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anonymous
Q: Does he like me or is he just being incredibly nice?
So about a month and a half ago I began volunteering as an English conversation tutor with this visiting scholar working on his PhD from Beijing. The first day he presented me with a small gift and insisted on teaching me Mandarin. Because I didn't want to offend him by saying no and because I figured it would help him improve his English skills, I said sure. But then he wanted to teach me ping pong as well. So the next meeting he presented me with a ping pong kit and the next time with a table net. Because I didn't want to be ungrateful, I began to practice and since then we've gone to play on the weekends twice. I've definitely gotten better with his help and developed a fondness for the sport.
After the first time we played together, we began instant messaging over gchat. It was then I realized his writing skills were extremely good and he was able to be more personal and less shy over text than in person. Since then we chat before going to bed every night even if we were only meeting once or twice in person a week. I went home for Thanksgiving break and couldn't see him but before I left I had wanted to cut my hair at a salon my Japanese friend recommended but the thing was that the people only spoke in Chinese. I told my tutee and he insisted on coming with me even though he explained how to say what I wanted. I didn't let him go with me and thus the woman cut my bangs too short. Upsetting...but he saw me this last Friday and told me I looked pretty.
That was actually not the first time he's said something like this. He told me I looked beautiful in other pictures where I had colored hair and explained that he really liked how different I am. But I wasn't sure he was just being nice. Friday we spent two hours instead of an hour and a half together talking. We exchanged small gifts since I told him I got him something from back home while I was there.
We met to play ping pong last night and again we had a good time. I had improved so much I really wanted to hug him because I was thankful for his help but I held back. When I got home we were chatting again and he mentioned that he wanted to take care of me, in regards to just making sure I was okay. I asked why he felt that way and he said he wasn't sure why. We talked about my unusual sleeping schedule and I suggested he read to me that I could fall asleep if he really wanted me to sleep like a normal person. He insisted his reading wasn't very good but he would sing even though his singing wasn't that great either. I told him if all else failed he could just play with my hair or hug me until I slept. To which he only only replied with ^_^.
There's several issues with us being in a relationship. The most important one to me being the fact that he will be gone in a year but the second being our age difference. I'm 19. He's 27. I'll be getting my BA when he finishes his PhD.
I like him a lot though. The only problem is understanding if he's just being nice or if he has feelings for me. Maybe he only sees me like a little sister?
11 years 20 weeks ago in Relationships - Beijing
He sounds like a nice enough guy. And it certainly appears that he likes you...although he doesn't quite pass the "half your age, plus seven rule", so he must be kind of perv-y. Just kidding.
If you're attracted to him and he to you, go for it and see where it takes you. Good luck!
I am just speechless.......even if you treats you as a sister.....If you think his great then don't lose him...........Anyways don't lose him if you think his a great guy...............Good Luck
Careful, he just wants to hump you and then throw you out the window.
Go for it, if you have feelings I think you are better off to try and regret than to not try and wonder what could have been!
No one seems to have actually addressed my question about whether or not he might actually like me. I don't want to make a move if he's really just being nice and nothing more. Although...tonight he alluded to getting me flowers as a surprise gift...
cooter:
It sounds like he might wanna "have a try"....but as to whether or not he actually really likes you, I'm not sure anyone on an anonymous internet message board is going to be able to give you a definitive answer. You're better off trusting your gut on this one, or just asking him directly.
hola_itza:
He's extremely shy though and is pretty nerdy as a computer programing engineer. He's also fairly religious although we don't discuss it since I mentioned I'm Buddhist. He's never attempted to touch me or hold me, in fact he's always really stand offish about that. I can tell it makes him nervous.
