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Q: Are medical records confidential to a Chinese gf's parents?
I've been dating an American man for two years, and it's time to have my parents trust him a little more so we can move forward. For Chinese parents, health is most important and the only way to prove negative results of infectious diseases such as hepatitis and AIDS is by a physical check-up. My bf took one as required by his new employer. When my mother heard that she asked him for his medical records. He tried to reason with her but eventually promised to give her a copy. He didn't, despite the HR staffer's full support. He later told me that medical records should be kept private. I tried to see it as a cultural issue and let it go because I know he's right, but nevertheless I felt a little hurt. For one thing, a promise is a promise; when you make one you should not break it, especially to a senior who might become a part of his family. For another, when I told him what my mother wanted I was worrying that asking his employer for a copy of his medical records might make him uncomfortable, but apparently he cared about his privacy more than my mother's concern.
Was I too hard on this or is it a taboo for Chinese parents to ask for a Westerner's medical records? Maybe it's both.
9 years 43 weeks ago in Relationships - China
hes got herpes. Im sorry for your loss. Move on. or he really thinks this is stupid. But he promised and then went back on it, thats kinda like herpes, cant be cured. Move on.
also, your mom is kind of wierd. Ive heard of parents wanting to know about the guys salary and family ststus but not medical records.
You need to have a long talk with your mom, tell her its been 2 years, if he had aids, your already dead. And if your still not sleeping with him after two years. Hes cheating on you, im sorry for your loss, move on.
Robk:
It depends on which kind of herpes...
There is the herpes-1 which basically you just get cold sores on your lips due to whatever reason. Studies show 60% of North America is infected with it... very common to have.
And then there is herpes-2 which is the kind everyone fears which is genital herpes... AAAAAAAHHHH...
If he has the second... time to get running... lol
Yes, a promise is a promise, but he probably made the promise because you put him on the spot and he felt forced to agree to it.
AND yes, medical record privacy is a cultural thing: you are not married to him yet and sure as **** his medical records are none of your mothers business until that day. Even then it will need your bf's consent.
Don't ask his employer for a copy of his medical information without his knowledge even if your parents pressure you to and don't let your parents do it either.
That would be a gross breach of trust and by obtaining his medical information and saying 'this is China/tradition' could seriously damage your relationship.
NOTE: i don't divulge my personal medical information to my family unless necessary, and they would NEVER seek it without my consent.
You are taking this the wrong way, this is not about the confidentiality of such documents that is at stake, but the trust issue.
While such a request may make sense to you or your parents in the context of China, where everything is subject to the control of elders, and even more importantly where trust is non-existent, in the west (understand by the west "actually 100% of the developed world plus a significant part of the developing world"), such request is purely insulting.
Yes, he cared more about his privacy more than your mother's concern. About stuff that isn't her business to begin with. And so would most of us do and I even believe that even a fair portion of your countrymates wouldn't agree as well. You shouln't be dating him if you cannot compute why.
mike695ca:
I agree with you wholeheartedly, but still i find the topic of medical records to be a silly thing to take a stand on. Its a chinese visa health book. Who cares who looks at it?
What would you do? Im guessing i would think its a dumb ass request but hell, i cant understand anything these people are thinking and if it will make them shut up?
Also, I can see why they would push to see it now. Anyone that steadfast refuses such an arbitrary request, no matter how stupid, would seem to be hiding something. And to consider moving a relationship further with someone that wont even show the damn visa health check SHOULD be a big red flag.
RiriRiri:
I get your point, but I disagree because that's exactly what principles are about: taking a stand even on trivial things so as to maintain a certain consistency. In this case, accepting such a request from the parents sends a message which too often would translate into : "it's okay, I am ready to accept whatever you want from me, my private life is yours to assess, please push some more."
And this would mostly reveal true for such an intrusive and wierd request as the medical record.
On a side note, I don't even see the need for it... if something serious was to pop up, the boyfriend would be unlikely to get a RP anyway, right?
sorrel:
if you are dating someone seriously - and 2 years is serious - the discussion of health should have already taken place, with full disclosure on both sides.
But this information should remain between the two people involved: there is not any need for either to discuss with a 3rd party.
The OP should remind her parents that she is an adult and although they probably mean well in their concern, it is none of their business.
Yes, a promise is a promise, but i get the impression that the bf was 'bullied' into agreeing by her mother, something he clearly regretted. Parents in China seem to be experts in emotional blackmail, especially where their child is involved.
