The place to ask China-related questions!
Beijing Shanghai Guangzhou Shenzhen Chengdu Xi'an Hangzhou Qingdao Dalian Suzhou Nanjing More Cities>>

Categories

Close
Welcome to eChinacities Answers! Please or register if you wish to join conversations or ask questions relating to life in China. For help, click here.
X

Verify email

Your verification code has been sent to:

Didn`t receive your code? Resend code

By continuing you agree to eChinacities's Privacy Policy .

Sign up with Google Sign up with Facebook
Sign up with Email Already have an account? .
0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Q: Why most western guys don't want to get married?

All the western guys I was with age between 25 to 29 don't want to get married.Why?Is it commom in western countries?

10 years 36 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
Answers (1 - 25 of 30)
Comments (23)
Posts: 62

Governor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Yes, in Amsterdam, people like to enjoy their lives and if I remember myself, my average 'relationship' was max. three months. How sure you know she/he is the one at age 25? 

 

You think the Chinese way of getting married young, and than later won't divorce because otherwise family troubles? So what is better? I know lot of  Chinese friends/business partners, who married young, and now still married, but already 10 years having a 'fake' marriage. 

 

I prefer to marry not depends on age, but moment I really feel it is the time. 

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 879

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Victoria - When you have sex with a guy you met in a hostel then ask him to marry you, it comes across as something between desperate and scary.

 

Don't do it.

 

Western people want to know they are in a meaningful and fulfilling relationship before they commit their whole life to it. That's sensible. Not wanting to marry a needy girl you have known for 10 minutes is not the same as not wanting to get married.

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 7204

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Vicky     there is more to life than getting married.     besides what do you think being married is all about ?       it might help all of us understand you a little better

happywanderer:

Very good question: "what do you think being married is all about ?".  And I also find it interesting that you're so determined, Victoria, to live a life as different from other locals as possible yet still hold to very traditionally Chinese views of marriage.  In one of my other comments I did say something about Chinese girls getting near 30, panicking and speed-dating guys then marrying the first one they come across with a reasonable face and wallet.  Don't fall into that way of thinking - it leads to a miserable, loveless marriage and ultimately divorce.  Take ya time and do it right.

10 years 36 weeks ago
Report Abuse

Victoria1987:

I admit I am worrying a lot. 1.I am at the age supposed to get married soon in Chinese society,my family and the people around me give me a lot of pressure. 2 And my parents wish a nice young man can marry me before they die,i can understand them,I don't want them to worry for me.They are close to 60. 3.I am 26 in western,27 in China,it is much better to give birth a baby when I am still young,I want baby,but I want to take responsibility of him/her,I don't want him/her without a father,I can't make a baby with a boyfriend.4.I like western looking men,China has so many women,I have to rush. I am telling all of these in my mind now.

10 years 36 weeks ago
Report Abuse

happywanderer:

Fully understood.  But Samsara's comments above are totally on the mark.  If you're meeting a guy ask yourself "Do I enjoy being with him?"  Or "Am I happy?"  Never, ever meet a guy and ask yourself "Is this husband material and what would our baby look like?"  It will kill any chance of romance and freak him out in a big way. Because he'll know...

10 years 36 weeks ago
Report Abuse

Samsara:

These are fair concerns, Victoria, but you MUST change your current strategy. I am going to address you like a mature human, so please take this advice seriously, and don’t have a babyish tantrum.

 

1. Stop looking for sex partners in hostels. Foreign men living in hostels are either tourists on 1-month visas or degenerate sexpats. Neither is a marriage prospect. Instead try cafes or English corners. Quiet, civilised places conducive to conversation.

 

2. Do not tell men you love them after having sex once. Desperation is the most powerful repellent. If you remain in a relationship with someone for a few weeks, and are still both interested in each other, then you can say it. For a man to remain interested in you that long, you must also resist the temptation to talk about A) your sex life and B) marriage. I know this will be hard.

 

3. There must be more to your relationship than the prospect of marriage. Marriage simply is not something Western men are looking for when they enter a relationship. You should be in a mutually fulfilling relationship for at least a year before broaching the subject of marriage.

 

4. You have to talk to foreign men about interesting things. Meaning NOT about you. If you can’t hold a conversation, a foreign man is not for you.

