By continuing you agree to eChinacities's Privacy Policy .
Sign up with Google
Sign up with Facebook
Q: Will you marry someone who is not your soulmate?
I think in general most ppl don’t wanna be alone in his/her whole life. The perfect situation is to marry with their soulmates. However after 30/40 years, reality tells you soulmate is exist in somewhere you just can’t find it in your life now, and soulmate doesn’t mean you will live happily with him/her. “Love is a short sparking, life is very long” for most ppl in general.
Meanwhile you are tired of your circle of friends, tired of sleeping alone, and there is someone who cares you and you feel comfortable with him. Will you marry him/her?
Most of Chinese marriage are like such type. I think we can’t simply say it’s bad. I have seen many of them are pretty happy in their marriage. After all, marriage is all about compromise and responsibilities . Am I right?
Disclaimer: This is not my personal question but for some girls who have this dilemma
it depends dose he have a house?
most girls ive met here who are married or are getting married soon all got their boyfriends right after college, in most cases chosen by the parents. i asked some about it, they all said the same thing. they must get married soon because they are old (25 is old for them). and the guy their will marry has a good job and can provide for a family. never was love mentiond. or even considerd. this is just from my limited experience so im not an expert. but in China im gonna say most people dont plan to marry any soulmate.
oh, to answer the question. i dont know about soulmates. but i dont think ill just marry some girl i kinda like just because im feeling lonly. i dont think ill ever get that desperate.
I am currently on the hunt for sugar mama. Young Chinese girl with a loaded family that will buy us a house, car and pay for the wedding, and a trust fund would be nice as well....love is not necessary...in exchange I will give her pleasure (unlike local man) and a green card!
rich45:
well now that you put it that way. i want one too. make that two sugar mamas.
Xpat.John:
I understand that Guo Meimei is still available. Get your way into that family and you will be set for life. :)
Xpat.John:
You could be the "face" husband. Godfather would still have congical rights, but if you were good you might get a snuggle or two.
Localla:
Joke aside...Im interested to know any foreigners marry with a Chinese girl from a very rich family?..how's the feeling?..lol.. If anyone could stay with a girl like Guomeimei, he must be someone with a similary idoitical level....they have strength to make this socity more and more idiotical....
TedDBayer:
The staff at the Homeland Riverview Hotel in Guilin kept telling me the owner was looking for a husband. She was a bit chunky, not bad looking, drove a white BMW. The was the deal breaker for me, I hate white cars. I thought I'd share tho. Now if anyone knows where my special friend Chen Chen is, I'd like to know.
There is no such thing as soulmates. Only two mature people loving, respecting and understanding each other.
PrettyNyssa:
At last, someone who's making sense! TY, crimo *OK sign*
7 billion people in the world and 1 man for each woman (the only possible match???) oops what if your soulmate is a lesbian and your a straight guy. i dont believe in the idea of a soulmate too impractical for me
I also don't believe in soulmates. I believe there are people out there who are very good for you, people who wouldn't work for you, and every other person is somewhere in between. If you find a person that fits the parameters and you like them, go for it. No one is going to be perfect, but they might be "perfect" for you.
The whole idea of a soulmate seems rather unrealistic, if not mystical, to me.
I don't believe a person can have a soulmate just waiting to be found. I believe a 'soulmate' can arise from any fruitful and meaningful relationship.
And if we consider the fact that relationships can't be perfect, it then goes to say, mathematically speaking, that no one on this earth can be perfect for another person. We can only approach perfection in relationships. That damn asymptote called 'perfect love' will forever be unreachable.
And it is from this situation I believe relationships derive their worth. That struggle for near perfection makes loving another person worthwhile.