Cultural respect works both ways, and it seems discussion, communication and compromise should be ongoing, as with any relationship.
Eorthisio:
You forgot that Chinese are persuaded that only foreigners carry AIDS, they also believe that foreigners are liars, cheaters and want to destroy China from the inside by giving AIDS and cancer to healthy Chinese people.
No joke a friend of mine in his 50s who's maried to a Chinese woman the same age who got a cancer was told by her family that he gave it to her, for sure that's not the bad air, the deep fried food or the contaminated water that are responsible for her cancer. He spent all of his savings to send her to the best hospital in this part of the world, in Hong-Kong, and her family who has quite some money didn't spend any penny for her, and kept blaming him for her cancer (that's now cured).
About AIDS Western China (Sichuan, Chongqing, ...) is on par with some African countries in percentage of the population who has it.
You need to start respecting your boyfriend and standing up for him. Now, not later.
The behaviour of Chinese parents, as a species, is extremely intrusive and unreasonable. Your relationship will deteriorate once you start pushing your boyfriend to give in to your parents' demands. Remember that you are urging him to give in to your parents not because it is right, but because it is easier for you than standing up for yourself.
If you have a boyfriend who loves you, be grateful, and reciprocate by treating him with respect. If you treat him as an object that your parents can manipulate, it will damage his trust and confidence in you.
I personally don't care about the privacy of my medical records, but on principle I would not show them to a nosy Chinese parent. This is because A) I have principles, B) I have a strong desire to conduct my own life, and C) encouraging that kind of behaviour will inevitably result in more unreasonable demands.
Chinese parents do not think their children have the right to privacy, or the right to conduct relationships on their own terms. This is one aspect in which Chinese and Western culture are different, and Western culture is right.
Tell your parents "no", decisively, and refuse to participate in a drawn-out argument (parents always win those). It takes a little bit of backbone to willfully contradict your parents, but the alternative is an unending series of concessions resulting in your parents taking away everything that you and your boyfriend had.
mike695ca:
PS: Samsara is currently unmarried with no prospects. So please take his advice with a grain of salt.
Samsara:
Your current obsession seems a little petty, Mike, and would indicate more about your life than mine.
You do seem to get in these personal vendettas from time to time.
mike695ca:
All true, but if your going to go on racist rants from time to time, why cant I post and balance it out a little bit. But if im wrong, and your happily married here in China and understand the dynamics of the OP then please share it with me and I will happily concede.
flyingheart:
Samsara, thanks for your long reply. I left something out purposefully to protect OUR privacy
, but I can tell that I DID place my bf first this time and we together came up with a win-win solution to an overprotective mom's silly request. I asked that question because (1) I wanted to see how you guys think about the issue and (2) I felt a little uncomfortable with the way my bf went back on his words to an elder. (He put me in a difficult situation by doing that.). I must have done similar things that made him feel bad. So...I'm ready to let it go.
flyingheart:
Mike, may I ask you to be a little nicer to a hurt soul wandering alone in an illogical crazy country that is China? 
Samsara:
@ flyingheart
That's very cool of you. As noted by xinyuren, it's both reasonable and sensible for you to know about your boyfriend's medical condition, but your parents must learn to mind their own business.
Never mind Mike, by the way. His panties just get in a knot sometimes. Like his parents, we humour his outbursts and generally see the funny side of having a violent, retarded baby.
@ mike
It's not racism. It's culturism. The society I come from has higher standards of behaviour and awareness than the one I currently live in**. That is due to the cultural destruction wrought by Communism, not due to Chinese ethnicity.
**: I live in Henan. Now please feel sorry for me, understand my constant negativity, and lets be friends. The reason I'm still in Henan, by the way, is that I'm in a relationship with a bright, beautiful girl who thinks independently of her parents. I am economically comfortable and have loads of free time for travel, swimming, writing (it's not all cynicism), and other activities.
I have no interest in squabbling on the internet.
As mentioned there are two issues here. One is about trust, and one is about privacy. A foreigner in China wishing to go into a relationship with a Chinese has to keep culture in mind. He or she can't just disregard local customs and thinking. At the same time, his own principles need to be respected. This is a challenge you will face throughout your relationship, so you might as well start practicing it now. As for your mother, I can see her side. She wants to make sure you are safe and have a happy future. She is worried about your health. This is a fair concern.
