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Q: Is it in the Chinese culture for men to come home drunk?
My husband and I have been living in Beijing for a a year. We've been expats for over a decade now but it's our first time in China. We never had many problems in our relationship, and now the kids are grown up (they didnt come to China with us).
It never happened before we got here, but my hubby now regularly comes home completely drunk. He says it's part of a quadruple millenial tradition he learned, and that his colleagues at the bank always bring him for a drink after work. When it's not them, it's business partners. He always come home drunk.
It bothers me a lot, because he also seem to have lost is kinkiness. Sometime I wait for him at home, dressed in naughty lingerie with a nice meal by the candlelight, but when he comes home, he goes straight to bed, saying he already ate. "It's part of the culture" he says.
I'm all for learning others' culture, but it seems a little far fetched. Is it true it's part of the culture?
Chinese business revolves around alcohol. And the higher your position, the more common it is to be called out for drinks by co-workers, clients and suppliers.
Yep, and if the drinking locale is one of the karaoke bars (KTV), then you can assume they may have had the company of some KTV girls. Paid "accompaniment". So if he's not in the mood........
dharma86:
Lol that's funny but demented. You can't make that kind of assumption you don't even know the guy and now you've gone and made the poor woman paranoid.
cooter:
Eh, I don't really need to know the guy. I know what happens at these after hours "business meetings", and I know dude has got to be tempted. And even if he's not, there's going to be mega-pressure from the Chinese guys there to "have some fun". I know I've had my hand "forced" down the tops and up the skirts of a few KTV girls....
if that is the culture then i would like to adapt that to my culture............You see?!!!........Chinese culture have some good aspects just need to find them out................God bless
If he is a banker I will guarantee they are doing the regular business dinner routine all the time.
Go for a nice dinner with partners or clients and in the process get half-cut on the baijiu because of all the gun bai's whilst eating enough to make it to the next round.
Then everyone will make their way to a high end classy KTV palace where they will finalize their business deals while getting even more drunk and singing songs with their picks of the night beside them (girls). Some of the men will disappear from the room for a time during their ktv session to visit the "spa" upstairs where the girls they are with will perform a plethora of sexual services based on what the man is into.
Others will simply drink and flirt with the girls and nothing else...depends on the man and the company present at the time.
Whoever is the host of the evening will pick up the tab for the entire works.
I would be far more concerned with the details of his drinking rather than that fact he was drinking.
I have to agree with cooter on this one.
Yeh, it's like these guys have said, booze, KTV and birds are a regular part of the business practice here. Not wishing to scare you but this place can throw a lot of temptation a man's way. Good luck with that.
If I were you I'd have a nice chat with him...Even if drinking is part of Chinese culture and business, it doesn't mean one has to adopt it in full. Your husband is not Chinese, he can be exempted from certain rules and practices. Perhaps, he got lost in the Chinese men-paradise-business-dinners: wine, food, KTV, beautiful women etc.
Although it is expected for a high ranking guest to 'share' a drink with the guests, the rules for foreigners are quite not the same as to the chinese.
The drinking is one thing. The lack of sex-drive quite another thing and, if I were you, that would be my bigger concern by a long way.
If I were you I'd be insisting on a long weekend away somewhere so you and he can and have a good long talk about what's going wrong and get back to normal. If he can't spare even a couple of days for the sake of your marriage then you really have a problem.
The very best of luck to you.
Please, do not assume that the husband is having extra on the side. Oftentimes, when large amounts of booze have been consumed, the sexdrive will go down or one may feel sick, which means that one may not be feeling "in the mood".
Please have a serious talk with your husband a bout his drinking and, since others have brought it up, about the KTV girls. Let him know how you feel and why.
Just because he comes home drunk does not mean he has strayed. He may be willing to participate in the drinking and singing and not the rest.
Be as it may, you do indeed have some concerns and I think it would be very healthy for both of you to discuss this, openly, honestly and calmly and thus avoid any future misunderstandings.
Best of luck to both of you.
You have to come home drunk!
You can't go to the bar drunk they won't serve you!
