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Posts: 13

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Q: should i keep my marriage ?

     my husband book flights to the US alone at CNY without tell me . we had married alomst one year . he do not tell his family( his children and sister ) about our marriage . he said he has plan to let his family  know it.The last  2 years he fly every 2 month to US never take me , and never tell his family about me . i accept every time he leave because every time he can find the reason about job and i know i love him so much . but this time his reason just he do not want alone for 7 days CNY . SHOULD I TRUST HIM AGAIN ? this kind marriage should i keep ?

10 years 9 weeks ago in  Family & Kids - China

 
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Emperor

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If he goes to the US on a regular basis because of work I don't see a problem. This is probably a scheduled work trip.  Remember, just because it's CNY does not mean the rest of the world stops.  Most of the foreigners in the company I work for "go home" at CNY, because the company want's them working there.

 

If he is living and working here it is likely he has a responsible post, so unfortunately has to make trips back for business. These trips are not excuses, they will be a requirement of his job.

 

The bit about not telling his family about you?  I have no idea and can't really comment.  Apart from mentioning that I know of Chinese couples who have cohabited for years together and not told anyone.

kateemmerth:

it is not work trip . just spend the possible time with his family . so from that point i am not his family . whatever ..........

10 years 8 weeks ago
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10 years 9 weeks ago
 
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Travel is travel. Strange he doesn't take you on any of those trips... I took my wife. You should ask him about it but the weirdest thing is that nobody knows he is married...?  

 

Ask yourself this... are you prepared to live alone and start over? 

 

Do you think it is worth losing him? Does it really mean that much to you? 

 

If you answered "no" to any of them, then leave it alone. If "yes" to two or more... then I would start planning for a separation/divorce. 

 

That's my opinion. 

kateemmerth:

i wish that is the last trip without me .

10 years 8 weeks ago
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10 years 9 weeks ago
 
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I don't why you and your husband have such poor communication between yourselves.  And there must be a reason why he hasn't told his family about your relationship.

For mine, it doesn't stack up.

I suggest you try to get him to put all his cards on the table.  Same goes for you.

A marriage that's not completely open and honest, with both people having equal input into decision making, in all regards, is substandard.

 

 

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10 years 9 weeks ago
 
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Something is wrong if a man doesn't want to tell his relatives that he has married. 

 

You need to make sure you both talk openly. Tell him how it makes you feel that he plans things without involving you. It might not be possible for him to bring you (at least not every time) but at least he should not keep you in the dark from what he is doing. 

 

It is only you that can answer if you want to stay in your marriage. 

kateemmerth:

he just love his children more than love me . his children unhappy with he marry someone else , his children need their mom and dad stay together as a family .

10 years 8 weeks ago
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10 years 9 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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How can you marry a guy (and have stayed married for 1 year) without any of his family knowing, don't you think that to be a little strange???

 

As for the trips, like others have said CNY is only in China (and a few other Asian countries) the rest of the world keeps moving, I'm sure he had time off from work during Christmas, right? That's our holiday.

 

For not taking you, that is very weird. If he is working here for an American company then I guess his financial situation must be steady and can't be because he cannot afford it. Have you talked to him about going and applying for a travel visa for the US? 

 

My first point is clearly the one you should be thinking about the most, why hasn't he told his family? Are you sure he isn't married already and has you as a second wife, are you married in the sense of Chinese celebration or have you got the little red books? 

 

Hope it all works out for you but I'm sorry that I can't be positive about your situation.

kateemmerth:

the reason is he worried his children can't accept he marry with someone but not their mom . He could divorce 13 years before just wait for all children over 18 years old .

10 years 8 weeks ago
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hiddenjelly:

But you said he hasn't even told his other family, you mentioned his sister. Why is he keeping it from everyone, I'm sure that if he keeps it away from his children until they have grown up they will probably hate him also at that time for lying about being married again for so long.

10 years 7 weeks ago
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10 years 9 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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yes, keep it Wink

Good luck.

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10 years 9 weeks ago
 
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Don't have children with this guy. Why would you marry someone before meeting their family at the very least talk to them via skype. This is 2014.

You can contact a private investigator in the U.S. online to find out if he is married. Then once you find proof that he is married, wait until he gets back to China and have him arrested. 

Also, you can contact various women's group and they may search the public records for you. If you need more info or help, PM me. I really hate guys that do this. 

kateemmerth:

thanks . he just love his children  more than  love me . his children can't accept he married somebody else .