Perhaps your bf can confirm to you his good health by sharing his records with you. Surely, if you two are heading toward marriage, he can do that. Having done that, you can assure your parents that he has nothing to hide in his medical records and they should respect his privacy. After all, the only thing she should be concerned with is any diseases or conditions that would directly affect you. Everything else is something to be discussed together with your fiance.
Melding two cultures is a delicate and complicated business but if you both are sensitive to each other's feelings, it certainly can be done.
By the way. A promise is a promise. If he had no intention of keeping his promise, he should never have made it. Even if he was pressured. This is a character issue and should not be ignored.
mike695ca:
Well said. This forum was in a need of a little thoughtfulness and balance and i certainly wouldnt have been able to articulate that half as well. Cheers
flyingheart:
I agree with what you said about trust. As to the promise issue, maybe he just forgot he made that promise, or maybe he just didn't see it as a promise. I trust him so I don't need his medical records. I'm now hoping to let my parents see why I trust him. His medical records were an easy way to that end, but we always have hard ways, don't we?
xinyuren:
flyingheart, I advise you to still look at his records, even if you trust him. Is your trust blind? A husband and wife should be able to share everything. True trust results from sharing. Also, If you have personally seen his records, you can better assure your mother that she has nothing to worry about.
I'm sorry, but if you are thinking about getting sexually involved with this guy you should demand to see his results. Understand, he does not have to give them to you.
My advice, ask once, if he says no, leave him be.
(Your mother has no role in this)
xinyuren:
I have to agree with this. Many a woman has had misplaced trust and has been burned because of it. Look at his records. If he's open and honest with you, and is pursuing a serious relationship, he won't deny you. by the way, you articulate your thoughts very well and seem to be a reasonable and good prospect for any man. Don't ruin it by trusting too much, too soon when it comes to vital things like health and fidelity. There still a lot for you two to learn about each other and this is not the time to gloss over anything.
I see this as a no-brainer.
Your boyfriend should have no problem at all with showing you his medical results.
And he should not be prepared to show them to anybody else, unless he wants to (and who would want to, as it's nobody else's business?).
If there's nothing to worry about he shouldn't care less who you tell about it. If there is something there it should only be the concern of the both of you.
It's your life and your relationship. Tell Mum you love her and to relax because you're a big girl now.
I agree with RoyceH, I don't see how it would be a problem showing you his results. To be honest, I'd be OK with showing anyone mine, it's not like there's anything THAT personal on the test, but probably that's just me.
If you're worried about him having HIV or hepatitis that's understandable but I don't think you need to worry, I'm pretty sure if he showed positive for one of those he'd be on the next plane out of the country. I'm told China takes that seriously.
EDIT: I just thought a little more about it from his point of view and maybe I can see where he's coming from. I've been put in the position where family members are asking all sorts of questions about my salary, financial situation, my parents assets etc and I felt like a horse that was being bought or sold, not a person. Maybe your boyfriend feels like this when people are demanding to see his medical status, like he's just a horse they're considering buying.
take this with a grain of salt because im a little drunk right now, but do u even think that this would be an issue if the husband to be was chinese? i dont know anybody, single or otherwise, who wouldnt find this to be an absurd request. and while u could argue that its harmless, its almost certainly motivated by race. this is not a common request from a future mother in law in china, and dont be stupid enough to think that it is.
flyingheart:
Hi, my towns fellow, have you ever heard of a saying, "No two leafs from the same tree look the same?" Sometimes you just have to accept different people with different mindsets.
In case you don't know, my family don't have any racial or racist issues. I've been working as a freelance translator for 9 years and my parents have had several foreigners as their house guests. We are open-minded people. We see foreigners not as Martian monkeys but as people who have a lot in common with us in terms of culture and personal temperament.
No offense, but from the way I see things, a lot of people tend to mirror their feelings and thoughts into what they see or hear from others, particularly if that's what they fear or hate to see/hear, incl people on this forum. For example, you go to a restaurant and eariler you heard people talking bad about their food. You will subconsciously start looking for dead cockroaches or overfried eggs and suspect you have wasted your money after all even though what you heard earlier might not be true. I forgot the term but it's a very common psychological effect people have. You might have seen, heard, or experienced bad things done to foreigners so you have this bad-restaurant syndrome creeping out to affect your own judgment. I have gone a little too far, sorry.
All I want to say is that you can't just cast a model and put everything in it. Prejudice begets prejudice, but it is even further away from truth than ignorance...and a lot more reproductive.
