about me. Where's he from etc etc. Turns out - according to them - I was American.

A few weeks later someone in the local market veggie market said hello... I heard you're from Meiguo...  and when I said nope, I'm from NZ...

but my friend said you're American

No, New Zealand.

But, everyone says you're American....

Nope, NZ.

I'm pretty sure in his mind he thought I was wrong cos, how could EVERYONE else be wrong.

I found out later according to local gossip I also have kids in NZ and I was looking for a Chinese wife. It's a weird feeling being the last person in the world to know about my own life situation.

TPP:

lol, you are absolutely correct, in a village it doesn't matter what the facts are.

Viki87:

Cause their IQ is not well trained. HA They look like people in my village, lack of proper logical thinking ability.

Viki87:

Most Chinese, especially the villager, are not smart enough to take a hint. They care so much about other's privacy, will keep trying till they get an answer, which is none of their business.

Stiggs:

I don't think it's that they're stupid, it's just a culture thing.

Me me me... I want to know everything about that person's life so they should tell me. Even if the asker wasn't oblivious to how the other person is feeling which they most likely are, it wouldn't matter because... me me me. Not always obviously but often enough that it's something you can expect to be common place.

Thinking about how one's actions might affect others isn't really a Chinese thing.

Often I think the personal questions and comments are a form of passive aggression though. Any time I got that vibe from people I'd usually put a big smile on and get passive aggressive right back at them. If you get the feeling they're trying to be arseholes Viki,  be an arsehole right back at them. If they're just doing the only thing they know then don't hold it against them, it's not their fault.

icnif77:

You just described big-ass OP ...

 Was it intentionally ... ?

PulSartre:

Once at a time icniff you ought to give Vicky what is hers just as Stiggs did with his sound answer. You don't need to keep her in the corner of a presumed earned stigma, becuase she is well stigmatized on this site, however she has learned to ignore more than us Westerners the Echina naggings at her. C'mon you must give the respect this time. You're better than that. 

icnif77:

Viki87:

Most of them just doesn't know it is impolite to ask personal question. Just super annoying, asking me everyday, nonstop. Today the ladies kept telling me, you should find Chinese men. Don't think of marrying foreign man. Weird Villagers. I told them it is a personal preference, but they just do not stop pushing me to give up the idea of marrying a foreigner. Super weird and annoying, if I act mad at them, they will call me rude and the rumors will spread in the village talking bad about me and they all will start isolating me. I had enough bullshit in this village. It is their stupid culture but not mine. In big city like Shanghai, it gets better, people still ask about private question but if you give hint that you do not want to reveal, they usually stop. The government should give education lesson to tell them what is called privacy and people should respect that. Chinese school never had privacy education.