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Posts: 12

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Q: How can let a guy know I have crush on him?

Recently I met a guy from work, we are working for the same company but different department, and basically our works do not have much connections.

He is sitting close to the door, and once I forgot my entrance card when I was way back from the bathroom, he held the door for me and gave me a very charming big smile.

 

The following days, we said hi to each other, and everytime I passed by him, he either staring at me with his puppy eyes, or smile to me.

 

What should I do now? Should I take any action?

 

PS: He is a foreigner (from UK i guess)...

 

Waiting for answers from expertises.

7 years 6 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Shifu

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Ask him if he wants to go halves on a baby.

Jennifer_zx:


Lol. Nice one, maybe some day when he leaves the company or I leave the company, I will do...

7 years 6 weeks ago
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7 years 6 weeks ago
 
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Posts: 4495

Emperor

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you know in this, the Modern World, the girl can ask the boy on a Date.  Now, I'm kind of an old fart from a conservative background, so it's a bit odd to me,,, but I'm pretty sure that's what I've heard, read, picked-up on from popular culture.  So, I say .. Go for it!  

Walk up to him when u feel the timing is right and invite him to go out and have a cup of coffee.

worth a shot anyway...  keep us posted on how things work out.  also some more background would be interesting.  I mean some personal details to flesh out your story some...

philbravery:

do you think that Ecc is ready for another Vicki ? Then again you could argue that China will copy anything .lol

7 years 6 weeks ago
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Jennifer_zx:

Hi, many thanks for ur advice. I know there is nothing to lose, but I still need the nudge to push myself take actions. You can call me uptight or whatever, but given that I've never asked a guy out before, I need some time to convince myself... What if he rejected me, that will be too awkward to see him again...

7 years 6 weeks ago
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diverdude1:

surprise well Ms Vikki, rejection is part of life.  Take it as it comes and move on. ,,, or you can just look him in the eye and say,,, that's ok, I really don't like, hmmm, shall we say, 'physically challenged' guys anyway! cough, cough 

7 years 6 weeks ago
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Viki87:

She's not me. Can't you see this girl has better English?

7 years 6 weeks ago
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Jennifer_zx:


Morning @diverdue1 and @viki87! Is there anything I should know what r u guys talking/arguing about?

 

Now, I will give you guys the update. I asked him out for coffee last Friday, turns out he admitted he wanted to ask me out weeks before, but given that my title is higher than him and my occupation makes him intimidating; hence he wasn't sure about me.

 

We both said we had a great time together, but we both did not ask each others number. I thought I have already made the first move, if he really interested in me at all, he will take actions. Am I right?

 

 

7 years 6 weeks ago
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7 years 6 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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This is not a teen dating forum. 

Jennifer_zx:


Don't be so mean. It's open forum, people can say whatever they want to say. I wonder how sophisticated you could be to give out such meaningless comment.

7 years 6 weeks ago
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cub:

@jennifer, on this site u have to grow thick skin from the insults snide snarky remarks and the BS others give out on this site and yes, they are full of it! Work up your courage casually ask him if a dinner or tea to get together over. Start slowly know whom u are getting to know!

7 years 6 weeks ago
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Viki87:

Has to be very cautious. Otherwise will be embarassing to continue working with him if he refused you. Maybe has to be patient and try to talk with him more at work. But be careful to not let the rumor out as some girls are bitchy. They may also like him and be jelous and do something ugly on you. Gotta protect yourself well unless you don't want the job.

7 years 6 weeks ago
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cub:

@viki, what is so bad or embarassing if he refuses her? if so just go on be friendly/civilized towards each other Its life sometimes the answer is ''no thanks'' its normal and go forward no big deal

7 years 6 weeks ago
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Viki87:

But they work in the same company. Most people will feel embarrassed.

 

I don't think it's really good to do office rekationship, cause it influenced the work.

 

But if she really likes him, she can try to speak to him more to get to know him first. I still think she should be very cautious while dealing with working mate. Unless she doesn't care about this job.

7 years 6 weeks ago
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cub:

Two people who have feelings with each other in a office or same work place can stay professional civil towards each other at work no problem. Both need to know how to keep work/office romance separate not at work There is a place and a time where two can be more intimate emotionally or physically towards each other and work isnt the place but at home off work on your own free private time anything goes Keep your private love life private no need to have others at work how u feel towards the other employee where u work. The less other workers know the better

7 years 6 weeks ago
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Jennifer_zx:

Cheers mates to give out so many constructive advices for me. I asked him out last Friday. The guy claimed that even though he wanted to ask me out, he felt intimidating about me, since I have senior title and I am working at the legal dept.

 

I thought we had great time, but he did not even ask my phone number. I already took the first move, from self-esteem consideration, I did not ask his as well.... Hope I did the right thing.

7 years 6 weeks ago
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cub:

@jennifer just be patient dont give up Why do men feel ''intimidated'' because a lady is wealthier or has a higher position at the same work place as him? Does he know how to separate work from private life relationship with a lady? To me it wouldn't matter if the lady is more wealthy or has a more successful career

7 years 6 weeks ago
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Jennifer_zx:

@cub: Hey, mate, many thanks for your kind words. Yes, at this point, I am with you. I will give him some time and space to think through if he wants to start a friendship w me or not. If my position really bothers him that much, maybe he is not the right person or me.

7 years 6 weeks ago
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Stiggs:

Jennifer, him not asking for your phone number might just be because he's feeling weird about going out with someone from work.

 

It can get awkward and some people do have a rule for themselves not to get involved with colleagues. Especially if it's a career type job that they care about.

 

Or, maybe he's just shy and not very good at the talking to girls thing.