Flyingheart - there's a phrase you've used a couple of times on here, and I think it bears mention.
"respect for elders" (not that you said those precise words, but similar...).
While I speak mostly for myself, I think it wouldn't be too far off target to think that many others have some similar attitudes (and perhaps your boyfriend as well).
For myself, I don't 'respect elders'.... giving someone a higher position just because they've lived longer doesn't make sense. By that logic, if Hitler, Mussolini and any other psychopath lived for a long time, then they ought to have been given a lot of respect...
No, respect is given due to one's actions, and how those actions align with what was said... and of course with one's ethical and moral outlook. Age alone does not dictate levels of respect. (Also by that logic, children should be scorned and treated with contempt...!)
To put it more bluntly, and directly in reference to your situation - perhaps your mother's actions (or words) haven't merited her the respect you think she deserves. (There are many on here married to Chinese partners who would gladly tell their MIL or FIL to "fk off" if they thought it wouldn't badly harm their marriage!)
flyingheart:
We "respect elders" because it's part of we believe to be Chinese culture. True, respect needs to be earned in every culture. Don't you think a loving mom who has done everything - I mean everything - for her daughter doesn't deserve as much respect as a man who's been in a relationship with her girl for two years? As far as I know, she hasn't killed or hurt anybody in 60 years...
Shining_brow:
Hi flyingheart.
"Respect" is a tricky issue... especially in this case...
Does the man who you've been with for 2 years have to 'respect' your mother by showing his personal (and basically confidential) medical file? Or, should your mother 'respect' her possible future son-in-law. Would you go against your basic instincts, would you give up something very important and personal, just to show 'respect' to his parents if they asked?
This respect thing is one of those issues that any couple on here will tell you about makes tings go bad - the partner's (usually the female/wife of the relationship) giving far more air-time to the parents than to the partner (usually the male/husband). And it's why so very many relationships fail here!
(btw, from MY perspective, it's not merely a matter of not having hurt of killed anyone. Nor of "done everything" that earns respect. For ME, it's have they tried to be the best people they could be? Have they lied? Have they cheated, stolen? Do they bad mouth other people when they're not there? Have they instilled through example the virtues of courage, loyalty, respect, self-confidence? Have they acted with prudence and fore-sight? Whst have they done for others? Have they acted in a way that merits respect???
Most people in the world will never kill someone, nor ever do serious harm to another. Most will become parents. And most will put in a lot of time and effort for their child/ren. In MY books, is that worthy of 'respect'? NOT the blind unquestioning respect that many show. And NOT more than someone who, though of much less years and less experience with relationships or children, HAS acted in a way worthy of admiration.)
sorrel:
@Shining 
There is a fine line between showing respect to a loved one and emotional blackmail:
"if you loved me you would........."
Yes, i have great love and respect for my parents for all the love and support they have given me throughout my life.
BUT, they would not use that to put me in an awkward position regarding a 3rd person (who it was my choice to associate with), or as a means to extort information that was none of their business.
They recognized that boundaries have changed between us.
I might still be their child, but I am also an adult and our relationship has changed over the years.
When i was at home over Spring Festival and my mother asked me about my first semester, we spoke as adults as well as parent and child. My mother expressed concern about my health (regarding the levels of pollution i was exposed to etc.), but she knew that was all she could do. She knew i appreciated and acknowledged her concern, but knew that my life is just that: my life. I am not being selfish, I am being a responsible adult.
No matter how old you are, you will always be a child in the minds of your parents, BUT you are also an independent adult.
flyingheart:
Hey guys.
Thanks for your great advice. Sorrel's comments made an excellent point. I've been trying to avoid that kind of blackmailing thing. It's very ugly, I would hate that myself.
BUT the issue here is, who put me in a difficult situation? My parents who worried about my health or my bf who wanted to protect his privacy? I didn't really pick sides this time, I merely served as a translator, and we were smart enough to find a way out, but MY integrity suffered because of this clash. No one seemed to care about how I felt. As our relationship progresses, we will have more problems of this kind. If neither party is willing to think for the other and grateful for what the other has done, everybody will get hurt eventually. It's pretty common in any relationship, Chinese or foreign.
Shining_brow:
Oh, sorry Flyingheart... the way you wrote your OP, it seemed like those 2 were talking directly to each other...
