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Q: Has China changed your personality - particularly angrier?
In my case it has.
I left this country just over a year ago, and in doing so, it cost me a divorce and access to my son.
I came back last September, albeit to Shenzhen, which is better, but although there are not so many, there are still things that test you.
For example, the other day, someone who is responsible for my visa and other things at my school never listens to me, even when I know what I am talking about and trying to help, only to then recognise I was right, made me bang on the table in frustration.
I felt guilty afterwards and apologized but I made sure I pointed out why I did it. He still didn't want to know.
for me, i have changed in the following ways:
China has made me more patient
i have developed my sense of humour with all the absurd things that happen on a daily basis.
It has also made me more focused in my use of language: i am now more exact when i speak.
i have become more polite, so my manners contrast with the daily manners of the locals (see above for reference to sense of humour)
but essentially i try to remain the same person
CARLGODWIN1983:
I commend you.
I have always maintained my manners etc. I have tried to be honest and polite as I can.
Over the four years that I have been here, I have become more tolerant of the things that made me angry when I first arrived, but, whereas a friend of mine here says the key is acceptance, I find this bit hard. I don't see tolerance and acceptance as the same things. I always believe that things could be better. I realise there is often not a will for things to be better here, but, I still have this belief that, if there was a will, things could be better. I don't believe there should be acceptance of things which are clearly wrong.
sorrel:
Like everyone else, I have had bad china days. So I could also add an increased tolerance if things. I make small changes if and when I can, just to make life more tolerable - and occasionally have a laugh !
CARLGODWIN1983:
I try and eradicate the things from my life that make me react.
I left Chengdu because things were so bad there. They are a bit better in Shenzhen.
sorrel:
I have to admit to a childish pleasure from behaving politely in the face of an angry authority figure (the head of my department). That p****ed him off big time. Small victories!
I bail up these days and have less patients Once upon a time I would shrug stuff off now I stand my ground
CARLGODWIN1983:
This.
I never had a proper fight before I left for China at the age of 25. I have now had aat least four on different scales since I arrived here in 2009.
My patience and tolerance had really been stretched, and these were two of my biggest strengths before I arrived.
CARLGODWIN1983:
I want to add to this.
I don't condone violence, nor am I happy that I had fights etc. The whole point of this thread is that I recognise that things here have changed me and not for the better in ways.
CARLGODWIN1983:
This.
I also used to let a lot go, but now less so.
I never hit anyone before I came to China. I can think of four big scuffles/fights of the top of my head here now, since 2009 when I arrived.
I have become increasingly angry with the daily stupidity I encounter.
It has made me somewhat of a recluse and I now only leave the house when I really have to. I am genuinely afraid I might explode with anger and hurt someone at some point.
Time to go home.
CARLGODWIN1983:
I feel for you Mike.
I never got to the stage where I didn't want to leave my home, but, I always try hard not to react to things these days.
Things have always pissed me off in life, but, never to the point where I would react like I have on occasions here.
mike168229:
Can't understand it Carl. Been all over the world and I am normally so laid back I am horizontal. This damn place though.
happywanderer:
That's exactly how I am. Not healthy.
I think it's a frustration that builds as well - the longer you're here the more stuff happens that really gets to you. There are times it's ok but now days I'm almost always a bit on the edge.
Sino-Rage Syndrome.
I've read over in MKL that many experience this a month or 3 months after the 'elation phase' or 'honeymoon phase'.
I guess my brain works quickly. I had it about a week after my first arrival. And then the next year I arrived and it only took about 3 days.
Then it goes away after just a few days. Maybe a week.
Now.. it does seem there are 'waves' of the Sino-Rage Syndrome. Like maybe you recover but after 6 months have a longer low-key rage problem for 3 months.... basically in some kind of cycles.