 

5. Fishing for compliments indicates desperation (see article 2). Do not, for God's sake, EVER ask a man if he thinks you are “cute” or "lovely". Needy Chinese girls do this a lot, and it makes men vomit internally. Which causes soul cancer.

10 years 36 weeks ago
Report Abuse

DaqingDevil:

Jeezuz how do we give the comments the 'thumbs up' rather than the first answer. No offence Phil....mate.....but samsara's answer was pretty darn good. Anyway, another up thumb from me.

10 years 36 weeks ago
Report Abuse
Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 5539

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

because our parents/ govts do not force us to. so each person makes the decision for themselves. and more and more people are realizing that marriage is actually a silly thing

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1330

Shifu

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

vicky, why are u looking for such old guys, u should look for boys around ur age, 14-16yo, u got a lot more to share

Victoria1987:

 Am angry now

10 years 36 weeks ago
Report Abuse
Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1876

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Here's your answer and my feelings based on reading your posts:1. You're incredibly immature. Grow up. I teach 15 year-olds and I read from you what I hear from them. 2. Grow up. There are two types of women men deal with (Chinese AND Foreign) - the type you sleep with, and the type you marry...you fall into the former category. 3. Grow up! (Do you see a reoccurring theme here?) Marriage is the ultimate bond between two people. It implies trust, honesty, integrity, maturity, responsibility and a thousand other traits that you don't have. 4. Grow up!!!! Grow up!!! Get with the program...you may have looks now, but they certainly won't last. When you're a shriveled up old grape, do you really expect the guy who married you for your looks will still be there? 5. Get a pair! (a refreshing change of pace). As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Stop throwing yourself at others. Be yourself at let them come to you for who at what you are - warts and all. 6. Decide what you want out of life! Is all this for you or for your parents/family? Can you deal with having to choose between your "ideal mate" and your family? Can the guy integrate? Are you strong enough to defend what's yours? 7. I'm tired of writing. Why on earth would you ever trust advice from anonymous sloths on a board over what your heart would tell you to be true? I want to take you over my knee and swat you (and sell the pics to Crimo)!!! You're either the most devious troll on the boards or one of the most naive.  

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3292

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

 ... Shift+R improves the quality of this image. Shift+A improves the quality of all images on this page.

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 42

Governor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Very old but true saying......still applies today.

You seem like somewhat smart girl.  I have not found much FREE in china but when I do I make a mental notes.  But it seems like women in China like to give themselves away rather quickly to marriage. Formal friends get married to the first or second Chinese guy they date.... Enjoy your life while your young...!!!

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 42

Governor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Very old but true saying......still applies today.

You seem like somewhat smart girl.  I have not found much FREE in china but when I do I make a mental notes.  But it seems like women in China like to give themselves away rather quickly to marriage. Formal friends get married to the first or second Chinese guy they date.... Enjoy your life while your young...!!!

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 9631

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

The usual western male would never rush into marriage. As far as I know, in China, boy meets girl, and half a year later you are expected to have a flat, baby and be married. 

The way to a happy marriage has no shortcuts. You need to get to know each other before marriage can become a topic. 

Victoria1987:

I know a french guy ,he told he doesn't want to get married in his life.The guys I was doesn't want to get married when they are 25 even when they kown someone well.The London guy I with were 28 last year,he has no plan for marriage,I don't think he wants to get kown about a girl well then walk into marriage with her.That is what I talking about,you guys nisunderstood me,it is quite normal to get kown about a person well then get married,I respect it.But some guy I with seems just dont want get married,especially the London guy,now he is 29.Feels like he needs more time for party.

10 years 36 weeks ago
Report Abuse

Scandinavian:

I am pretty sure I have told my wife on one of our first dates that I think marriage is bullshit and that I didn't see the need to get married except it is a great reason to throw a party for your friends and family. Since then we've moved to China, it means a lot to my wife so we got married. The party part I now find to be utter bullshit as the Chinese weddings are purely capitalistic and has no social aspects at all. We all change and I think if anything can scare a man then it is commitment. (and dishwashing)

10 years 36 weeks ago
Report Abuse
Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 205

Governor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

While its probably true in general that westerners don't like to rush into marriage, it is also likely true that most of the expats you'd find living in China aren't looking to settle down anytime soon as well.  Therefore, don't assume that most western guys don't want to get married.  Also, if you do want to settle down and marry one the best bet might not be to look where you are looking. 

