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Q: Know any good Chinese cures for flatulence?
I know of numerous ways to bring it about, just not sure how to turn off that gas-leak. I share a bed with my wife and kid and after a night's eructations there's a big enough methane cloud floating above our bed that if the light catches it right it looks like the aurora borealis. I did hear of a Chinese leaf or herb that can help, and God knows i'm desperate. Know any good tricks?
Sleep with a candle between you legs. By burning off the gas right away you will never see it accumulate to the critical amount where it will blow out your windows. A pilot light in the underwear is best if your sheets and duvet is made from pure asbestos. (don't worry, it can still have the Superman logo onit)
mArtiAn:
Sounds reasonable except I have a 'keep away from open flames' warning tattooed on my butt. My parents had it put there when I was a baby, God bless 'em.
Scandinavian:
You're forgetting one thing. In China warning signs are meant to be ignored.
Try sticking some kind of lid up your ass like a wine bottle cork. Who knows, you might even like it!
mArtiAn:
Tried that but I let one rip and it came out like a canon ball. Took out the ceiling fan.
The only tip I've been given here is to let it out...
I've seen, heard and smelled this advice followed by many locals. It probably works.
Scandinavian:
yup, get up in the middle of the night, go press the lift button, wait for the lift, rip one off and then go back to sleep
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My wife always insists I go take a dump when I start. Have you tried that?
mArtiAn:
Well apart from the fact that she's as much the culprit as I am, and our son can trump along with the best of us, if we were to hit the loo the moment trumpets sound, we'd never get off the damn thing.
The GIGO（garbage in garbage out）principle applies here. You may want to pay a closer attention to what you ingest.
What causes farts? rotting vegetation or vegetation being digested in your gut. So maybe you are eating to many vegetables? Try skip roping just before bed time or take Beno.
You can try taking digestive enzymes. They cut the flatulance because they help you digest your food. You can buy them from abroad quite cheaply. Here in China, if you can't find the enzymes, try a piece of pineapple or papaya with every meal.
Also be aware of what you eat. For some people certain foods make them a walking symphony like milk,cabbage, etc.
