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Q: Is it absolutely necessary to refuse a gift before accepting it?
In the same vein as my other question, this is something I just can't seem to get right, and I always feel I might be sticking my foot in my mouth every time.
More often than not, I think we foreigners get offered lots of gifts. I'm often a little embarassed (because I have no gifts to offer on my end). I stammer, say they shouldn't have, but quickly accept them. On the other hand, I've witnessed people profusely refusing, again and again, before accepting.
Obviously, being a foreigner, they probably grant me the benefit of the doubt, but am I being rude by accepting so quickly. Should I refuse, at least once, to show good manners?
If you wish to follow Chinese customs, you should at least, and in a polite way, refuse it at least one. Then accept it, but another Chinese custom is not to open the gift until you are alone, make sure you follow that one too.
I always refuse gifts once or twice before ending up accepting them. I recon I am getting used to it by now.
refuse politely once.....but then accept it with much grattitude.
Oh no, I wish I had seen this before my birthday and Christmas!
Who cares, why do we always have to bend to their culture?
nevermind:
Oh yeah, cause when they move abroad they totally adjust to whatever environment they're in. Give me a break.
derek:
I really don't resist too much. Years of playing those silly little games for guanxi has taken it's toll on me I guess.
nevermind:
Hey, Guilin, I just notice that it's always us westerners these days kowtowing and showing respect to OTHER people's customs all the time. And, when they move abroad, it isn't the same story. That's why these arguments don't hold water with me anymore. Anything that has to do with my interests, I deal with my way.
GuilinRaf:
True, it DOES seem quite often that we are the ones who have to "undertsnd" or "respect" or what not but rarely the other way around... Cant argue that there. Actually, I can, but then I will fall into "trollhood"...:-P
nevermind:
All I know is that I doubt many foreign parents here would kick up a fuss about their kid dating a Chinese person and would easily sit through a baijiu session in the name of business. Back home, you have tons of immigrant communities freaking out if their kids date outside the race and expect everyone to be sensitive to their culture ALL THE TIME. Which, I don't have an issue with, just go tit for tat on that one, just for fairness sake.
It depends on the gift. Sometimes it is prudent to flat out refuse a gift if it is too expensive. A normal gift, yes it is polite to refuse at least once.
Think of the Godfather. You will owe them a "favour".
Gifts are often a form of bribe in China...at least in business I find.
In many ways, we do the same thing in the West. Someone gives us a present, we say "oh, you shouldn't have!" The giver will then say something like "but its your birthday" or "please take it" and then we thank the person and take it ( while all the time thinking "Mine! Mine! Mine!").
You know, the thing that pisses me off the most about this "gift/favour giving-receiving" thing is this:
I have had people and family members do things for me, things that I didn't ask them to do, and then later my wife would inform me that I must do something for them to return the favour. Of course, whatever I had to do in return was something that actually wanted me to do. It would be something that they would approach her and ask for. This wreaks of b.s. to me!
I am a Chinese girl.For me it just OK to accept a gift without refusing it first.If your fiends give you a gift and you finally accept it after refusing a several times, I dont think you are polit but old--fashioned.What you did is not funny or interesting.Why can not people accept gifts swiftly？Actually, what you are worried about is most Chinese considering.However what you said will almodt not happen amang young people,What is more ,common friends will not do so ,too.You need not give gifts back at the same time,sometimes a thanks card just ok.
Guess that depends on how old school you want to be. Do you make sure you send a proper thank you letter in the mail after you recieve a gift back home?
my friend takes it in his hands then says you should not have done that and they should take it back while making it clear that it is his and they will not be getting it back. But be wary sometimes they offer to be polite and look good and absolutely do not want you to take it. My teacher once spent a whole day accepting and giving back a rice cooker because she accidental accepted it