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 9192

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

When I was younger, I didn't want to get married because I wanted to experience life and have fun, not to be tied down. When I got older I didn't want to get married because women weren't supportive enough and playing on the same field. I own a house, everything I have is paid for. I don't want to loose half of everything I own because I made a rash decision.

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2587

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Marriage in the West is a natural extension of a deep love.  You can't form a deep love in a few weeks.  This is your first lesson in Western marriage.  In China, marriage is more like a business contract.  It seems your life doesn't even begin until you get married.  A pity.  There is much more to life than marriage.  And to be prepared for a fulfilling married life, you should experience other parts of life first.

Western men do not want a baby making machine. We want a mature, interesting woman.  To be honest with you, you are not ready to marry a Western man yet.  And I must warn you, if you find a foreigner who wants to marry you now, WATCH OUT!  He is trouble for you!  

That being said, I believe you have potential.  You are not too proud to ask strangers who you think can help you.  You are naive, but you seem determined to get what you want.  Those are good qualities, but you need to develop yourself.  You are still too immature for good Western men (you want a good one, right?).  When you are looking for a relationship, don't look for marriage.  Look to build the relationship...you know, like foreplay before sex?  Courting (dating) is foreplay before marriage and the longer it lasts, the better your marriage will be. Giving them sex will not get them to marry you faster. Building up your character will.  Try to be the best woman you can be.  When you become that person, men will come to you.  They will chase you like wolves.  It will be raining men on you.  Until then, focus on growing up and don't worry about a time schedule.

 

Or.... you can give in to the pressure from your family and marry as soon as possible, but you will need a Chinese boy for that.

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 172

Governor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

If you met the western guys you're talking about here in China, they don't represent the average foreigner. For whatever reasons, they are travelers and probably just passing through. Getting married and settling down isn't usually a top priority for someone who is on the move. They may have left exes behind for that very reason.

xinyuren:

Good point.  The type of men who come to China are the adventurous, colorful type, not the settling down, househusband type.  So if you're just looking for a white-faced Chinese man, you are looking for a needle in a haystack.

10 years 36 weeks ago
Report Abuse
Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 6321

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

She does not need a husband.

She needs a babysitter....indecision

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3837

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

I am having a feeling of deja-vu on this thread

GuilinRaf:

Remember the movie “Ground Hog Day"?

You are now in it....indecision

10 years 36 weeks ago
Report Abuse
Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 34

Governor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

cultural differences mostly...some western guys have commitment issues, some western guys are just travelers passing through like someone said...some western guys are just busy enjoying the "good life" where girls like you literally throw themselves at them in China, when they proly don't get much action where they are from if they are being honest with ya..

 

my advice..find a "nerdy"ish western guy that's new to China (Leonard from the big bang theory type), but here to stay for a while, interested in the Chinese culture, over the age of 30, NEW to China, snatch him up before he figures out just how easy it is for him to "get some" here just for being white..

 

do I sound a little bitter or jealous? you bet..lol

 

 

good luck

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 7715

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

There's only one person who can make you happy.

 

Similarly, there is only one person who can make you unhappy...

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3318

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Vicky, keep this in mind. The guy who ends up asking you to marry him isn't going to be the guy you bang in a hostel. 

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 106

Governor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Oscar Wilde said

 

most people marry in haste and repent at leisure

 

and as if that wasn't enough

 

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

 

 

One should always be in love. That is the reason why one should never marry.

 

And in case I didn't answer the question: Victoria grow up.

 

btw are you an only child?

 

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Your racist preference for men ("4.I like western looking men") makes me feel a bit sad for Crimo. He's been working so hard and long to snatch you. Give the bro some hope.

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 9192

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

It's like this Vicky, we don't want to get married, we just think ,,,so many women,, so little time.

nicholasba:

i feel u, i feel u....

10 years 36 weeks ago
Report Abuse
Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1547

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

The question might better be rephrased as "Why most western guys don't want to get married TO ME?"

Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2253

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Here's some advice. A good man is willing to wait. In other words, don't have sex with a guy right away. Wait weeks or even months. In fact, some girls wait until marriage, and some nice guys are ok with that as well. The wrong kind of guy will pressure you into having sex, or leave you for not giving it to him. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have sex before marriage, but at least give yourself a few weeks to get a gauge of his personality and how interested he is in you. Like someone mentioned above, sex will not make him love you, it will not hurry his decision, it will not make him stay. That is all determined by what kind of guy he is, and how interested he is in you (as a person). I think that sex is getting in the way of your logical thinking. What amazes me is that information isn't volunteered in China, but women tell men they love them as soon as they do? Why? A man doesn't want to hear that after he has just met you, it will scare him away. It's the same if a guy told me he loved me only after a week or two, I would think he is crazy. It would not make me think that he is a good person, I would only think that he is clingy or desperate. Leave a little mystery! Let him discover more about you, little by little over time. Don't tell him stuff to impress him. It will only make you look conceited. Have you ever heard of the phrase "show, don't tell." In other words, don't tell him what your personality is like, show him through your actions. You don't have to tell a guy you have a kind heart, he will see that through your kind actions and politeness towards others. He will see your nature whether you tell him or not, you can't lie about that.

 

Also, as mentioned above, it's not that Western guys don't want to get married. But it's true that many of the guys who travel to China do not intend to stay and aren't looking to get married. Of course some of them are good guys who wouldn't mind marrying a Chinese girl, but you won't find them at hostels. They will be working somewhere in China. Working implies that they have signed a contract and intend to stay for at least a year. It shows commitment. The next guy you meet, stop thinking about marriage, and start thinking about compatibility. Think about whether he is a good match for you, see if he really likes you. Think about whether he is a good person. Does he treat everyone with respect and politeness? Is he considerate of others? How does he act when he is angry? Is he responsible with his money? Does he say bad things about his exes or only complain about them? Does he want to spend time with you, real quality time? Does he brag or is he humble? These are just some of the questions you should ask yourself to decide if he is a good man. Please take your time. Rushing it will only lead to more disappointment.

Mr_spoon:

Sure, making the guy wait can be understandable, to create more desire, to make it feel special, etc. It's not a bad thing.

But months? That might be a little too much.

10 years 36 weeks ago
Report Abuse

sorrel:

wise words on the subject, but why some people get offended by a different perspective on a subject screams of immaturity.

10 years 34 weeks ago
Report Abuse
Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3837

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

'Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.'

sorrel:

Oscar Wilde 1854 - 1900

10 years 36 weeks ago
Report Abuse
10 years 34 weeks ago
Report Abuse

sorrel:

Oscar Wilde (1854 – 1900) is clearly not to everyone's taste, but he could be right at times.

10 years 34 weeks ago
Report Abuse

TedDBayer:

Sparey is hunting for your posts to thumb down, must be using multi accounts on you and Jnus. I gave the only thumbs up I can. Does anyone notice that Sparkey and Matty always get at least one thumbs up, thats proof of using multi-accounts, who else would give it. I don't get thumbs up on every post.

10 years 34 weeks ago
Report Abuse
Report Abuse
10 years 36 weeks ago
 
Know the answer ?
Please or register to post answer.

Report Abuse

Security Code: * Enter the text diplayed in the box below
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <img> <br> <p> <u>
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • Textual smileys will be replaced with graphical ones.

More information about formatting options

Forward Question

Answer of the DayMORE >>
A:  "... through ..."?  Only "through" comes to mind is "S
A: "... through ..."?  Only "through" comes to mind is "Shenzhen agent can connect you with an employer, who's authorized to hire waigouren ... and can sponsor Z visa." It's not like every 10th person you meet in Shenzhen's hood can sponsor work visa ...  The only way to change from student to labourer visa is just a regular way by: 1. Finding an employer, who'll apply for an Invitation letter; 2. Exit China and apply for Z visa in your home country's Chinese embassy; 3. Enter China in 30-days after Z visa was stamped into your travelling instrument ...As I am aware, you won't be able to switch to Working permit by remaining in China....,so make ready for a return to your home .... -- icnif77