If he only wanted that from me, I would think he'd be trying to put on the moves a little faster. Or at least I would hope so. :P
nevermind:
Okay, from a guy's perspective. Just make the move. Why live in wonder? If he doesn't feel the same, you'll know and get over it. If he does it'll be the best thing you could do.
hola_itza:
But I'm also his tutor.... If he doesn't like me then things would end up being very awkward and would hate to ruin one of his few opportunities to get out of the lab and talk to someone to practice his English skills... >_>
nevermind:
Well, sister, that's a risk you have to take. Also, when is he done with your tutoring? Can you wait a bit?
hola_itza:
I'm basically his tutor through his entire stay here or until I'm here because I might go study abroad before he leaves next fall.
crimochina:
why don't you find out yourself? how the hell are we supposed to tell you? ask him for an ipad. if he gets you an ipad mini, then he loves you.
TedDBayer:
if that is your real picture, then he likes you, if that is not your picture then he does not
hola_itza:
-____- that is me. In any case, shallow reasons being his reasoning for liking me or not, I think I'm going to try to make a move.
At the age of 19..I will suggest you to adopt the policy of "Wait and Watch"
no one can tell you if he likes you. you must find out. here is what you do. invite him out to the movies (stay away from those damn VIP rooms) 5 minutes after the movie starts , lean over and put your hand on his lap. if he does not move your hand then proceed to move your hand up his lap. 15 mins into the movie, start feeling around for little brother. 20 mins into the movie, you should have found it by now, start massaging it. when every thing is "ready" unzip his pants and put your head in his lap. after he finishes, then try to kiss him. if he kisses you, he likes you. this is the only way to find out. by all means do not have any sort of conversation with him where you would talk about this. only morons talk to the person that they have interest in and want to find out if it is mutual. i'm serious do not ask him directly. do not talk to him about your feelings or thoughts. that is absolutely positively not the right move.
BHGAL:
I agree that the talk is unnecessary and that this procedure will work fine, just that it need not be at a movie, this can be done on a bus, or on a park bench or sitting by the fountain.
since this guy is a Chinese guy, u should probably ask some Chinese instead of asking questions from non-Chinese people.
i am Chinese and i think there is not possible for a Chinese guy to be "that nice" to a lady if he doesn't have feeling to her.
in my humble opinion, I can tell u certainly that he is making move on you. but i cannot make sure if he is a real good guy or just wants to get laid
there is still kinda hard for a Chinese familly to accept a foreign girl.
crimochina:
THANK YOU FOR BRINGING SOME DAMN LOGIC TO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
since this guy is a Chinese guy, u should probably ask some Chinese instead of asking questions from non-Chinese people.
i am Chinese and i think there is not possible for a Chinese guy to be "that nice" to a lady if he doesn't have feeling to her.
in my humble opinion, I can tell u certainly that he is making move on you. but i cannot make sure if he is a real good guy or just wants to get laid
there is still kinda hard for a Chinese familly to accept a foreign girl.
I think he likes you and he seems a nice guy.
some Chinese guys are pretty shy and not so confident In front of girls even Chinese girls If he does not know you well,let alone you are a western girl,that explains why he is extremelly shy in front of you.
so,You should make a move since you like him ,take it slow and see how it goes.
Good luck.
I am a Chinese woman btw.
sounds like hes doing all the work but is waiting for you to crack lol, either way go for it, you dont know where this will lead to, and you might be missing out on a good thing, just use do what feels right
The only way to know for sure is to ask him if he likes you.
Seems like is obvious. He definitely likes you, perhaps for something serious but could be just for sex. We cant generalize but chinese guys are not like that, if he's doing like that he has an intention either sentimental or sexual but he has one.
I don't think you are as naive as many girls here so just be clear with yourself in order to avoid yourself in mixing feelings with the wrong person.
In my opinion that age difference may not be a problem if u were 26 but since you are 19 then is an issue since if you fall in love and let your feelings control you then you may take decisions for your professional life that tie you to this country and perhaps that was not in your life project originally, I'd say at this age focus more in your career and future than specifically this guy.
why you tell us a story about you.it all depends on your heart.All the people discuss here may off the point.
Believe yourself.
If a guy would spend time talking to you EVERY day, that means he does like you somehow.
He definately likes. Go for it girl. Age is just a number they say, no worries
