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Posts: 2020

Peasant

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Q: Do you ever regret the way you've acted here?

 

Maybe I should add the word (drunkenly) to this question…

 

Anyway, I went out for drinks with a visiting friend over the weekend. We left one bar, stopping to get some water on the way to the next one. Just before we were headed in to the next bar, my friend took the bottle of water out of her purse. The bouncer (which I was surprised to see the bar had) saw and stopped us, saying we couldn't bring the water in. So my friend promptly started drinking the water in front of the guy, handed it to me to finish off, then, because I was drunk and annoyed at being stopped, I threw the bottle back behind me without looking where it went. We then tried to get in and the bouncer refused (I couldn't make out what he was saying exactly). Using my broken drunk Chinese I explained that we didn't do anything wrong because we were drinking outside but he wouldn't budge for 15 minutes, and the situation ended with both of us cussing him out and going home (probably a good thing actually). When I woke up in the morning, I actually felt pretty bad about the way that I'd handled the situation. I quickly realized that I was probably the one at fault and that it was a major F*** You to this guy who was only doing his job when we drank the water right in front of him and I flippantly tossed the empty bottle on the ground behind me. 

 

On the occasion that I get into a tiff with a local here, I always end up feeling awful afterwards. Back home, of course this kind of behavior would be frowned upon, but here I feel like sometimes I forget how to act like a decent person, then get upset when I'm called out on it. Anyone else ever feel this way here?

6 years 35 weeks ago in  General  - China

 
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Posts: 210

Governor

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I think it's just a build up of the many frustrations that life in China throws at you from time to time. I've lost it a couple of times here, mainly with people who are trying to rip me off though I think we can be forgiven for letting it out sometimes....or can we? I also feel pretty bad and stupid whenever I do it. At least your not like a friend of mine who loves winding up taxi drivers about the Japanese. Not cool!

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6 years 35 weeks ago
 
Posts: 650

Governor

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Westerners in China usually tend to act like spoiled brats who think everything should be handed to them on a golden platter. So yeah, you were definitely wrong to act like that

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6 years 35 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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  Like the t-shirt says, 'Instant Arsehole, Just Add Alcohol'. I've regretted 'plenty' of drink related errors in judgement over the years, but then if your biggest regrets are littering and getting shitty with a bouncer, you're not doing all that bad.

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6 years 35 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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yeah, unfortunately many times. I'm short-tempered.  I've jumped their shit a thousand times, and usually always felt bad about it. They are not really doing anything wrong, it's just their behavior. Messing up a food order; not accommodating walking traffic; staring(gawking), talking loudly, blocking pathways, driving e-bike recklessly (I used to take e-bikes keys, that leads to a funny look on their face).   At the moment I feel like 'f'em', and it is kind of fun to do it,  but later on I always feel bad,,, and nope, no alcohol to blame it on. 

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6 years 35 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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No. Never.

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6 years 35 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2020

Peasant

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As long as you realize about your own mistakes, you need no further confirmation. Simply you show you are aware of what is right and wrong and that you want to stick to what is correct. But you are human and you may end up repeating the same mistake. Until one day you realize that the main problem of all the anger is that you think you are right. Sometimes I just wish I were not right because it makes me do more harm than I get. That is my experience and i am learning to pay much more attention to any possible conflict and reasons for being angry at anybody. I can ensure you of something that I found it to be actually good: the way things happen in this Country makes you see the way you are and pushes you to change it and become a better person. But you need first to see the way you are and feel embarrassed at yourself, get sick of being so much right  and make some room for compassion, understanding and hope. If no hope, at least learning to accept the people the way they are and share your values to those who want to learn from you. Maybe I am playing the words or maybe this is what I just hope for myself living in China. 

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6 years 35 weeks ago
 
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I always feel so stupid after i let out a burst of anger (drunk or not). it just shows that in the western culture, we didn't really learn that showing your anger, frustration or just "f*** off" attitude is not exactly the best way to handle a situation in China. Here we stay calm and try to understand how to handle the situation more "Chineseasy" Being drunk doesn't help what-so-ever Wink But we all had our moments, the best thing is that there are 1.x billion people living in China, and a couple million foreigners, the likelihood that bouncer will remember some drunken foreign girl is minimal. Just try to spread out your water-chugging-bottle-tossing-drunken behavior to several clubs/bars and limit it to only a couple few times per year. Chinese are very forgiving and usually just laugh at us if no further harm is done. The dumber we feel the more we learn.

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6 years 35 weeks ago
 
Posts: 67

Governor

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I used to get very pissed at some stuff, but I've always decided to not say or do anything. I'm a guest at their country, the last thing I want to make is trouble. Being vocal most of the times won't help, since Chinese will try to avoid losing face.

 

It already sucks being stared at all day, it sucks even more if you are stared at for the wrong reasons.

 

I try to be as reasonable and patient as humanly possible...

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6 years 35 weeks ago
 
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I also feel stupid many times, not always drunk ah!  I guess some things accumulate and frustration seeks a way out and we take it with a random person. I feel sorry for torturing all those random folks, maybe after a couple more years I can control myself or I end up in jail.  

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6 years 33 weeks ago
 
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Really Tang-Peter??

 

I mean, everyone here will tell you 'when in Rome". so what you did was perfectly acceptable (other than the fact you didn't try to bribe your way in.... ).

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6 years 33 weeks ago
 
Posts: 186

Governor

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You were wasted, so it's not entirely your fault you acted like that in that moment. But afterwards, you realized you were wrong. So, learn from your mistakes and try not to let something like that happen again.

There was this one time I went out with a few of my friends and the cab driver didn't know how to get to the place. We were probably driving around for an extra 20 minutes and he was just lost, taking us to places that seemed almost abandoned. All of us kept telling him to call his company or a fellow driver and ask for directions. He just kept saying he didn't know how to that and just kept going in circles. Normally we'd just get out and hail a new cab, but we were in the middle of nowhere. Eventually I was so pissed off and told him to stop to ask for directions, he said he didn't know where and who. I finally exploded and just yelled at him to stop the car near a security guard's office. Finally we got to the place we wanted to go. After I came back to my room later, I felt bad acting like a jerk to the driver. There was probably a more civilized way to handle the situation.

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6 years 33 weeks ago
 
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when the bouncers aren't busy stealing our iphones and things together with local thieves they might pay attention to what you are doing, hope the bottle hit him on the head lol. The bouncers that I have known are dodgy as fook

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6 years 33 weeks ago

call me 18701756064

 
Posts: 1090

Governor

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Not at all. Actually, it is MANY Chinese that SHOULD REGRET AND APOLOGIZE for the way that they've acted and spoken. Period. I would say the same for MANY South Koreans.

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6 years 33 weeks ago
 
Posts: 223

Governor

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Nope. Long as no one gets injured or no one gets in trouble,  I have no regrets for the way ive acted at times.  I've certianly made mistakes, but I don't regret them, I just learn from them.

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6 years 33 weeks ago
 
Posts: 223

Governor

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I think you can rest easy knowing a bouncer at a bar/club has seen and deals with a lot worse on a weekly basis. Running into drunk people is part of his job. Yeah you were probably wrong about I doubt the bouncer ever even thought about it afterwards , we've all seen people get drunk and act stupid and usually we just brush it off because we know they are just drunk.

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6 years 33 weeks ago
 
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