I'm not a doctor but I play one online so there you go!
happywanderer:
Honeymoon phase varies a lot. I've met people that have been here nearly a year and still float around with smiles on their faces naively taking everything said at face value e.g. "My Chinese is really good; everyone compliments me on it.". Err yeah.
this pc will not let me post in comments There are more ways to stand your ground without splattercating somebody . trouble is my mouth tends to get me deeper 
I haven't a problem with my mouth.
Actions speak louder than words. I let them act first.
yep, sad to say I get pissed much more often and much more easily. I could write a book about why, but anyone who has spent considerable time here in the trenches knows what I am talking about. The worst thing though is the ol' double-whammy...... I mean I get pissed/upset/angry/rage nearly for some dumb-ass fuckn behavior,,,, then when I get home, I feel bad again for being mean to whomever about it. They rarely do things intentionally with the goal of upsetting me, they just don't know wtf they are doing. Half-assed is the standard here. Sooooo, I feel bad for jumping their shit- the ol' double-whammy. 
CARLGODWIN1983:
Yes, and theres the felling of guilt, as you say, and the "Why did I let them win" thoughts when you recognise you shouldn't have reacted.'
China has infused my personality with intense gamma radiation...
Tolerance levels on Bad China Days hovers around the '0' mark. I am a bit like mike168229 although I do get out a bit. It's the stupidity that gets me and the illogicality of so many things.
The thing that really gets me is the total disregard for pedestrians and cyclists and I admit to suffering road rage even though I am walking or riding a bike. Had to laugh when having a beer with a couple of colleagues from the USA and one said, after we were discussing some of the driving shit we have seen: In a civilized country we'd shoot the bastard!!
There you have it.......
Honestly I really want to see a lot more of China but every 6 months I'm kind of China'ed out to be honest and I head for Thailand or the Philippines rather than holiday here. Sad but true. As the end of term I am a bit frazzled and like Carl I get a bit too easily pissed off. So, time to disappear for 2 - 3 weeks in summer and the whole 6 - 7 weeks in winter. That's my mind fix. Gotta do it! You would think at my age I would be a lot more of a cool dude.
It made me more aware that I can trust no one and I'm not a paranoid person. Curiously when I came home I was met with many untrustworthy people. I don't like this, when I say something I mean it.
I'm so glad I don't have to work here or depend on Chinese people for my livelihood. I would go absolutely crazy. I can stay inside, send my wife out shopping and forget about the world. I envy those who can go to work and deal with the everyday crap. I've made it a point to study Chinese behaviour while I'm here, but even when I know the why's and how's, I still find it hard to endure the ignorance sometimes. Thank God for the bathtub and good books.
You have a bath? You lucky so and so. Where are you though?
xinyuren:
I decorated my own house and bought a bathtub on Taobao. My family loves it.
I have been after the FAO department for nearly a month trying to get my visa renewed early. They kept telling me to "be patient" and "you worry too much" even though I kept telling them about the changes in the law and that it would no longer be 5 working days like in the past. They didnt believe me.
Last Friday, they FINALLY took my passport info to go to the PSB (which even though i told them the PSB does NOT take applications on Friday afternoon, they didn't listen). Sure enough, we were told to come back on Monday.
We went this morning, and I am given a receipt to pick u p my passport on august 5. I point this out to the FAO officer, telling him THIS is why I wanted to start the process early this month. "16 working days instead of 5!"
His answer? "Oh, how strange".
I really wanted to do some traveling this summer and this definitely puts a damper on it, so I am getting nice and drunk tonight, so any postings you may or not fid offensive, I do not assume any responsibility.
CARLGODWIN1983:
When I decide to take time off during school term, I shall point out how I lost my holiday due to their incompetencies?
I am always the last one to respond to these great question. My personal has changed quite of bit...the stupidity is sometimes over whelming. The macho male crap is thicker than Latin countries but I KNOW I have a higher testosterone level than most Chinese men. I have had 2 taxi fights, 3 pounding/ kicking at my door fights, & 1 cut in front of me fight. All with men in their 50s. I thank my daddy for teaching me how to fight...
happywanderer:
Do you mean you had fights with guys? They should be totally ashamed, and you're my hero.