While it's probably going to be easier to put your foot down with the bf, it's still something that will need to be done with your mother as well. He should be more aware of the emotional blackmail thing, and hopefully will respond better when you point out that you're stuck in the middle. (yeah, it is emotional blackmail when they expect you to 'side with them' against the other, and then get all narky when you don't (for whatever reason). It's like, "you have to love and respect me more than them... which means agreeing with me"!).
You perhaps can ask them that question..."Do I have to agree with you to still love and respect you? Do you need my agreement to give me your love and respect?" (and one of my all time favourites - "are you wise and mature enough to be wrong?" :D)
sorrel:
@ Flyingheart
if you have been in a relationship with a foreign guy for 2 years and it is serious, he has no excuse not to have discussed mutual health issues with you - he has been irresponsible as far as you are concerned and lacking in respect if he has failed to do so up to this point.
You have every right to ask to discuss and share this information with him as this does affect you directly: if he can produce the appropriate the documents he should not hesitate to show you, without too much prompting.
You have probably been up-front with him regarding your health.
It is a foolish woman who does not discuss these mutual health issues with a guy.
It is an irresponsible guy who does not do the same.
Ultimately you are jointly responsible for each other's health if you intend to marry.
Beyond that, you should be able to assure your parents as to his health (once you are satisfied and only then) and they should respect and accept your assurance.
I get the impression that your mother must have asked the question suddenly out of no-where regarding health, as many such personal questions are asked by Chinese to foreigners: we get 'interrogated' on so many personal topics by total strangers 
I personally hate emotional blackmail of any sort and confront anyone who tries it one me immediately. Being stuck in the middle as you are will require patience and tact, and a degree of assertiveness, being able to stand your ground. Good luck!
This is more of a personal thing than a cultural thing.
Some people don't care about their privacy as much and so do intensely. If a girl asked me for it... I think I would feel a little weird but if I promised, then I promised...
Besides if I had nothing to hide then I wouldn't see the big deal. But I am not him, and he is not me...
No offense, but if you have dated him for 2 years now you probably would have found out if he had something extreme... so I wouldn't worry. If he had something like AIDS or whatever, he wouldn't be working in China now.
sorrel:
anyone dating for 2 years should have had 'the talk' about all aspects of mutual health.
This is a common sense step early on in a relationship that is likely to get serious.
Waiting to be pressured by a parent to address this aspect of a relationship is irresponsible for an adult.
Dude. My mother-in-law asked for a copy of my student visa, my passport, my U.S. student ID, etc. I gave them to her (but not without a fight) because she didn't believe I was a student in China. She lived in a different city than my wife, and she thought I was an international criminal that would steal her daughter and sell her into sexual slavery.... DESPITE THE FACT THAT MY WIFE WAS PREGNANT WITH OUR DAUGHTER.
Anyway, I gave her the documents because my wife wouldn't stop nagging me about them. She said she just wanted to prove to her mother who I really was. Ugh. So, I did it. And she shut up about that human trafficking thing. She went to my wife's professor and demanded that he broke us up, but the professor took our side...
Anyway, everything's peachy-keen now, but it wasn't then. If we ever bring the in-laws to the U.S., there's no way in hell they're staying in the same house as us. We've been there, done that, twice, and it's a living hell.
Oh, I went off on a tangent? Sorry. But still, this whole "give me the proof/documents" crap from Chinese is annoying.
If I were you, I'd stop feeling hurt and look at it from our perspective: we don't like that shit. We don't like having our medical records examined by a third party. Americans are mostly private individuals, whereas Chinese people are very public. Chinese people will readily tell me where they're from, their full name, and where they are now, upon first meeting them.
When I meet a Chinese person, they are always asking me very personal questions. Where are you from? Where do you live now? What is your name? No, I mean your full name! Americans aren't like that unless they have a mental disorder.
So stop nagging him, and stop asking for his medical history.
Eorthisio:
Yep, living with Chinese in-laws (even more so than in-laws from most other countries) is a nightmare. One day I was taking a number 2 in the toilets when my father in-law came in (no lock on that door) and began to stare at my crotch, another day I got pissed at my mother in-law because she was putting fresh cabbages right next to an almost full garbage bin. I won't even talk about them still having habits from the good old' communist era of hiding valuable things from jewelry to money including mine wasting my time by not remembering where they putted it when I need it. When it comes to cleaning I would hire a Filipino ayi anytime over letting my in-law doing it for free.