10 years 8 weeks ago
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10 years 9 weeks ago
 
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Please let us know more information on your husband.

 

Do you know what he does for work?

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10 years 9 weeks ago
 
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sadly  , over the last couple of years i have become more sus and more cynical  of these types of posts . Maybe the anti foreigner stuff is taking a toll or i just need to stop reading this stuff

mike168229:

You reckon this ones not legit?

10 years 9 weeks ago
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Hulk:

I think it's more of a "I'm not telling the whole story" kind of post, but you could be right.

10 years 9 weeks ago
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10 years 9 weeks ago
 
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I don't agree with any of the softly-worded responses above. I completely agree with Englteachted.

 

Your husband is a pig. If he hasn't told his family he is married, that should demonstrate to you how important and meaningful his "commitment" is. People should be proud of the person they are marrying. If he is keeping you secret from the other people in his life, you are a mistress.

 

I don't know why everyone above is trying to defend him and justify his actions. If it was a Chinese man they wouldn't. If your husband isn't telling his family, and isn't letting you go to the US with him, he is also keeping important things from you.

 

You don't want to be stuck in a relationship in which your partner lies to you, disappears without a straightforward explanation, and doesn't respect you enough to admit to other people that he is married. Unless you plan to live like this for the rest of your life, do something about it (I'd suggest asking for a divorce: people like this don't change).

 

By the way - When he is overseas, you should be talking to him on Skype. Of course, that'll be pretty awkward for him with his other partner in the background.

xinyuren:

Exactly right.  This flag is the first and foremost thing you should be concerned about.  Anyone who can't tell his family he is married to you has something to hide.  Be prepared to pull the curtain back and reveal a big mess.  There is much more than what he is revealing to you in his life.  Why you married him without even meeting his family is beyond me.  You didn't do your due diligence.  This is the result of jumping into a marriage too soon.

10 years 9 weeks ago
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Lord_hanson:

He could even me married in his home country too. When I got married here in China I was suprised how easy it would be for me to then re-marry in my home country with no one being the wiser.

10 years 9 weeks ago
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10 years 9 weeks ago
 
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What aren't you telling us? Are you giving him lots of shit? For example, whenever he does something wrong in your eyes, do you berate him? Do you constantly complain about everything he does?

'cause a lot of Chinese girls are like that. Hell, a lot of women are like that... at least the ones I've dated. I haven't dated very many sane girls, though. MissA is sane! Sorrel is sane, and so are most of the girls here.

 

BUTTTTTTTTTTTTT............. not the ones I've went out with.

Victoria1987:

You are sane in my eyes.

10 years 9 weeks ago
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Hulk:

I thought I was insane!

10 years 9 weeks ago
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MissA:

Thanks hulk!

10 years 9 weeks ago
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10 years 9 weeks ago
 
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If I didn't tell my family back home about my wife and family in China, my wife here would insist that I tell them immediately. I can think of only one reason why a Chinese girl would accept all these trips and secrets: He is rich. That much is obvious if he can fly every 2 months.
If you want to keep being your rich husband's plaything, then that's your choice. But there is no love in your relationship, only mutual exploitation. Sugardaddies aren't always as compliant as normal men. Don't fool yourself, and don't bother normal people with your golddigging woes.
如果我没有告诉我的家人回家对我的妻子和家人在中国,我的妻子在这里会坚持,我马上告诉他们。我能想到的只有一个原因,为什么一个中国女孩会接受所有这些旅行和秘密:他很有钱。这一点是显而易见的,如果他能飞,每2个月。
如果你希望保持你的金龟婿的玩物,那么这就是你的选择。但没有爱在你们的关系,只是相互利用。傍大款并不总是符合作为正常男人。不要骗自己了,不打扰正常的人与你的黄金挖困境

Englteachted:

Exactly true, if a man showers a woman like the OP with money and expensive gifts , he can get away with anything.

10 years 9 weeks ago
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10 years 9 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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How old is he?

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10 years 9 weeks ago

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He's an asshole - a decent guy would NEVER marry you then show you such contempt.

When I was a kid and I fucked up, my mum would say "A, just make sure you learn from this - it's a learning experience", and that is my advice to you. Make sure you learn from this and find a better person next time.

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Sounds like he's got another life he's supporting in the U.S..

 

JacobJohn:

That's exactly what I thought while reading the OP message. Sadly, yet probably true!

10 years 8 weeks ago
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