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Sign up with Google Sign up with FacebookQ: Are Ex-Pats Just Different?
I have been back home for the past 3 months after a long stint in China.
I find that being immersed in a different culture for an extended period of time (especially China) changes people (me).
It is hard for me as I spend about 8 months a year in China for work and and when I spend time back home I find that every time gets a little harder and a little harder.
Like when I am having conversations with friends, family and colleagues and we are sharing stories, I find that most of them are about China. While this may be interesting for them at the beginning and from time to time,it is obvious it is becoming old for them as they will just never understand. Never understand the madness, unpredictability, completely different life us China ex-pats have had.
I often at times finding myself missing the chaos of China and the experiences. My life back home is very comfortable...maybe too comfortable. I find myself mostly just buying time until I return to my "real" life again.
How has being an ex-pat and particularly in China changed you and do you have a hard time back home adjusting and interacting?
This ties in directly with my question, which I posted around the same time as yours. It's a very weird position to be in, isn't it?
Never really wanting to stay and never totally wanting to leave... so FUBAR
Maybe we could all get together and make "Foreigner Town". I have heard the same stories over and over again. Foreigners that hate China leave and are happy, but foreigners that HATE/LOVE China leave get bored and want to come back... then get to China and then want to leave.
It is an insane paradox that I have never seen a solution to, this is the reason for the question I posted about being stuck in Limbo. Neither here nor there... lol
I have this every time I go home, it's almost like reverse culture shock. I get home and I miss China. I miss how 'easy' things are here, ie: walking down the street and finding a whole lot of restaurants and convenience stores, you can buy almost anything, at any time, any where. Back home I'd have to drive to specific places for what I need. No alcohol is sold after 6 pm or on Sundays. But ya, after a long stint here then you get tired and then you get frustrated and the little things begin to annoy you again. So it is tough. I admire the people who have been here for a LONG time like 10, 15, 20 years.
During 4 years in Asia (China & Vietnam, roughly half-and-half) without interruptions, I always been scared to go back home, even for a visit.
Then I came back home for 2 weeks, to show my gf where I come from. I used to think my hometown, my home province are boring, bland places. 4 years later, it was a paradise. A sky with a blue hue I forgot it was possible. People who say 'hi', 'sorry', and generally, with a civil behavior, even in a crowded metro, even in the capital city loathed for its manners. Clean streets. Peaceful silence even in a million-people city. Fast, unlocked internet. The boring residential area that I loathed as a teenager looked now like some place past the heaven's gates. A home, warm inside, with a garden. Back in China, it seemed so unreal, so dreamlike. I felt like a fallen angel, back to the purgatory. A bit like my first trip to Vietnam more than a decade a go.
andy74rc:
Been in Vietnam twice in this month for business. I like it much better than China....
DrMonkey:
I also find Vietnam much easier to fit in. The locals are more open minded and are a cheerful bunch, cities are much less souless. I speak a decent Vietnamese, have some really good friend there. There are bad Vietnam days, but they don t taste as bitter as a bad china day. I had to leave because of job market issues :(
Humans are social animals. This means we are used to form social groups in which we can feel safe. When you've been to China for a long time and you then all of a sudden sit with a different social group (you friends/family in your home country), you will mentally still be part of the usual social group (your life in China) If a family member starts talking about something like "Darn those prises down in Try'n'Save are getting higher every day" you have no other response than "Yeah, it's the same in Red Commie Shop"
You reference frame is adjusted by every day of life. Spending time in a different place will change you. But the same would happen to some degree if you started routing for a different Hand-Egg team, if you moved to a different state, got a child etc.
The first time I came home from China I was depressed and I don't get depressed, I'm too up usually. I've been home for a week, guess it's jet lag and the cold I caught in the Philippines, but I'm sleeping around the clock. I have a nice quiet life here, too quiet and I just stay at home. I don't want to do any thing or go an where.
I was in Manila and Angles, thought they were shit holes, but I had a really good time, so good that I missed my flight home and now regret not staying longer. Home is boring, when I'm out I'm a barbarian. Now where is the other cat? They usually come in pairs. And it frigging snowed, I hate snow.
Pretty much the same as you. I miss China a lot, but now that I'm married, I'm never going back except to visit.
Like TedDBayer, I was depressed coming home... but my wife was waiting in 'murica for me, so I had that going for me.
Jeez, you make it sound like coming home from a war-zone and trying to make out your old life through a 1000 yard stare. Surely it's not 'that' bad, is it?
Personally I go home every three years and i'm coming to the end of my third tour of duty and am due to go back in January. I always look forward to it but last time I went I was looking forward to coming back about a month before I actually did. No problems adjusting though, but I do drink more back home. I think the biggest thing is seeing the changes. New shop here, old shop gone, and running into old friends in the street is a trip. This is my first time going since having a kid though, and I can't take him with me. That'll suck.
I have been spending about 6 weeks a year in China for 8 years now and I find myself more sinycal and less patiant as time goes on . look at the spelling in this thread for example, the spell check does not work and i couldn't care less. Try reading some of my first posts here from about 4 years ago and compare them with more recent stuff . you will see that i am more grumpy than funny
Robk:
China has a way of making you wake up grumpy too.
Like when a god damn atomic bomb explodes next to your window because a local's cousin's newborn has just arrived and they want everyone in the city to wake up like there is a fucking Vietnam war raid.