By continuing you agree to eChinacities's Privacy Policy .
Sign up with Google
Sign up with Facebook
Q: Can you RELY on your Chinese friends/people?
I have people here who I know I can trust.. to be fairly honest with me (though not always open), I know they won't rip me off, I know they will repay me...
However, when it comes to actually having to rely on them - for them to actually follow through on something they said they'd do... quite often it turns up empty :(
And, I'm not talking about really difficult things.
Just recently, I asked people to look for some things for me. I know, all it would take is a quick Baidu or similar. Or access a website for some information. However,.... meiyou. Bu zhi dao. Or, I'll ask someone... (WTF for? I could do this myself if my Chinese was better!!!)
Do you find this? Simple requests seem far too difficult to figure out.... and you're left hanging.
Yeah, I asked this question before and it turns out that most foreigners usually very few (if any) true Chinese friends that they could count on.
Most Chinese just want to be friends with foreigners for:
1) Free English lessons
2) Face gaining (to be seen with a foreigner)
3) Just Curious... (forced friendship)
4) Some other beneficial gain (like to help with a statement to go abroad, visa, use the foreigner for marketing, etc.)
There are very few instances where Chinese actually make an effort to be friends with foreigners. I find that most Chinese are just too shallow... they only care about their personal gain and not so much about actual bonding and self improvement (that isn't superficial).
jph26:
I don't agree. The behavior you are describing is neither unique to Chinese nor is it particularly wrong in my opinion. Are we really so naiive as to believe that unconditional friendship is the norm in the West? If anything, I think Chinese are simply more reserved when it comes to meeting new acquaintances (and that is a BROAD generalization still.)
Too many of us I think have spent so much time here that we keep asking questions about "why are Chinese....." when they ought to be "why are people....."
I don't think this just exists in China. Since coming back to the west, I noticed it with Americans. Unless you have something they want, most will keep their distance. Your perception is from where you are. If there are none of your country around, and you reach out for those around for help, meeting with disappointment, then you might think they are just being Chinese.
The difference is that as a curio, some will latch on to learn English, are up their face status.
That part I agree with.
I think it depends. It doesn't matter whether your friend is Chinese or not. There are trustworthy guys in every country and vice versa. What matters is to find a trustworthy friend.
Hope you can find one.
Shining_brow:
I think you're missing the point.
It is part of current Chinese culture to cheat, lie, take advantage of others, maximize your self-gain any way you can. In my country (and many other countries around the world), these things are looked down upon.
Another very common trait is to over-promise and under-deliver. One over-promises to get some sort of face value.. and then makes up numerous excuses for why something can't be done (which never involve the fact that the promise was too much). And, thus, don't deliver - ie is 'unreliable'.
Yes, there are people like that all over the world, but it's a common occurance here.
cindyfromhaha:
I cannot agree with you. Yet there are some Chinese who always promise to do this or that for you and they always fail to live up to them, it doesn't mean most Chinese are that way. It may be a stereotype for one who does not actually get along with most Chinese to think that way. Things are not always the way you think.
I feel like I can rely on my Chinese friends WAY more than both my American friends at home or my expat friends. Sure, it's true that strangers in China are not always reliable (or trustworthy) and everyone who has spent any length of time here has at some point or another been scammed, swindled, or otherwise treated like garbage. This probably has led to a vicious circle where people lose trust, imagine them as possibly "bad", and thus rationalize cheating other people themselves.
On the other hand though, once you are able to forge some genuine bonds of friendship with Chinese people, they will have your back pretty much no matter what. The friendship relationship and the sense of responsibility that goes along with it just seems to be taken much more seriously here than I am used to.
Reading the other comments in this thread I get the impression that way too many people aren't getting to experience this side of the culture, which is really too bad. I have never been more frustrated with employers or service personnel than I have in China; but in America I have never had a friend call in sick to work just so he could help me clean my apartment and move, and then offer me his car for the rest of the weekend.
TLDR: Friendship in China: high start-up cost, strong barriers to entry, pays dividends..
I feel like I can rely on my Chinese friends WAY more than both my American friends at home or my expat friends. Sure, it's true that strangers in China are not always reliable (or trustworthy) and everyone who has spent any length of time here has at some point or another been scammed, swindled, or otherwise treated like garbage. This probably has led to a vicious circle where people lose trust, imagine them as possibly "bad", and thus rationalize cheating other people themselves.
On the other hand though, once you are able to forge some genuine bonds of friendship with Chinese people, they will have your back pretty much no matter what. The friendship relationship and the sense of responsibility that goes along with it just seems to be taken much more seriously here than I am used to.
Reading the other comments in this thread I get the impression that way too many people aren't getting to experience this side of the culture, which is really too bad. I have never been more frustrated with employers or service personnel than I have in China; but in America I have never had a friend call in sick to work just so he could help me clean my apartment and move, and then offer me his car for the rest of the weekend.
TLDR: Friendship in China: high start-up cost, strong barriers to entry, pays dividends..
Most of my friends now are Chinese. If you take the time to build a true friendship, you can absolutely trust them. Some Chinese people will never be your friend. They will always see you as a piece of meat. But Chinese people are individuals, like anywhere else, and they are humans. I purposely limit my exposure to the locals because of my limited tolerance of their habits, but many of those that I have let in have proven to have my back when I need them. They're only a handful, but its enough.
Short answer : No.
Long answer : ... No. The only person that you can ever truly rely on is yourself.
it depends. some Chinese are very kind and willing to help others;some are king of selfish. there are always different kinds of people no matter where it is, in the east or west. so my suggestion is maybe you should first learn to identify a person's character...
Why use the word Chinese? people are people. I have some good Chinese friends who would do anything for me. Employers want to use you and some Chinese people want to improve their English. Nothing wrong with any of that. Nobody is forcing anyone into friendships....
Shining_brow:
I use the word 'Chinese', because part of the culture is to make big promises that may not be followed through on. It's about talking the talk, but not walking the walk.
In other cultures, it's more important to actually follow through - and so the promises are more modest and realistic, but they will actually be done.
Why use the word Chinese? people are people. I have some good Chinese friends who would do anything for me. Employers want to use you and some Chinese people want to improve their English. Nothing wrong with any of that. Nobody is forcing anyone into friendships....
Does it really matter. Most members of ethnic groups are racists for one reason or another. There are exceptions to this practice and that makes this world possible. The racists and xenophobes are the majority in most countries. Never fear them. Conquer them through dignity and honesty.
Does it really matter. Most members of ethnic groups are racists for one reason or another. There are exceptions to this practice and that makes this world possible. The racists and xenophobes are the majority in most countries. Never fear them. Conquer them through dignity and honesty.
Yes, because I don't make (or stay as) friends with people I don't trust, or can rely on. It doesn't matter if they are chinese or ETs.
I think Chinese treat foreigners really well at first, and it can come off as them wanting to be your friend. However, they're just taught to be great hosts. Westerners expect Chinese to follow through after they are showered with affection and free food, but Chinese people don't know that.
I have a group of about a dozen Chinese friends.Within that there are five, three men and two women, who I can rely on totally as they can me. We have proved this to each other a few times and we will be friends for life. There are a lot of so-called friends out there but with patience and time you can find true friends.