I am always the last one to respond to these great question. My personal has changed quite of bit...the stupidity is sometimes over whelming. The macho male crap is thicker than Latin countries but I KNOW I have a higher testosterone level than most Chinese men. I have had 2 taxi fights, 3 pounding/ kicking at my door fights, & 1 cut in front of me fight. All with men in their 50s. I thank my daddy for teaching me how to fight...
I am always the last one to respond to these great question. My personal has changed quite of bit...the stupidity is sometimes over whelming. The macho male crap is thicker than Latin countries but I KNOW I have a higher testosterone level than most Chinese men. I have had 2 taxi fights, 3 pounding/ kicking at my door fights, & 1 cut in front of me fight. All with men in their 50s. I thank my daddy for teaching me how to fight...
I'M NOT F*CKING ANGRY!!! 
happywanderer:
Aaand a possibly more useful answer: I must admit I'm in the alcoholic-recluse club that mike and daqing seem to of started. It seems to be the future for anyone that puts in enough time here. I'm gonna get me a smokin' jacket.
diverdude1:
alcoholic-recluse club~ Classic! I guess I should be voted Club President. I actually considered seeking an AA group here. oh well... ummmmm,,,,, just the other night I considered going back to smoking... smoking a Pipe I mean,,, cannot handle cigarettes or cigars. too damn strong for me.
smoking jackets are fkn chic. why did they fade away ??
happywanderer:
It doesn't matter. 'Cause it's time to BRING THEM BACK!
actually I should always keep in mind that pearl of wisdom my japanese ex gf told me about chinese: they re like angry kids....how do u deal with an angry little boy?
happywanderer:
Well not personally but was addressing the "how do you deal with an angry little boy?". Basically I don't see that there is a good way to deal with one billion angry little boys. I guess a billion bags of sweets might be an alternative but isn't that encouraging the wrong behaviour?
happywanderer:
Deep sigh. I'd love to go with that option but definitely a last resort for as long as I can keep the rage down. Never been to prison and tryin' to keep it that way.
nicholasba:
i use to...then it depends again about ur own networking or how fast can you run...anyway i think the thing with "we" and "them" has change for the worst just in the last couple of years. As long as I can remember back in 2000 was more about "me" and "you"...
well i open a tread about chinese being childish and i found it erased by the moderator as he found that, racist...wtf?!
happywanderer:
Think you may have a case there because it's confusing nationality and race. So technically you were committing... nationalism? And I'm pretty sure that's allowed 
.
I tell you this :
We arrived at Sunday to Shanghai Pudong airport.
First sh1t : One of our luggage was broken, thanks to careful loading/unloading.
2nd sh1t : getting into taxi include fighting a bit with the "manager" because we was only 3 person with 2 big luggage, so we no need the big big taxi car, as the lonely many with purse in the hand and he pushed us in the tiny santana instead
3rd shit: The ride took more time than metro 
And this was only my first 1 hr in china again.
Yes, last 48hrs after arrival I was more angrier than the past 35 days at home And I was angry only once a bit, when there was shortage of beer in the fridge 
Solution took only 10 mins of walking to nearest pub
In a way. I was so cheerful when I first showed up. So excited and ready to engage in another culture, and embrace a new language, and see the world, and blah, blah, blah.
Now, I am so cynical. I think the transformation took a total of two weeks.
I drink more here than what I did back home in England. Even my lunch breaks consist of a cold beer or two before I have to head back to the grindstone of teaching 2 - 3 years old again...
No, not really I'm not an angry type of person so it hasn't for me..
here the latest...
at 11.53: II ordered something to eat online from a website called dianwoba.com
at 11.57 they call me back to confirm my contact number ...
at 14.30 i felt that something went wrong so i call them again, and here the surprise! They told me that my order was canceled because the place exceeded in km....i ask her why they didn't call me to tell me that but i just get a feichang baoqian blablabla..so now after I've ridiculously waited nearly 3 fxxxxx hrs, i still have no lunch