Now that I've spoken like a helpless romantic, I'd like my 4 points.
paulmartin:
I f God gave us style and grace why wouldnt he give us a soulmate,i believe your right in your answer by the way
NileRafter24:
Hahaha. That's true. But with enough style and grace, we can find our near perfect mates. And then we can put smiles upon our faces.
paulmartin:
You sound a lot like i do in your answers,sometimes.wavering ,is that God person real,i think hes real,i gave you thumbs up by the way
>What NileRafter said.\
There is passion in the beginning of relationship. This will fade over time. There has to be something more to relationship. This is why so many marriages break up. passion goes. ( I think) There is nothing left, often you get tired of your mate. So just getting married for company to someone that cares, this might work. I think you could find passion, but maybe not. I could get tired of someone that l never loved hanging around very quickly. If I want just company, I have a dog and cats. This is easier and they always treat me well, always glad to see me and never blame or critize me. Now if I could just train a woman like I do my dog, I'd be happy. Especially if she doesn't mess the carpet.
OK, here's why my idea of a soulmate is different from yours (for u two out there who gave me a thumbsdown on my previous answer)
The soul mate concept is often used as an excuse for divorce. People who are unhappy in their marriage sometimes claim that they did not marry their soul mate and therefore should divorce and begin the search for their true soul mate. If you are married, the person you are married to is your soul mate. Easy as that.
A marriage may not be as unified and joyous as a couple wishes it to be. A husband and wife may not have the physical, emotional, and spiritual unity that they desire. But even in this instance, the husband and wife are still soul mates. A couple in such a situation needs to work on developing true “soul mate” intimacy.
paulmartin:
Thats probally the best piece of free advice you will ever get in your life
HugAPanda:
Um, Nyssa... don't get all hypertensive about the thumb-downs.
Marry your best friend 
Well.. your best friend that you can actually live with and not want to shove their head in a toilet after two weeks. And the sex is good.
TedDBayer:
I've never had sex with my best friends, then they are not friends. Did they wear the pink thong and garder?
HugAPanda:
My ex was/is one of my best friends. I've known him since I was 7 or so. We didn't start dating until I was 17 though, and got married after college. We took things really really slow. haha. And no, no pink thongs. Other colors though ;)
No, I would not!
But then, I'm quite content to live my life alone, travelling the world, enjoying myself, and if a girl comes along every so often that I can enjoy as well - cool!
If not, well, I'm not going to tie myself into an arrangement that is, basically, merely a legal formality which has only existed for only a few hundred or thousand years (depending on where you are).
Now, if someone DOES come along, who seems to be 'soulmate' material, then there is the possibility of marriage. Since I am already 'spiritual' (for easy definitions, I'm an 'animist', so I do actually work on that side... when I'm not a lazy bastard!), so I should already figure if it will work out or not.
I have a basic theory on marriage... I need to know who I am, where I'm going, what I'm doing... she needs to know the same about herself... we need to have a good idea of that for the other... and the way we're going needs to be basically similar. If none of the above - no go. Extreme? Yes... but so should a marriage be! Idealistic?? Sure - but as I said - I'm already content with my life as it is
I don't believe in silly phrases like that. I love my wife, but don't consider her a soulmate. I consider her a woman with a good sense of humour, who cares about me and other people, who is smart and wants the same things as I want in life.
I learned this from my parents. Both of them are practical people, love the outdoors, they garden, fish, travel all of that together. And, in the meantime they enjoy each others' company without expecting to swoon each time they meet.
They've built a house with their hands together, started a business that lasted till they retired, raised three kids and I've never seen them fight.
My old man proposed to her after three months of dating. Guess he made the right choice.
Shining_brow:
Maybe they are soulmates!!! (your story is a rare one - so are these 'soulmate' people!)
Jnusb416:
Sounds like your parents and my parents have something in common: that practicality. They met each other and married within a year, they don't fight, they work together through everything. I feel so lucky to have a great example of what a marriage should be like.
Localla:
I also think your parents are what I meant"soulmate"...They have so many similarity...I believe soulmate such thing....for example..when you find a book you loved so much, you so much want to share your feeling and thought with someone, a soulmate can do the good and happy listerner job, a not soulmate will just be polite and agree with you.....This is the difference....anyway...I also agree with practical marriage....sometimes I think maybe we ask too much for "soulmate" in the marriage.....but another sometimes we feel something were missing in the marriage....This is why when those girls/women we talk about soulmate and marriage, this conflict always is bought up....PPl all dont want to divorce with immature and irresponsible attitude.....after all...maybe this is just life...Look at happy side always.......In the end, ppl just need to stick with what they had choosed....
