Hal the random question generator.....why don't you tell us yours first?

Downvote. Stupid question.

But actually... My worst bathroom experience... Crabs.

Not in china. Long time ago.

Divorce. Homelessness. Unemployment.

All because I sat on the wrong toilet seat.

mine was like something out of some weird book about chiner that no one would believe it's true until u actually see it yourself.

close to 10 years ago I walked into one of those rural village public toilets.  two rows of holes in the ground  all open ,, I mean it's just a big kinda like barn , with a bunch of holes in the ground.  what I'm trying to say is there were no stalls/walls/privacy partitions....

anyway,,, a couple of Lukes were in there,,, one squatted down on a hole smoking a cig and blowing mud, and his buddy standing beside him,, having the most casual of conversations.

I was pretty much a newbie to rural Asia, and I was kinda stunned upon witnessing that behavior. Hard to explain unless u were there or u have a good imagination or you have spent time in rural Asia.

*I can't even pee if anyone else is around!

I have a two part story that occured when I was a FOB Tim.

Apologies in advance for the length.

I fulfilled my plan, I got off the plane in Hong Kong for a two week holiday to discover 5000 years of history and immerse myself in Chinese culture. A guy at the airport said he was driving to Shenzhen and would take me for 200 rambos. "What's a Shenzhen?" I asked as we headed west across what looked to be the Golden Gate Bridge.

Anyway, he dumped me out at the Shangri-la hotel in Lohu in the wee hours of the morning and I proceeded to look for a cheap hotel. I found one for 80 rambos per night. A salubrious establishment to say the least.

The next morning, I met some guys who had rudimentary english chops who asked me if I wanted to come to their village in Guangxi for Spring Festival. I had no idea where Guangxi was nor what spring festival was but off we went on the sleeper bus.

The next morning we arrived in the outskirts of Nanning where the first shock occured.

After 12 hours on the bus, like the rest of the spring festival hoard, I needed a crap. The toilet at the rural bus station was something from a horror movie. I'm not shy and when in Rome and all that, I waited in the all pervasive stench for a slot over the crapper/trough. A line of a dozen or so men squirting the bus trip's detrious into the trough with one hand on the back of the guy in front (for balance), a hand on my back and let it drop into the gutter with a trickle of water passing over the wreckage of too many pi dans and you tiao.

Escaped with my dignity, almost.

Another bus ride for a few hours finally stopped in the middle of nowhere in the mountains. It was cold. We walked up the mountain and entered a hand hewn tunnel that went under the mountain and emerged in 1462. No electricity, no phone signal, and housed built from rocks and mud. It was actually very cool.

Keep in mind this was day 3 in china and the "welcome to china la du zi" was just kicking in.

We get to grandma's house where we are to stay for the week. She had never seen a foreigner other than on tv in the big smoke.

I told the guys my stomach wasn't good and needed the crapper. So granny (a really nice old bird) directed me to the trapdoor in the floor. I proceeded down the rickety ladder to find a hole in the ground, dropped my strides and Saturn 5 kicked off. I l heard some noise and looked up to discover a water buffalo, a few pigs and chickens staring at me with disgust.

Just as the second stage ignited, and I shit you not (no pun intended), a white snake about 2.5 metres longs slithers out from the chicken coup and across my feet. Being an aussie, I was concerned it was poisonous but knew better than to jump or scream like a girl. In any case, stage 3 kicked in so there wasn't much I could do. Fortunately the snake ignored me, I finished and hastily made my way up the ladder to the warmth and laughter of the family.

I told the guys what happened, they translated for granny who nearly had a stroke with laughter.

She said that her husband died last year and became a snake to protect her and he was just checking me out.

My next nether eruptions were managed by the communal crapper which attracted some spectators. I'm not shy (boarding school and army fixed that). My good humour in the situation and acceptance of something which even they knew was totally alien to me went a long way to me being treated like a member of the family for the festival.

This trip was one of the most memorable in my life and I remain friends with these people to this day.

Tallest city in China?

Most comfortable chair?

for oder never use the toilet immediately after my wife .
you know that lighting a match trick .....well lets just say it took awhile for my eyebrows to grow back .
for visual i came across one in a truck stop in Australia that looked like the one from that movie desperado (Antonio Bandaros)
the cleanest Dunny I've ever seen was at Changi airport Singapore.

I kid you not it was cleaner than a disinfectant factory.

Don't know about the worst, but definitely the weirdest was in a small town bus stop.

I got off the bus looking for a place to take a leak, and someone pointed me to a small shack at the edge to the bus parking area.

It was summer so I smelt it before I got even close to it and the dirt around it was mud from all the piss and whatever else leaking under the walls.

The walls and roof were made from iron so it was much hotter in there than outside and if the smell outside was bad, the inside was horrific, it literally made my eyes water.

The was room for two people to squat on  boards over a pile of shit that was cooking in the heat and heat and crawling with maggots ... it actually made me worried about inhaling in case the air got into my lungs and gave me some horrible infection or something.

The weird thing was that there were people in there just hanging out. A guy was squatting doing his thing, picking his nose and seemed to be taking his time and relaxing, and there were two youngish guys standing in there playing some sort of game on a phone.

Of all the places to hang out with your friend on a nice summer day, why there? I couldn't even stand the smell from the outside, let alone inside but these guys seemed quite happy just to hang around in there.

When they saw me they stopped what they were doing and just stared at me with their mouths open and blank looks on their faces. It felt like something out the Deliverance movie.

Pissing would have meant standing next to the guy squatting with my rooster basically next to his head and trying to relax and not breath in while three very weird guys stared at me. I wasn't even going to try.

As I was leaving one of them said hoollooooo in a girly falsetto voice and they all laughed and I suppose went back to their peaceful afternoon hanging out in a stinking, literal shit hole.

I have a lot of toilet stories and one of my earliest and needless to say unforgettable toilet experiences was back when I was a complete newbie to China and Asia in general I hadn’t even seen a squat toilet before let alone use one. I was with a group of Chinese and my friends from the west were visiting and we had spent a few days travelling to remote parts of Yunnan which was amazing anyway one night after driving around for hours we stopped at a small restaurant which looked okay so we decided to eat and relieve our bowels not at the same time though.
It was summer so naturally a lot of liquids were ingested so I and the Chinese females went to the toilet and it was 4 wooden squat toilets next to each other, the smell was unbearable and there were no doors or a partition in sight, so I couldn’t do it. My Chinese friends thought I didn’t know how to squat so they decided to show me the reality of it and I didn’t know which way to look because they managed to pee no problem squealing with laughter with me there. So my other friends came in to see what all the noise was about and I told them I really had to pee so in full western style I squatted with tissue paper inserted in my nostrils while two of my friends stood in front like a human door and pun intended pissed themselves laughing and like true friends we did this for each other. But the best part was while we were doing our business all of a sudden a hand came in via the main toilet door with a pack of tissues shouting paper paper and we don’t know who it was! None of our Chinese friends could figure out why we were doing this and why we could not all pee/crap together who cares if we were cheek to cheek and till this day we have never forgotten that experience. Needless to say once we all got home after our trip we never spoke about it again and since then I avoid public toilets as much as I can!

Not my experience but while biking in the countryside a little girl was walking with a pack of dogs...she squats and the dogs stick their snouts neath her butt for fresh turds outta the hole...literally didn't even hit the ground...thought that was pretty raw...biked on...

Mmmmm... I rather not say.... but lets just say "chocolate" a lot of "chocolate... a lot of "chocolate" everywhere, did I throw up when i saw this? Yes, yes I did. And this was in China!