I lived with them for 3 months, then told my wife to kick them out before I do it myself. If we move to Germany or elsewhere I will get them a visa and a place to live, but I don't want them in our house, ever
flyingheart:
Thanks for your personal story, Hulk. From what you said and what I have experienced I realized how different a cross-cultural cross-border relationship can be. It's frustrating sometimes but I've had some very interesting observations.
Actually, I didn't "nag" him about his medical records. I knew Americans are much less family oriented than we Chinese are. It's just that I'm tired of mediating between my bf and my parents given all those personal, language, and cultural differences that can't be changed. I understand how everybody feels but no one seems to understand how I feel. I am tired. I think I'll just step away and relax a bit and redirect my attention to more important things.
TedDBayer:
There is probably a good reason that family visas are back logged. I think it's 8 years for Canada.
Lord_hanson:
I wouldn't say Chinese are more family oriented. I think they just have a different relationship. Western family relationships are based on mutual respect whereas from mine and it looks like everyone elses experience points out respect only goes one way in a chinese family.
Oh yeah, STD records are a no-brainer. Don't fuck him without a test. I recommend marriage if the test passes and you both love each other, then you can fuck to your heart's content.
Wait a minute, when do Chinese people promise to do something and actually do it?
flyingheart:
Don't get so paranoid Ted. Every country has its fair share of people who can't keep their promises. I try not to be one of them even though I'm a Chinese. 
flyingheart:
No offense, but I think it's rather childish to say that. You break your promises so I can break mine and go down to your level. If it's true, I'd be very interested to see a foreigner spiting or peeing on the street.
After 2 years you want to know about the statues of his health! Does your mother intend to sleep with him? why the concern! Your mother has not right to make such a request. It may be seen as this is China culture however there has to be a balance, understanding and some degree of trust. How many girl sleep with guy's then ask Oh! are you health are you clean, a bit late eh, after the horse has bolted scenario. Health record are private to most individauls, I am sure, that if there was any underlaying issues to be discussed he would have done it with you. Its an issue that not open for public debate. Your mother has not right to seek copies of his medical history for his companies HR department, and the HR have no right whatsoever to disclose or divulge such private information. If you are worried about him having HIV, Hepatitis or some other underlaying health issues it's fully understandable, however a bit too late if you have already engaged in sexual activities.
If tomorrow my girlfriend's parents ask for my medical records and don't trust my word when I tell them that I am healthy, I will give her 2 choices:
-Keep dating but I never want to deal with her parents again, and they never come to our home.
-Byebye, 1 girl lost, 10 found.
I am doing so many efforts to respect Chinese "culture", I expect them to respect at least the basics of my own culture in return, that includes privacy and confidentiality.
I would be a little uncomfortable giving them out too, though of course he would be under a moral obligation to let you know any medical issues BEFORE you first slept together. Any american here working legally had to get a health check before getting their residency...so in that sense a legally working foreigner is much less likely to have any serious illness than the general population. If he is living here legally, that means he passed and is healthy.
My question to you is would your parents be asking if he was Chinese as well?
If not he might feel like your parents are saying "he's a foreigner and therefore could be sexually unclean"
How would you feel if his parents demanded YOUR medical records? If they were saying "Hey china is a really poor culture you don't know what diseases she might have"
Maybe it wouldn't be a big deal to you and it is a cultural privacy issue that westerners have. Maybe you would never in a million years jump to the conclusion they are prejudiced against China. Maybe your parents would think it was prudent of his family to want to see your medical records.
But my hunch is this might be a situation of your family really being prejudiced against foreigners but also getting offended if WE were prejudiced against you. And that's not right.
Remember US life expectancy is 80 and China's is only 74! And that's with us being really fat...so we're doing something right health wise!
I dunno I get needing to respect cultural differences and all that, but frankly I think a lot of times people say that they mean "You need to unilaterally respect MY cultural differences"
flyingheart:
I think I'm quite competent to think for others as well as for myself. I had thought about that question you asked, what would I do or say if his parents asked for my medical records? I'd perfectly understand them and give them the records gladly for the following reasons:
1. I am healthy and very serious about my relationship with their son;
2. Their request sounds rational: How else would I be able to let them know I am physically good for their son?
2. They care about their son, the man that I love, and that deserves my full support to any request that sounds rational.
To your second question, yes, my mom would do exactly the same if he was a Chinese.
As to legal procedures, since when Chinese laws began to work the way they should? Older people with more "life experiences" have greater doubt in this regard.
expatlife26:
Ok fair enough! Thank you for answering my question. Hope things go well for you and your bf