7 years 6 weeks ago
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cub:

@jennifer, there are some men out there where a ladies wealth position in a career age or IQ dont matter to them and wished any lady like u would ask them out.

7 years 6 weeks ago
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Jennifer_zx:

@stiggs: Honestly, I think he is very good at flirting with girls, given that there are always female colleagues standing at his desk talking (about work....maybe). So, maybe he is just not into me.

 

@cub: To be honest with u, not every guy can have the "big heart" like u to accept girls better than them. Talking from my personal experiences, majority of guys (esp. Chinese guys) couldn't/reluctant to accept such situation, as my ex told me once before that I am a workholic and don't have time for a real relationship....That's one of the reasons why I did not want to ask the guy out in the first place.

7 years 6 weeks ago
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cub:

@jennifer, i always tell a lady if i marry am i marrying her first or her work first? Also is she working to live or living to work? Work/wealth/single vs home/marriage/husband isnt a good choice to choose from

7 years 6 weeks ago
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Jennifer_zx:

@cub: Of course, but I am not getting married or anything, plus since this is my career, suppose I should be the one who decide whether to put it in priority or make it work life balance. If a guy has problem to be with an independent girl, then that's not what i am looking for...

7 years 6 weeks ago
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cub:

@jennifer being independant is for singles marriage is a team effort where both support and depend on each other. Mariage should change the dynamics from single/selfish/ independant to married selflessness to shared responsibilities to spouse Working 24/7 is harmful to any marriage relationship Again, no man wants to marry a lady where her work is #1 and her husband is #2 I am for being independent but in a limited amount where the husband dosent get neglected or ignored or forgotten

7 years 6 weeks ago
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7 years 6 weeks ago
 
Posts: 12

Governor

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Ask him for an idea to fill your daily forum questions quota and use it as an excuse to talk to him.

7 years 6 weeks ago
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7 years 6 weeks ago
 
Posts: 827

Shifu

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touch him were it counts. I know I would be interested if you touched me where it counts, so I suspect this would work. It doesn't work in reverse though. That would be called sexual assault

Viki87:

Office touching and flirting can really turn me on. 

7 years 6 weeks ago
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Stiggs:

Yeah touch him where it counts.. his eyeball.

 

I guarantee you'll have his undivided attention.

7 years 6 weeks ago
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Jennifer_zx:


Touch his eyeball? Lol... Come on, I don't want to be sued for aggravated assault. It is too soon to have physical touch anyway....

 

7 years 6 weeks ago
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cub:

@jennifer, u have to excuse how crude rude and bad sarcasm some members have here ok?

7 years 6 weeks ago
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Stiggs:

@Jennifer haha yeah you're right,it's probably too early for that type of thing...

 

@ Cub.  Relax dude, Jennifer's posts have shown she has a sense of humor and has understood and taken the posts in the way they were intended. As light hearted joking.

7 years 6 weeks ago
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cub:

stiggs u relax also. When do joking stop and serious things like a relationship start? Not eveerything in life is a joking matter What if jennifer is serious and her intent is serious also? Would u joke this away also?

7 years 6 weeks ago
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PulSartre:

@Stiggs, hahahahahahahahah that made me laugh. Of course she took it for a joke and I am sure she laughed at your suggestions.

6 years 25 weeks ago
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7 years 6 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1198

Shifu

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Ask him if he wants to go halves on a baby.

Jennifer_zx:


Lol. Nice one, maybe some day when he leaves the company or I leave the company, I will do...

7 years 6 weeks ago
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7 years 6 weeks ago
 
Posts: 5732

Emperor

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if your chinese, ask him a question about English that you don't understand, a phrase, an idiom, some English Literature, if he is British, make sure it's a British author and see if he wants to help you with it after work or offer to buy him lunch to explain a Shakespear play.

 

If all this fails, tell him you have to write a report on western sports for your masters class and you need some one to explain the game of "cricket" , this will take at least 2 dates.

Viki87:

It's a very smart move.

Best answer to help this girl.

In this way, she won't embarrass herself and it takes less courage to get it started if she's shy.

I'll do that if I work with a cute guy.

7 years 6 weeks ago
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Jennifer_zx:

Cheers for the brilliant idea, however I am senior than him. Hence, it will a little bit awkward for me asking for his help.... I asked him out anyway, I leave the rest to GOD to see how it goes...

7 years 6 weeks ago
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7 years 6 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1072

Shifu

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the answers to this question might be of some help.

http://answers.echinacities.com/question/how-seduce-my-foreign-collegue

 

but seriously, trying to initiate a personal relationship with a work colleague is never a good idea - hence the saying 'never c**p in your own garden'.

if it all goes south, professional performance may suffer, especially if you have never dated before and are unable to deal with rejection.

 

You seem to be basing your interest in this guy on a few smiles and holding the door open for you  - things i would associate with common courtesy, not anything more. Many Chinese people seem to mistake common courtesy as interest in them. 

 

I don't have a problem with girls asking a guy out, as many guys are not mind-readers and can be oblivious to subtle messages.

You have to decide yourself whether you are willing to risk rejection, or loss of performance due to you obsessing about who this guy might be talking to (even in a professional capacity). I have found that Chinese women are very possessive of their (foreign) BF's and have get insanely jealous even when they are engaged in professional conversations with female colleagues - a Chinese gf of an American colleague almost hit me when she saw us talking about a professional matter 

 

Do you know if this guy is even single, or have you even spoken to him?

so many unknowns from this vague question

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7 years 6 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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Just go for it, ask him to coffee or something... simple enough. 

 

Western males are used to women asking them out and being forward. 

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7 years 6 weeks ago
 
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